Survivor Heroes and Villains Recap, Week Two: ‘Social Kryptonite’

We go straight to the Villains tribe enduring their third night on the beach without shelter. It’s raining and the whining is pouring from many of the gaping pieholes in the tribe. Tyson whines about “The only thing ‘paradise’ about this hell hole is leaving it.” Be careful what you whine for Whiney McTyson. How’s that Eurotrash banana hammock fashion choice working out for you now buddy? Something that small can’t be all that warm.

But not all are crying over the rain in front of their teammates. Boston Rob saved his whining for the one-on-one session where he babbles about how no one on the Villain team wants to do anything — including building a real shelter — because no one will step up (pot meet kettle?) Rob declares that because of this, HE has to suffer. Rob has developed a cough, the tribe is soaked to the bone, and no one is sleeping. Being a lazy villain really sucks. Rob laments about how he is always on the buffoon tribe and he has been in all three seasons he has participated. Dude, maybe you need to start reflecting inward to figure out what makes a buffoon. Just sayin’.

Morning of Day Four. In a somewhat romantic setting of breaking dawn — save for the fact that they look like drowned rats — Jerri and Coach discuss how much whining there was the previous evening and that if this is how they are holding up on the third night, these people suck. These two feel so superior that I can’t wait for them to fall hard.

Anyway. Renewed by morning’s light, the Villains begin to build a new camp and Randy rants in his one-on-one about how this is the fourth redesign in four days and how the first one built was the best one. When Rob throws a fit because his shelter design idea is challenged, Courtney takes over as foreman much to the disgust of Randy. He mutters something about how a waitress became a construction worker all of the sudden but this is no surprise; Randy hates women because they hate him.

In a somewhat prophetic one-on-one Courtney talks about how Rob is the “bright shining star” and basically that if he drops dead in the next few days, the entire team is f*cked. Oh Courtney I think you have a bit of the psychic powers… or is that psycho? Hard to tell sometimes.

Meanwhile in Heroville, the team — bolstered with their superhero background music — is being over-productive in every way possible. I wouldn’t be surprised if they make a working coconut conveyor belt or something a la The Professor on Gilligan’s Island. This team appears cohesive… OR is this just an illusion?

‘Stephanie…’ Rupert sounds like he is spitting when he says her name. He wants to get rid of her B. A. D. But why? He says she is a sweet girl (I love how the heroes all say nice things before they tear a strip off ‘em behind their backs…it’s like being stuck in a corporate team from hell on this tribe) BUT he feels that she would align with anyone just to get one day further. And he’s probably right. Stephanie isn’t clueless and finds Rupert super annoying because he has an opinion about everything. But she doesn’t say that in her one-on-one until after she has also stated ‘He IS a good guy BUT…’

Rupert and Stephanie butt heads over the cooking of coconut. Rupert is circling as she stirs it over the fire and his critique of her technique is so passive-agressive I want to slap the tie-dye right off his shirt. When she asks for his advice after listening to his complaining he says to her ‘I dunno, you’re the cook!’ So Stephanie keeps her mouth shut because she can feel the target being drawn on her back. She’s not stupid.

Back in Villiantown: Surprise! Rob is complaining about the camp AND about how he is weak and dizzy. He thinks the shelter sucks and he talks to Sandra about his frustration. In an attempt to blow off steam methinks, Rob wanders away from camp. As he wanders-staggers around in the jungle, he collapses. Jerri has seen it all happen and WALKS over to try and wake him up. In true reality television style, the camera team simply observes.

While I was disappointed that it wasn’t Jerri who caused Rob to be laid out on the jungle floor, I’m glad she was there to help. Well… kinda. Anyway, Jerri begs him to open his eyes. He gasps out “get help” and Jerri walks off to get someone. They show a bit of one-on-one with Jerri talking about the incident and she says something about how Rob’s collapse has really scared her. Scared her so much that she WALKS for help. Then they show her ‘almost crying’ on the beach. Give the girl an onion because thinking about crushing kittens isn’t working for her. Wow. I’m surprised Jerri didn’t use this opportunity to finish him off with the machete she was carrying in her hand at the time but I guess that pesky camera crew got in the way. Woman had a machete but didn’t finish the job…

So the medical team arrives and Rob can’t even open his eyes. They force him to sit up and he can barely drink the offered bottle of water. He cries to Probst about how the game is ‘getting the best of me.’ The medic declares that he looks worse than he really is and eventually Rob comes back around. Then he has an epiphany: Stop trying to be the good guy and just start being the villian everyone wants him to be. The medic pronounces him okay, that he has a touch of the flu and Rob quips “and a bit of crybabyitis”. Now that he passed medical, Probst slaps Rob on the back and says ‘you’re on your own.’ When Rob returns to camp he says that it was just heat and exhaustion and stuff and that he should be back to normal in 48 hours. Hopefully he will skip sharing that he had an epiphany of being ‘bad’.

