There was this fabulous moment with the new writers where we contemplated the first new posts.
Should they write a “Hello!”, acknowledge they were part of a brand new chapter, tell the world that they chose to write in their underwear and to the music styling of Karen Carpenter.
Um.
Well.
If you want to.
But, in every attempt to be fair, I will do the introductions. You can read more about them on the writers’ page (while trying not to gasp in horror). But, I will do a cocktail intro here.
Please meet Cecily and Amanda. Cecily has a blog called Uppercase Woman and Amanda doesn’t blog at ALL. I KNOW!!! These are the chicks that pretty much run things around here. Cecily drips spectacular from her pores while Amanda’s design prowess is only second to her coffee-making skills.
You can see why I keep these two around.
Faiqa. Dear, sweet Faiqa. Pronounced Fi-ka. I explain that because I pronounced it wrong for a long time and kept putting a “u” in there for longer. She is definitely NOT a racist. or a sexist. She might be a fascist. Not sure about that one.
For some reason in my memory Tania is eleventy feet tall. It could be that she’s making out with the Michelin Man in my memories too. (I did have a stroke, my memory is for crap these days.) No one shares my passion for cheese fries the way she does. For that, I will love her forever.
There was one question I asked Heather when she came to my house. Did she always wear a skirt? She did. Next to her skirts she was almost always wearing a camera. So I was super happy to show my kids pictures of me with Heather, someone they would know. And BAM! There’s a picture of her making inappropriate hands gestures. I love her.
You know how you have that one friend that is way smarter than you? That is Caitlin. When she gets her geek on, it’s almost like she speaks another language. It’s a good thing she like to spoon, cause otherwise she’d just be intimidating.
In the case of international crisis I would really only need two things, One is a full roll of duct tape. If you have to ask why you should be shot. The other is Jessica, who I am pretty sure could talk you out of anything. If you have ever been trapped with mountain goats, tourist from Kazakhstan and a shipment of Spam, you understand the Jessica thing. If not, we never had this conversation.
There’s a special friend that you’d swap underwear with in case of emergency. Well, I wouldn’t swap underwear with Kim, but I’d loan her a clean pair. I also can’t think of an emergency that we’d be forced to trade panties. My husband is already saving up money for bail when we meet in New Orleans. We may be trading undies there.
Then there’s Sugar. My friend who will tell you that your skirt is tucked into your panties. After she’s laughed herself into tears. And invited all your friends over so they can take picture with their phones. Sugar has one of the best laughs in the free world and part of the white slavery world too. Everything is DEFINITELY better with with Sugar.
Ron. Our first dude. Scary though it might be, not the hairiest back I’ve seen. I’ve got to give the man props that after one meal and one email exchange he was on board to be our inaugural guy. He’s crazy funny, wicked smart, easy to get along with and has McBlogger hair! *sigh* But he wished he was that person you sort of watched and stared in awe, then they came over and demanded to know if they had food stuck in their teeth. Except it’s underwear, your ass-crack, and a the chick named Deb.
When talking to Schmutzie, there was a moment of embarrassing honesty. I told her that I knew her real name, but I’d been calling her “Schmutzie” so long, I’d forgotten. I totally expected her to be gracious about my faux pas, but instead she danced around, pointing and laughing, singing along to Rocky Horror as loud as she could. (I assume she did, those Canadians have crazy ways.)(They also don’t like maple syrup more than the average person.)(But, let’s not talk hockey.)
If you haven’t touched Robin’s butt, you are MISSING OUT! That girl’s butt is like the eighth wonder of the world. Besides her butt, Robin has all sorts of talents that almost disqualify her as a true Aiming Low-er. But then you meet her, and she mentions snot and testicles in the first three minutes. Welcome to your mother ship, Robin.
Julia Roberts. I keep her around because I like the looks on people’s faces when I introduce them. Really. If you’ve got a total nerd on your hands and I get to introduce my husband too. Julia Roberts and Peter Mayhew, there’s a good chance they’ll pass out. Julia is total fun and you can ask her for any favor, but DEAR GOD don’t get between her and the salsa. You’ve been warned.
