There are loads of articles on the web covering how you can make taking a long flight with small children easier.
They will guide you carefully through efficient ways of keeping your children hydrated on the plane, how many diapers you should bring, and exactly what you need to do in order to keep them entertained throughout the journey.
This is not one of those articles.
You know why? Because *I* respect you.
Those other people are clearly on the payroll of the nefarious travel Illuminati and want to make you think that somehow some crap toy and a couple of snacks is going to make this easy. I feel the need to mention that, in total, I have traveled over thirty thousand miles in planes with my beautiful and exceedingly well behaved children who are both under the age of five.
I once traveled on a plane trip that was twenty six hours long without sleeping for more than an hour.
I have had to nurse a baby in full view of a guy who looked like he was being transported between prisons and had gotten there for doing something terrible to women who nursed babies on planes.
I have walked down an airplane aisle covered in baby poop while carrying a blanket full of vomit. That one still has me tear up every time I think about it.
I am a “flying with children” veteran, and I have the pukey smelling hair to prove it.
So, please, believe me when I tell you if your flight is more than two hours, and your kids are small… that flight could potentially be the longest few hours of your life. And, if you’re going to another continent? Pack Valium. By all means, pack the snacks, the new toys, the extra change of clothes, the chloroform… but, know this:
- If your child has never thrown up in their entire life, as soon as they walk or are carried onto that plane, their chances of throwing up will be quadrupled.
- No matter how well behaved they are, there is little doubt as to whether or not you’ll have to tell them a minimum of 42,357 times not to open and close that tray table in front of them.
- Or have to tell them not to kick the seat in front of them another 82,985 times, a seat which is occupied by a grumpy octogenarian who openly hates small children.
- They will most likely yell that they hate peanuts. Or crackers. Or whatever the airline is trying to pass off as food.
- They will elicit eye rolls from the flight attendants when they start dropping their snacks on the floor.
- You will find that the toy you brought to keep them occupied somehow goes from being moderately noisy to inconceivably ear splitting levels at high altitudes.
No, my friend, it will most likely not be easy. My advice to you is to bring the toys, the snacks, and do whatever the travel Illuminati says to do. But also to leave your concern for other people’s peace of mind at home.
YES.I.SAID.IT.
Look, ultimately, our job on the plane is to keep our children safe and to keep them from opening the emergency exits while we’re in the sky.
It is not to make other people like our kids.
It is not to have other people say, “Why, I didn’t even know there was a child on the plane! He/She is so well behaved. Here is your big fat gold star of being the best parent on the plane!”
Whoa, I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to get your kids to settle down on a plane.
What I am saying, though, is that most adults hate being on a plane for more than two hours. Most adults start kicking the seat of the octogenarian in front of them because oh my goodness, I don’t care if you fought in World War II, no human being should be allowed to snore THAT loud and not suffer consequences. Why would we expect more from our kids than we would from other adults?
Plus, I figure that the people who are going to hate your kids for being, well, kids decided to hate them the moment you brought the kids on the plane.
And, hello, who cares what the people who hate our kids think ? Those people suck. Our kids are awesome in all their crazy, seat kicking, tray table opening, screaming and vomit spewing glory.
Just keep your kids safe, try to keep them happy, ignore that old fart in the seat in front of you who keeps talking about how parents in his day had better control over their kids. Parents in his day were sending their kids to work in coal mines, too.
So, really, what does he know?
Safe and vomit free (not likely) travels to all.
About Faiqa Khan
Check out this article from Julie Cole, Mabel’s Labels founder and mama of 6: http://www.havebabywilltravel.com/links_articles/article_big_family_long_flight.htm
Those are great tips indeed, and ones that I use. Most of all, I think it’s important to just let go and try to get there in one piece.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I love your take on travel with kids. So far, we haven’t done anything more daunting than a 3-hr flight.
If you are worried about what other people think, though, here’s a tip a very smart lady gave us once (which we forgot about when we flew with our kids that one time): bring a box of earplugs to distribute to your neighbor’s on the flight. Even if they don’t use them, they will appreciate the gesture. I thought that was brilliant.
