Saturday afternoon I spent way too many hours in the car with my mom and my niece Hannah. Without a flask or prescription drugs I was forced to stay awake and socialize. After Hannah shared a really long story about who the fuck knows what, I taught her how to play the hypothetical game of three.
“Hannah, would you rather eat a fart sandwich, a booger shake or drink a glass of pee?”
“Aunt Sarah, why do you always have to be so totally inappropriate?”
“Are you kidding me with this inappropriate crap, Hannah? You just asked me if I wanted to lick your brother’s butt, lick Uncle Ben’s armpit or sleep with a sweaty basketball player.”
“Aunt Sarah talking about pee is crossing the line.”
“You think pee is crossing the line? Pff. Hannah, do you even know what it means to sleep with someone?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to tell you?”
“If you tell me will Grandma yell at you again?”
“Yes.”
“Aunt Sarah, she already yelled at you three times. I don’t think the car is big enough for more yelling. Can you just tell me when I’m seven?”
“I’ll try and remember.”
“Aunt Sarah, you really love me.”
“I do love you, Hannah. I also love silence and watching you drink that pee-spiked Sprite.”
Sadly the silent thing didn’t work out, as my mom spent the remainder of the trip trying to convince Hannah her sprite wasn’t actually urine.
Someday I am going to make an excellent mother.
About Aiming Low Does Good
HAHAHA poor Hannah!
Twitter Name: lovinstilettos
I think Hannah and Sarah should get their own show.
Twitter Name: tenakim
i sweartogawd i have an aunt just like that!! love it!!
Twitter Name: honeybunny1081
There’s a reason I haven’t attempted to travel with my (almost) 3 year old son. You just confirmed it.
Twitter Name: norcross
I have shitty hair, therefore…I have to hate you for having good hair. Seriously. But, I have to like you for your conversations with your niece. They tell me that you will make a great mother one day, just like me (perhaps I am delusional about how good of a mom I am, but that is my right). And, I also love buying copious amounts of cheap red wine. My favorites, in case you haven’t found them / tried them yet, are Bota Box Cabernet and Black Box Cabernet. The equivalent of 4 bottles in one box that is good for at least 4 weeks after opening (although, who could ever have it last that long??? )….priceless!
Loved the post.
Twitter Name: Megan
this is hilarious!! and exactly the type of conversation I would have with my friends kids. Now the only thing the kids want to talk about is zombie invasion and michael jackson. I’m pretty sure my friends will never let me babysit again.
That is awesome.
I can’t WAIT to mess with my niece… but she’s only 5mths old, so I’ll have to wait it out for a while.
Good times!
x
Twitter Name: ladyestrogen