Bring on the Immunity Challenge with a reward of a tarp and supplies for camp! Basically the tribes need to collect huge crates using teams of two and then use the super huge crates to spell the tribe name by stacking them like stairs. Oh great, another puzzle challenge. We know how good the Heroes are with puzzles.

The teams strategize and this is important: you clearly hear on the Heroes team that it is decided that everyone will listen to JT and Tom repeats a phrase you will hear ad nauseam for the rest of this episode: ‘one voice’.

Like last time, the Heroes get off to a good start. The Villains seem to have too many weak girly arms but they are busting nuts trying to catch up. The Heroes have strong manly arms all around so they pull ahead in collecting the crates. But the Heroes lead is threatened once the Villains crate pieces are collected and the puzzle making begins.

Rob and his recent epiphany are about to kick his tribe’s collective butt. Rob takes over by telling everyone to shut up and listen to him. Villians suddenly become strong. The Heroes are keeping pace but the Villains pull ahead. As Jeff stands on the sidelines he pronounces that the Heroes lead has evaporated.

JT, the appointed team lead, starts to get upset because the Heroes had it right but someone f*cked up and didn’t listen to him. James rants that too many people are shouting at him and he gives Stephanie an exasperated look while saying ‘you all need to listen: one voice’. And James is correct, Stephanie is bossing everyone around and trying to take over JT’s leadership. James can’t take it anymore and just turns and shouts “SHUT UP, SHUUUUT UP” towards Stephanie. She is confusing everyone by overriding JT’s weak leadership. But it’s too late, the Heroes are now suddenly very, VERY frustrated and it shows. They are falling apart as a team. The Heroes are turning on each other and it feels like Mom and Dad are fighting in front of the kids.

Because the Heroes are cannibalizing each other the Villians win reward and immunity. Meanwhile James is now telling the team off but you know he’s focusing on Stephanie. JT looks like he is going to vomit. James starts ranting about “we need one voice y’all” … Stephanie looks like she is holding back from ripping James a new one because you know that she feels a target from Rupert and a new one growing from James. James calls Stephanie ‘social kyrptonite’ in his one-on-one and bases this label on the fact her past includes having everyone eliminated off her tribe save for her and he thinks she IS the problem. James spouts off about how Stephanie is splitting up the ‘super hero powers’ and she needs to go home NOW. Woah, she has two large targets on her back. Things do not bode well for powerhouse player Stephanie.

The Heroes go home looking defeated. Basically the discussion around tribe is JT tried to run the puzzle and some people wouldn’t listen to him. You can tell James is aiming his complaints at Stephanie. He then continues to talk about how Boston Rob told everyone on the team to shut up and that’s why they won. As the heroes team discusses that point, James starts going off again about the ‘one voice’ deal and the team needs to ‘shut the fuck up and listen’. Then he starts ranting about he has always been a winner and this behavior needs to stop. Colby is looking uncomfortable and Stephanie looks agitated. Meanwhile James is STILL talking and now he’s beginning to irritate me. We get your point James, now shut up before everyone votes you off tonight at tribal council. These people always seem to forget that they are headed to tribal council and now the time is to behave, not give the team reasons to vote you off. Is James shooting himself in the foot by getting on everyone’s nerves — enough to get voted off in this episode?

Hello Stephanie, take advantage of this ‘vote crazy James off’ seed while you can. But of course she doesn’t.

In Tom’s one-on-one he says that he doubts James has always been a winner. Note he hasn’t said that to James’ face because if he had, Tom would have been the first homicide victim on Survivor.

After his rant, James stomps off into the jungle like an over-muscled two-year-old.

Meanwhile, over at the Villains’ camp, our favorite team to hate are making love to their tarp and supplies. Also, the newly reborn Rob has caught lots of clams. Let the ‘touch my clam’ jokes begin.

Russell has a one-on-one and talks about how Rob ‘thinks he’s in charge’. Russell is in awe of Rob’s personality and how strong it is. Russell, trust me, you have met your match but this doesn’t stop King Russell for declaring ‘I am King Russell from Samoa’. To counteract Rob’s recent clam acquisition, Russell catches a chicken for dinner. He declares in his one-on-one that he is The King (of Kentucky maybe).