Okay, earplugs are brilliant, but I find them so for a completely different reason… I’m going to do that next time my FAMILY gets together. Just smile and nod, say, “Uh-huh” and think… I caaaan’t heeear yooooou, Daaaaad….
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Your fellow passengers? You will (likely) never see those people again. Since Murphy’s Law is not usually on your side (definitely never on mine!) my best advice in deflecting the stink eye is to simply not make eye contact. That said, I’ve been very lucky with helpful flight attendants and understanding seat mates.
Getting there may no longer be half the fun, but hopefully the process is a distant memory once you get where you’re going. It ain’t easy, but it’s worth it.
Twitter Name: hvbabywilltrvl
Agreed, completely.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Yeah, whenever I sit down on the plane, I always give everyone a sympathetic look and say, “Wow, you must have terrible karma. Or, you drew the short straw. Sucks to be you”. Then they laugh nervously and I just stare at them, expressionless. It’s my “consider yourself warned” look.
Then, if my kids are only marginally awful and not completely awful, they feel like they got away unscathed.
Twitter Name: DTKMMeLookCrazy
An excellent strategy and one that I have employed extensively. :-)
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Right on. When traveling with my son, my goal is to keep the noise coming out of his mouth “happy noise.” I figure people would rather hear a laughing child than a screaming one, so we get silly. And by “we” I mean I make a complete fool of myself and I don’t care who on the plane sees it!
I agree about the happy sound… I actually do my best to keep the kids entertained and this often results in making a fool of myself.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
I find the only people that give me dirty looks across the aisle are the ones who were never kids themselves.
Heh, well said, well said.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
This is precisely the reason my son didn’t fly until he was old enough to read. And until JetBlue and their magical back-of-seat television sets.
Twitter Name: msmegan
Back-of-the-seat television sets or the wheel… it’s really a toss up regarding which has had more impact on modern civilization.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
You speak the truth. The last time I flew with my daughter she covered me in so much puke that it soaked through to my underwear – while the seatbelt light was on. So I got to sit in that for about a half hour.
Twitter Name: kristenhowerton
Oh.my.god… that just sucks.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Well-said Faiqa. Fact is that air travel is hell for everyone, not just for kids. Kids just provide a convenient target for other people’s air-rage. Trying to worry about everyone else’s happiness on the plane while keeping your kids together is just a recipe for insanity.
“Kids just prove a convenient target…” so true, so true.
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Oh fantastic!
I so felt this ‘attitude’ when I had some suited twit complain about my boys running past him because ‘some people are trying to sleep’ AT 10 AM, LOL!
I explained as bently as I could that if they went to the end and back once they would leave him in peace for at least twenty minutes ….
Lucily for my sanity at that precise moment in time there was a lady in the seat behind him making very clear ‘ignore him’ signals whilst I responded to him politely …
Run, Snack, Activity … repeat … repeat … repeat …
Helen
That would be ‘gently’ …
Honest, I explained to him ‘gently’
I really did!
Helen
As a mommy who travels with a (now) 2 1/2 year old two to three times a year, 14/15 hours at a time, not including if my husband and I decide to risk a holiday trip just the three of us, I think your article hits the nail on the head.
Especially “If your child has never thrown up in their entire life, as soon as they walk or are carried onto that plane, their chances of throwing up will be quadrupled.” I remember traveling with my son back home alone a year ago, and he just had some milk while we were taking off (late night flight). They served us a light meal with some watermelon and I fed it to my son because he loves watermelon. One wrong bite later, I was covered in a lovely medley of curdled milk and watermelon pieces, with no change of clothes for myself. Thankfully, those are one of those few times that the flight was only an hour and a half long. The unfortunate soul beside me told me that he’s never seen anyone as calm as I was when they were puked on.
I completely agree with not caring whether people commend you on how well-behaved your child is or not. After this many flights, I’m just glad I haven’t pulled all my hair out or cried along with my child at the end of it. (Happened once, after being stuck in a drafty airport for 28 hours because of crappy weather, and a 14 hour flight on top of that. Still avoiding NY for that reason.)
Though I would like to add a modified point to the last thing on your list.
You will find that the toy you brought to keep them occupied, instead of being played how they normally play with it, will now be used to bang either the seat in front or behind you, with the volume up to ear splitting levels at high altitudes.