And that is everyone. That’s the whole crew. Butts, racists, crazy Canadians, where else could we possibly go?
Welcome to the new Aiming Low crew!
About Anissa Mayhew
What a fabutastic lineup—Aiming Low 2.0 rocks HARD! I’m almost sorry I’m not here anymore because so much awesome in one place? NOT SO EASY TO FIND.
Twitter Name: Izzymom
I’m sorry you’re not here anymore, but you make a GREAT designer. I love you and thank you for everything!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Thank you…I can take no design credit in this case but feel free to refer me to, you know, everyone on earth ;)
With all the work you did I only have one thing to say: BUTTON PLEASE!!!!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Awesome! Look forward to reading! :) XO
Twitter Name: allisonzapata
It always good to see you!! xoxo
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
we look forward to seeing you! :)
Yay! So proud to be a part of the new group writing here! Hoping to rise up enough to be low enough.
Really? Do we rise? Just the word make me need a nap!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Amazing!!! Congrats to the whole coven.
xo
Twitter Name: annsrants
We’ll totally use ketchup and sprinkle it on you! Some are squeamish. *eyeroll*
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Coven? I like that! Now where did I put that eye of newt?
*runs off to work on new spells*
Twitter Name: chickybaby
Yay! Aming Low is back. I’ve been staring longingly at the feedon my home page waitng for this day.
Twitter Name: unknwndreamer
Picture this moment where we run to each other, hugging in the rain!!
Or not.
Ahem.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Only if we can do it in slow motion.
Twitter Name: unknwndreamer
No, in a field of daisies with the sun shining and a swell of music!
I love this! Looking forward to reading.
Twitter Name: JosefinaLouise
I look forward to seeing you back here!!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
So people always say that in most movies or books that Part II is never better then Part I ……Let’s kick the shit out of this and ROCK IT OUT PART II STYLE!
Who’s with me????!!!
*raises hand*
*shakes it violently*
*falls over*
*still shaking*
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
ha ha ha omg trepidations over flowing *splish splash*
Yaaaay you’re back!! So happy to meet you all!
So happy YOU’RE back!!!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I’m just sticking around to hear more about Robin’s hindquarters.
Twitter Name: nicholee
Nichole- I’m going to go ahead & say that we have only covered the tip of the hindquarters “iceberg.” xoxo
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
There *might* be pictures, just saying.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Robin had me at the “Deez Nuts” sign on etsy.
anyone who gets the “deez nuts” painting is a friend of mine.
Twitter Name: robinplemmons
WE ROCK. HARD.
We do. VERY.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
And often.
Wow! What a spectacular crew! Will be reading!
Twitter Name: FireMom
I know, I almost pass out that I get to work with these ladies!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Thank god you gals (and guy) are back! I had some severe mental breakdown issues while you were away…now I can let the healing begin….
Twitter Name: lucynamackay
Healing? We’re all headed to the looney bin my dear, and taking you with us! ::insert evil laughter::
I thought you were driving??
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I would like to add that any of those inappropriate hand gestures caught on camera were made stone cold sober!
So excited to be part of a rocking group!
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
That’s why I want to make that picture into wallpaper!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
You are totally going to have to email me the photo in question. I am curious as to what hand gesture I am doing.
Twitter Name: DExtraordinaire
I wish you wouldn’t tell people I’m a fascist… it’s going to ruin my whole “take over the world by pretending to be nice” plan. (Also, SO glad to be working with this coven… er, group of writers).
Twitter Name: Faiqa
Hi, I’m the person standing behind you, waiting on instructions!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
You fascist!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
you swore that whole goat thingy was between you and me…..
It’s totally secret. Just you, me, and the Internet. COMPLETE secret.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Congrats, lovelies!
Twitter Name: mariamelee
Thanks!, sweets!!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
We got Goats!!!! Goats & Girls! Only at Aiming Low!
