Part-time availability for woman or man to clean, maintain, organize, and cook for a household of four.
Must be available at a minimum of 20 hours per week.
Applicant must have an understanding of the expectations put upon him/her by the employer’s mother as the employer was raised in a neat, tidy, and well-organized household. Applicant must understand the self-afflicted pressure put upon the employer to live up to the standards of said mother.
Daily workload to include (but not limited to): making of all beds, rinsing dishes, loading dishwasher, unloading dishwasher of clean dishes, preparing healthy (as deemed by the mother) bagged lunches for two young children, preparing healthy (as deemed by the mother) snacks for children, preparing healthy (as deemed by the mother) dinner meals for family of four, sorting clothing by color, washing & drying clothing, folding laundry, putting laundry away in its specified location, picking up of general paper trash/random doll toys/game pieces and returning them to their specified location.
Weekly workload to include (but not limited to): vacuuming of floors of entire house as well as sofas, dusting all solid surfaces and random chotskies, grocery shopping for family of four, cleaning toilets, cleaning bathroom sinks, cleaning bathroom shower and tub.
Good looks are not required, but may result in photographic evidence of your existence.
Providing the husband of the house with weekly sexual favors not required.
Payment to be provided in hugs and a daily “thank you.”
Availability may need to be extended as to accommodate for weeks when the employer’s mother and father visit for the weekend. No additional payment will be provided, but the applicant must remain anonymity to their existence.
Lazy-asses like the employer need not apply.
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{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: amyjod
February 11, 2010 at 8:21 am
I’m thinkin’ 20 hours a week doesn’t begin to cover it! It sure wouldn’t in my house!
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:42 pm
@Amy Driehorst,
i’m banking on her being really efficient. you know, the opposite of me.
hahaha love it. I always tell everyone I need a sister wife!!
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:43 pm
@Allison Zapata,
sister-wife, house-wife, house-husband… whatever gets it done.
All I can say is, if you get someone who applies–ask them if they have a twin. Then send said twin over to my house, OK? :)
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:43 pm
@Mompy,
we should start some kind of network for getting housewives or sister-wives.
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing],
I think it could go over well!
I remember one time I was whining about how much housework/kids activity stuff I had to do. My brother-in-law joked, “You know what you need? A wife!”
I was going to rip him for the sexist comment, but then thought, “Crap! He’s right!”
Who else but a fellow housewife/wife could you trust to get it all done right? ;)
Twitter: thecaseplace
February 11, 2010 at 10:05 am
If you get more than one response would you mind passing them my email? I posted something like this on my facebook page, but I got nothing.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:44 pm
@Tia,
i’ll start a spreadsheet and add your name.
If you get more applicants than you need, can you send them my way? ;)
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:44 pm
@PunditMom/Joanne Bamberger,
you’re going on the notification list.
Twitter: MommaIncredible
February 11, 2010 at 10:47 am
I’m all about the SISTER WIFE! HAHAHAHA!
Twitter: lotsOspermies
February 11, 2010 at 1:33 pm
@Heather, I’m SO glad I’m not the only one who is down for polygamy! Hahahahahahahaha!!!
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:45 pm
@Pamela @ 2 much testosterone,
hooray for polygamy!
or, wait…
Twitter: lotsOspermies
February 11, 2010 at 1:50 pm
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], I’m telling you, those girls over on “Big Love” don’t know just how good they have it! HA!
Twitter: thecaffeinatrix
February 11, 2010 at 12:22 pm
We need household interns.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:46 pm
@IzzyMom,
oh
my
jeebus
you are the smartest woman in the world.
I will not be applying, but send me the applications of the ones that you pass on, ‘kay?
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 1:47 pm
@Gwen,
you’re on the list.
Funny!! I like the idea of a househusband….especially if he was good looking! KIDDING! But I do joke that I need a wife all the time…
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 3:32 pm
@Tina,
i could care less what he/she looks like, i just want my house cleaned.
Twitter: lotsOspermies
February 11, 2010 at 1:32 pm
OMG! After reading the workload lists, I think we do WAAAAAAY too much! Let me know if you find someone and I’ll pay them double!
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 3:33 pm
@Pamela @ 2 much testosterone,
that’s why i don’t do it. too much. JUST TOO MUCH!
Twitter: 3princessmama
February 11, 2010 at 1:50 pm
I would apply but that would mean I would have to do work. So I am not going to.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 3:38 pm
@Mandi Bone,
you’d apply to be my housewife? i’d totally buy you a disney seasonal pass and let you live on my fold-out couch.