Back in Broken Down Hero Palace, James is ranting about Stephanie to JT, Cirie, Amanda, and Candice. He talks about how her team NEVER wins yet Stephanie somehow always survives. He is trying hard to plant the seed of ‘Stephanie the pariah’. James says ‘Something just ain’t right and it’s got to be her.’ In another corner of the beach, Tom is seen telling Stephanie that she is indeed ‘in a bad spot’.

JT realizes he is actually the one in a bad spot because he has made alliances with James AND Tom so he has to pick sides in tonight’s vote. Sucks to be JT and his philandering alliances way. He knows that he has to decide where his, Candice’s and Cirie’s votes are going tonight since he made alliances with both sides of the team. Ugh. JT looks like he wants to vomit again. JT runs into Rupert on the beach and they start talking. But Tom, Colby, and Stephanie see him talking to Rupert and realize that they are on the dreaded other side of the team. They desperately plot to bring Candice and Cirie on their side so they can send Amanda home. Holy crap, have they ever watched Cirie play before? That’s a long shot if I ever saw one.

Stephanie approaches Cirie and tells her that she (Cirie) is next if she (Stephanie) goes tonight. So she asks her to vote Amanda off with her, Tom, and Colby. Annnnnnnd cut to the other side of camp where Tom is telling Candice the exact same thing. Candice tells Tom that she feels she is in the bottom position on both alliances of the Heroes team. Tom tries to convince her she’s more important as the swing vote and that she is secure if she goes with Tom and Stephanie. But Candice isn’t stupid, she knows that doesn’t really make any sense.

Predictably, Candice and Cirie then get together to discuss how they are voting. Cirie declares that ‘once this decision is made all the claws are out’. Cirie marvels on how everyone assumes she is tight with Amanda considering Amanda chose Parvati over her in the final last time. Candice wants someone to trust and Cirie agrees. Looks like these two are the swing alliance. So who will be voted out tonight: Stephanie or Amanda? Cirie says as long as it’s not us, it really doesn’t matter to me.

Tribal Ewok Treehouse council begins. Probst throws out the usual baited question, James goes after Stephanie but claims that he isn’t. He says to Stephanie ‘it isn’t about you even if you think it is.’ Then he goes on to say that the person who tries to cover their back (implying Stephanie) is the one that usually has to. Huh? James, you say that this isn’t about Stephanie but it sure does appear that you are ranting all about Stephanie. Finally Colby jumps in and tells James to ‘just let it go bro.’ Then Tom jumps in to the ‘Let’s Defend Stephanie’s Sinking Ship’ conversation with “make it three” meaning he’s with her and Colby. Tom accuses James of bullying Stephanie and that he doesn’t know how it works in James’ world but this is bullying. Good thing Tom doesn’t live in James’ world because I don’t think you’d survive two minutes. JT looks like he is going to vomit again. JT, just be thankful that you haven’t been dragged into this conversation. Keep your head down boy.

The council continues and basically holy crap y’all: day six and the Heroes are going nuts. They have moved from a ‘team mentality to self-preservation’. Past relationships are brought up to haunt everyone. They are all talking about being stabbed in the back and seriously, this talk is beginning to sound like a Great White song with once bitten, twice shy. They move to the vote. Par usual, one obvious vote is revealed and this is Stephanie writing down Amanda talking about ‘getting rid of the weakest’.

So! Is Cirie going to go with Amanda who stabbed her in the back in the previous game by chosing Pavarti over her to go the final two? I would think there’s not a snowball’s chance in Tyson’s Paradise Hell. Let’s see how the votes come out.

Steph
Amanda
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Five votes is enough. Stephanie is gone. After her flame is extinguished, she turns to the tribe, looks James in the eye and says “A little advice. Next time Y’ALL lose a challenge, a little less cursing off your tribe might help.’ James spits out ‘keep your mouth shut’ and Tom reacts like a Dad who’s lost control of his teenagers with an exasperated ‘oh come on’ comeback. The camera shows JT with his head is in his hands. Vomit in the mouth perhaps?

Stephanie’s exit interview shows her crying and nattering on about divisions since day one. Sad face clown for Stephanie.

Next time on Survivor! The tribes get muddy and James goes even more postal than before. Tom lectures that James needs to bring down his nasty broodish bullying. I’m shaking in my boots Pops.