The Tale of the Dragon and the Queen

Our tale begins 3 years ago many years ago in Ohio a land far far away.

There once was a worn out working mom a beautiful Queen who was married to a worn out working dad handsome King. They lived in a 2 story house beautiful castle and had a sweet little prince who was at the time of this tale a wee 2 and a half years old. The beautiful Queen was so pregnant she wanted to die soon to soon to give birth to a beautiful Princess. In our tale the beautiful Queen had a job where she worked because they had to pay the bills out of the joy in her heart to serve others.

One day, on the last day of the Queen’s service before being cut open blessed with the arrival of the princess the Queen found herself locked out of her darn car unable to get into her her white stage coach due to her own stupidity evil trolls putting a locking charm on it. The Queen was royally pissed very distressed and she called the King to come to her rescue. The King was unable to get to her and reminded her that there was a spare key magic wand kept beneath the stage coach for just this purpose that would break the evil spell.

Our fair Queen being fat and swollen beautifully rounded with her baby was unable to get down on the ground and reach under the stage coach for the wand though she tried with all her might. Meanwhile in the pond next to her stage coach an evil goose dragon was watching all of this with evil thoughts in his heart. He wanted to kill the Queen….he did. He slowly advanced on her while she was trying to reach the magic wand and began hissing his face off taunting our beautiful queen. Finally after many minutes of the stalking her, the Queen, now very distressed told him to fuck off kindly asked him to spare her life. The Queen was beginning to think she would never get back to the castle when a lady out on a smoke break wonderful fairy came along having heard the Queen cussing at the Goose like a fool plea with the evil dragon to leave her be. She was able to reach the magic wand and our Queen was able to return to the castle.

2 years later our Queen still tired…2 kids now living her blessed life with the King, Prince and Princess was once again heading back to the castle after a day of working in insurance serving others out of the need to pay daycare the goodness of her heart. She was heading to her new and improved mini van stage coach when she noticed the same damn goose evil dragon slowly heading her way. At first he came at her slowly…quietly….she watched him, unsure what his intentions were. He hissed growled at the Queen and she was beginning to once again fear for her life. All of the sudden the goose dragon took flight and flew straight at the Queens’ face honking roaring loudly at her, fire flaming out of his mouth. In fear the Queen screamed. Armed with a Kate Spade bag a mighty sword given to her by the King to protect herself she did the only thing she could do and swung that bag up over her head raised her sword and nailed his ass with it just before he hit her in the face slayed the dragon just as he was set to kill her. The dragon lost some feathers and flew back to the pond fell. Dead.

Later that night at the castle. After everyone she knew had made fun of her tales of her bravery had reached far across the land the Queen realized that she was missing her 30G video iPod magic music box that she had in her Kate Spade bag close to her at the time of the attack. Frantically she went back to the place she had been working that day and looked all around for her magic music box as it was one of her most treasured possessions. Alas the magic music box was missing…her one hope was that someone had found it and would turn it into the lobby return it to her.

The next day….she was giving her time once again to the insurance company the people of her land when she was sent a message from the receptionist a messenger that someone had FOUND her beloved music box and it was waiting for her to pick up. With joy the queen ran to collect her music box…only to find that someone had ran it over it had been destroyed. Alas, in the chaos that was the attack on the dragon her magic music box had fallen out of her purse and had been ran over by another stage coach. The queen was so sad for she loved her music box.

Upon returning to the castle that night, saddened by the loss of her music box she pleaded with the King to please let her buy another one make her a new one. The king knowing he would never hear the end of it loved the queen SO much that he set out to buy make her a new one right away….80G BOO YA more beautiful then the last. The beautiful Queen was happy once more after 3 to 5business days.

And the beautiful, brave Queen lived happily ever after.

Cammie doesn’t sleep very much, but all that not sleeping gives her time to bring the funny on her site, Life in the House of No Sleep. She lives Twilight and hates geese, so obviously, we love her.