To my children,
There’s been a lot of talk lately about us moms being “bad” or “Type B” which I take to mean that we aren’t fitting into what society has tried to feed us as the New Rules of Mothering. Instead, we may let you watch too much TV, eat sugary cereal, jump on the couches, go outside without the right coat, pick your nose, or draw all over your body with magic marker, all in an attempt to eke out a little “me” time to work, meditate, watch Oprah, sneak cookies or whatever.
And, while I can’t speak for everyone, I think I’m getting good results for my less-than-perfect effort. You guys are good kids, even with my lack of patience, short attention span, intermittent distractedness, and penchant for using electronics to buy myself some time alone.
I know I could do some things to be a better mom, but this isn’t a one-way street kiddos: you could step up your game too. In other words, if you want your mom to become that Perfect Specimen of Motherhood, you’re going to have to make some changes too.
1. If I cheerfully ask if you’ve done your morning chores, you will not look at me blankly, as if you’ve never heard the term “morning chores” even though we both know that they are written on a piece of paper hanging outside your bathroom door.
2. If I carefully create a full-course dinner with representation from all the major food groups using organic foodstuffs, you will eat it all cheerfully and proclaim me the best cook ever. You will not tell me that “dinner is yucky”, refuse to touch anything on your plate and then whine that you are h-u-n-g-r-y after I’ve cleaned up the dishes.
3. If we sit down to play a rousing game of Candy Land for the 10th time of the morning, you will not flip the board over in protest when you end up with Plumpy. No, a Type A Mother would not shuffle the cards to send you back to the beginning.
4. If I were to shut off your Lego Star Wars video game or your Webkinz session because I just want to spend more quality time with my children, you will not proclaim that I am “stupid” and that you want to “kick” me.
5. At bedtime, if I were to make it through our multi-step bedtime routine of PJ’s- brush teeth – story without yelling or complaints, you will not then jump all around your room until 9pm. No, a Type A child goes straight to sleep and does not wake her Type A mother until 8am.
See what I mean?
So, when you are ready to become a Type A child, just let me know and I’ll see what I can do. And, if you’d rather keep things the way they are, I’m ok with that too.
In fact, I’m better than ok with that.
Now, shhhh, I have this Tweet to answer.