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Thu, Feb 4 2010 | Published in Playing House

I used to have a crush on her

By: Tena  

tenaavAbout ten years ago, I was obsessed with home remodeling shows.  It was so 2000, but it was all the rage.   Cliche as it was, I enjoyed me some Trading Spaces.  I even applied to the show although my neighbor at the time said she wouldn’t do it if  Hilde or Doug would be doing her room.   I told her to shut her trap and deal with it- I wanted my 15 minutes of fame and a cheaply remodeled room decorated in poor taste.

My favorite designer was Doug Wilson (not to be confused the with awesome pothead character played by Kevin Nealon on Weed’s- but just as loveable and, likely, high at times, also.)

images1He was such a shit disturber. If the homeowner hated red, he’d paint the room red.  If the homeowner pleaded NOT to take out their brand new carpet- the carpet was definitely gone!    He once did a bedroom styled after a prison cell- complete with a ‘toilet’ bench.  Or there was the time when he hired nude models so they could trace their silouhette on the wall from a projector.   Or when he found a secret boudoir photo that a wife had done for her husband and BLEW IT UP and put it over the fireplace!

Dude had balls!

Apparently, he’s had some tough times…he was arrested for a DUI last year.

doug_wilson_arrested

Not that I’m encouraging driving under the influence, but, come on, he’s a bad boy and danger is sexy and so is he- maybe not THAT sexy in that pic, but I’m guessing it was a rough night.  And I’m 80% sure that he’s straight.  And probably a lunatic in the sack.   And he can sew.

I outgrew the home show genre- or I got too lazy to care anymore- which ever.

I caught his most recent show Moving Up the other day.  Imagine my dismay to find that he’s turned into a lesbian woman! ( That’s her on the right with the long feathered grey hair.)

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About Tena

You can find Tena from My Therapy in her journey to discovering what’s next. Recovering “do-it-all” mommy finally realizing that this thankless, breakneck, under paid job of stay at home mom may not be for her after all – just 11 years, 4 kids, loss of youth and firmness and many an identity crisis too late. I’ve served my time keeping up the image of doting soccer mom, chauffeur, room mother, cop’s trophy wife and have come to the realization that perfection is tiring. My kids are all toilet trained, fed, and semi-literate, essentially, my job here is done. I now spend my time watching reality TV and trying to compose a theory for how long it is acceptable in society to go without a shower.
View all articles by Tena
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