Does this mean we get a move about Chicks Who Stare At Goat?
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I’m with Cecily… you all Rock. Hard. Love to see you back! xoxoxo
Twitter Name: DanielleSmithTV
It’s good to be here!!!! xoxoxo
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I’m crying… half laughing and half awesomely humbled to be part of this fun. I love you guys. PS: If you go commando, you won’t get your skirt stuck in your panties.
Twitter Name: SugarJones
pss….If you’re in a wheelchair no one notices that your skirt is stuck in your panties!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
The fabulousness of this is beyond compare.
I LOVE.
Oh. my. word!
That is pretty high praise coming from you!!!
You’re, like, the classiest chick we know!
xoxoxox
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
OMFG this place is the awesome. I miss it *sigh* ANYWAY. You know I’ve got my anarchy pom-poms set to stun and I’m shouting it from the cyber roof-tops, AIMING LOW IS BACK Y’ALL.
(so happy)
xoxoxoxo
(did I mention how happy am I? yes? good)
Twitter Name: motherbumper
We miss the hell out of you! The only thing that keeps us from crying into our beer is the fact we drank it all. HEH. Pom Pom RULES!!I love the hell out of you!!!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Yay us !! WE ARE AWESOME AND SHIT ! ; p
Twitter Name: kimt205
Dude, I now have a master plan to lure away your friends. Ste[ one, buy chocolate!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Too. Much. Awesome.
Congrats on the re-launch. LOVES the new site.
We really just sat around and said. ” What would Kelly do?”
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
You had me at Kim T. Not that all of your writers aren’t amazing, but Kim’s got a special place in my heart. Can’t wait to read!
Sherry
Twitter Name: prCarrS
Goal #1. Lure you away from Kim
Goal#2. Buy lots of chocolate
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Oooh – so many of my favorite internet ladies all in one place!
Twitter Name: kristenhowerton
And if you ask really nice, we’ll let you sit in our lap.
BTW! Don’t forget, we have your new fave Internet DUDE too!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I’m equally jaded…
Plus I just got out of Betty Ford for a Midol addiction.
Twitter Name: Ronald Mattocks
Ok, I mayyy be an idiot for asking, but I’m confused. What happened to all the other writers?
Twitter Name: Tara Sikes
Tara, no idiots here! I’m sure many are wondering but are too polite to ask.
The old crew of writers had to go, they went to another project. Aiming Low 2.0 will be different without them, but still with the same ideals.
HEH. Ideals.
I hope you’ll stick around and give the new writer a shot. You’ll be happy you did.
xoxox
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Thank you for coming back, I’ve spent the last month wandering aimlessly around the internet, wondering what to do with myself. Finally, normal business can resume and I can just spend my days on Aiming Low, ignoring my housework and the Weetabox crust around my daughters mouth!
Welcome back, and hello to all the newbies, I look forward to your entertaining me.
Twitter Name: jaynecrammond
We’d almost leave because most of you last month sounds divine.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Congrats on the re-launch!
I love me some Robin. She has definitely found her mothership.
Twitter Name: StacieinAtlanta
We’ll always have NC. xoxox
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Ron is the real deal. You are lucky to have him.
Twitter Name: thejackb
Ummm…BACK OFF!!! We got him first!!!
Unless you don’t want him, then, “HI, WELCOME”
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Hey, I’m just lucky to be here!
Twitter Name: Ronald Mattocks
Aiming Low is back! The universe has restored the rightful order of things *sigh of relief*
Twitter Name: whatcausesthat
Jeez, what an ingrate I am. How did I miss this post? And you said such nice things about me too. I’m such a schmuck. I can already see the asterisks next to my name in the annals of Aiming Low history “*First dude blogger *Shortest Aiming Low career”
Well, in any case let me state for the record, I am greatly privileged and humbled to in the midst of such a talented & funny group. I am even more thrilled that Anissa thinks I have McBlogger hair.
(PS. I had my back waxed since we last talked)
Twitter Name: Ronald Mattocks