We are nice people.
Well.
We aren’t mean people.
Well.
Children don’t run and cry when we come down the street.
Usually.
We have learned to be nicer people. It means no hissing at strangers (which is a lot). It means no flailing about when Girl Scouts come to the door.
We’re talking REALLY nice.
Then our cat went into heat.
O.M.G.
Forget the nice, the cat is lucky we didn’t staple it to the garage wall.
See, we got one cat fixed just before I got really sick, but we never had time for the other. Which is the cat that we were going to have to stick down a garbage disposal.
It cries and meows all day and all night…and it rolls around like Madonna with poison ivy panties.
We already called her “stupid kitty”, and now we call her “slutty kitty”.
So, wisely, my husband told the kids that the cat was “in heat”.
Later that night, with all the slutty rubbing and meowing and singing of Pussycat Dolls songs, my eight-year-old came over, very distressed.
“Something is wrong with Kitty,” she said, most upset.
“i know,” I answered, plotting Kitty’s untimely demise.
“I think we should put her in the freezer for a few minutes.”
“Huh?”
“Daddy said Kitty was OVER-HEATED,” she explained.
I am definitely going to let Daddy figure out that one.
I had to explain the donkeys.
being overheated is apparently a very serious condition. I know because it happened to me once not to long ago. But maybe you could put ice in her water bowl, then make her sit in it, or try a cold shower? Either way I hear Cats LOVE water so give that a tray. Glad I could help. Your welcome.
Twitter Name: IamThePeachy1
Dude, if I wasn’t already IN a wheelchair, I would with your stellar advice. RRRAWR.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
ah… its good to have you back!
Cats in the freezer…. That would be easy to explain to the cops.
Explaining to the police means making sure they have your number. Right?
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I *just* dropped off our cat at the vet to get this problem taken care of. It was either that, or I was going to grab a kitchen knife and do it myself.
Twitter Name: midgetinvasion
I can’t reach the GOOD kitchen knives in my wheelchair, will a fork do?
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
There is NOTHING like the sound of a cat in heat. Poor Kitteh.
Twitter Name: Amy_Urquhart
There is ONE sound like a cat in heat, but i already hated Byork.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I’ve never had a cat, I never want a cat.
The End.
Twitter Name: alotofnothing
I’m gonna mail this cat to you. Done.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I remember when one of our cats went into heat. O what a nightmare.
Slutty kitty is right.
The cat just put on high heels. We’re getting serious.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Baaa HAAA! Little slut indeed!
You have to wonder though if cat sex is good or bad, either way it seems to involve a lot of screaming on their part!
The Donkey?
And, Qtips can, ahem, help.
Trust me….you don’t want to know about the donkeys.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Ahh hahahaha I love this so much.
Good thing the cat didn’t invite other cats over. YET.
Twitter Name: mariamelee
The cat is now in the living room, hanging with the homies, sipping his gin ‘n juice.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I never liked cats ever since they made my eyes swell to three times their size!
But, I still like cat lovers… no, I love them!
cats are minions i tell you….MINIONS
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
HAHAHA! That is CLASSIC!
Twitter Name: lovinstilettos
Oh, you laugh now. Call ma when the cats invade your home and demand fish sticks. You’ll cry, i tell you.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
hahahahhahahahaha!!! I have to call my sister and tell her this one. She’s got cats like that.
Give your sister my regrets.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
hahahaha! You made my Monday morning!
All the years we’ve known each other, you still find happiness in me agony.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
“it rolls around like Madonna with poison ivy panties.”
HAHAHA!!! I love it! :)
Twitter Name: mommabird2345
Just a hint: Poison ivy panties suck…..don’t ask
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Bah! An overheated catsicle! Awesome. Just awesome.
you laugh….catcicles are all the rage
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
OMG……I thought I would die laughing. I teach first graders so this really home. Kids say the funniest things. I had a kid tell me on St. Particks day she was going to be a leprachaun catcher when she grew up :)
Thanks for the laugh at the end of a LOOOOOONG Monday!
Twitter Name: iluvmycrazylife
I swear, when my cat was in heat the last time, she turned into a dog. Instead of the “normal” cat in heat screaming and moaning she meow/barked, extremely loudly.
She’s fixed now.
Also…. the “Sex on Fire” song by Kings of Leon came on the other day and my son said “Hey, it’s the song about the burning socks!” …. kids are awesome.
Twitter Name: JessNSB
I had so many laughter tears I could barely read this. This is one of my all time favorite posts I’ve ever read. I tried to read it out loud to my husband and couldn’t because I kept laughing.
Oh that is soooo good! Hilarious. Out of the mouths of babes. LOVE IT!
A cat in heat – nothing worse! I wish you luck with this one!
It’s all fun and games until you’ve got 132 male cats lined up at your front door.
I seriously JUST got a kitten on Sunday. Am I going to regret it? It’s a boy, so maybe not.
Twitter Name: ninemoremonths
The good news is, if the spaying by fork goes wrong and she ends up in the freezer, you could always sell her to some scary back alley burrito cart and make some cash. Just sayin.
Great to have you back:)
Twitter Name: kishafloren
OMG I laughed so hard!
I’m totally planning to put my cat in the freezer now. ROFL
Twitter Name: uthostage
Just stumbled upon this post…read it to hubby and he spit beer out his nose when I got to the Madonna part! LMAO