Twitter: 3princessmama
February 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing],
If I could bring my girls I am there.Well if Greg would say it was ok.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 11:10 pm
@Mandi Bone,
your girls. my girls. no mens.
perfection.
Twitter: PickleSugarPlum
February 11, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Hubby has been talking about hiring someone for YEARS to do all the things he wants done daily, that typically are NEVER done. ;) But as said above, 20 hours is clearly not enough, for all that I do/am expected to do!
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 3:39 pm
@Ali @PickleSugarPlum,
i actually had a housecleaner for almost 3 years, but she just quit. totally awesome. now, i’m setting my sights on a full-on housewife to take care of everything.
Twitter: Texas_Red
February 11, 2010 at 2:36 pm
I realized early on that the only people who were successful as law firm partners had stay-home partners (or partners whose jobs were flexible enough to take time off to get dry cleaning, go to bank, etc.)
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 3:56 pm
@TexasRed,
everyone needs a housewife, even us who stay home.
I would even ask (force) her to have sex with my husband…I have bad tv to watch, yo.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 4:38 pm
@Allison Zapata,
that’s why i NEED the housewife. there’s too much tv, so little time.
You know who would make great interns? The women who work full-time outside the home and always say how much they wish they didn’t have to work!
C’mon ladies…send in those applications for your “dream job” of stay-at-home mom.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 5:09 pm
@Robyn,
stay at home OR work out of the home… either way, we all need a housewife.
If you get an applicant that wants full time, I could easily supply the 20 hours of the week. I’m giving like that. Perk for working for me, I have a small house and will do the grocery shopping myself. But they have to do all the school running, it just kills me. Of course it would be a long commute between the jobs….I’m in Wisconsin.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 5:11 pm
@Kendra,
YOU TEASE!
I think I’m the only person who was like, Wow, that sounds fun! Too bad it paid in things that make me want to boil my skin off, usually.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 11:12 pm
@Zoeyjane,
i can arrange for a different form of payment if that’s all that’s stopping you.
Twitter: Al_Pal
February 11, 2010 at 6:00 pm
If I’m ever a houseguest, I would totes do the grocery shopping for you. & my sandwich making skills are excellent. :P
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 11:13 pm
@Al_Pal,
i loves me a good sammich.
No thanks, I have kids that help me w/ all that! If however you ever feel the need to come do my share of the housework, don’t hesitate to come on over.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 11:14 pm
@Melissa,
i’m sorry, but did you happen to read where i don’t do my OWN housework? why the crap would i come do yours?
(how much would you pay me?)
Whoa! That job description is BANG ON for the job I had last year as ‘personal bitch’ (and YES – that IS the direct Swiss translation for nanny).
Although the one last year also included taking the kids everywhere, ironing everything (hope you like your undies crisp), being forced to sleep in the playroom, picking up dog crap from EVERYWHERE, picking up runaway tweens off the streets of zurich at 2am…as well as grocery shopping, picking up the dry cleaning, taking the car in to be repaired and attending school functions/field trips…cooking for dinner parties for multimillionaires…oh…and working at least 40 hours of overtime a week with no extra pay.
So if you can gaurentee me those sort of specs…well…I’ve been there, done that….and there is NO WAY IN HELL that I’d ever do it again.
Sorry…applicant fail…you need some fresh, young, naive blood…I’m far too tainted.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 11:14 pm
@Erin,
holy crap on a cracker, that sucks. my sister went to be an au pair in france, but she could only manage a month. her host family was CRAY ZEE.
You forgot butt-wiping. Or are your kids too old for that now?
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 11, 2010 at 11:15 pm
@Val,
are kids ever too old for butt wiping?
I just said I needed a wife a few days ago…honestly.
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 12, 2010 at 3:41 pm
@Tina,
great minds and all.
Tell those girls to grow up and pitch in already!!! :P
Twitter: alotofnothing
February 12, 2010 at 3:51 pm
@Secret Agent Mama/Mishelle,
dude. i wish.
Twitter: modernsupermom
February 13, 2010 at 6:16 am
I could round out his/her hours by having them come to my place. Health benefits for full-time employment will include: access to the band-aid box (keep your hands off the tattoo bandages though!) and use of the ice pack in the freezer.
i want 2 be an house husband if any one intrested send a mail to said_people@yahoo.com or call @ +91-8099999694