But then again, you probably don’t live in Orlando and visit Disney World every other weekend like I do.
We consider ourselves lucky to be so close to the Happy Fairy Magicland, but I realize some people who are dead in their hearts see Disney as plastic/phony/cheezy. I get it. I understand it. But I like plastic/phony/cheezy. It’s much better than pulling weeds, cleaning toilets, or cooking nourishing foods for my family. (See: things I avoid like the plague.)
My girls love going to any of the Disney parks – they never want to leave. Like every quality parent, bribery is usually used to trick them into leaving. Someday in the near future my girls are gonna call upon those empty promises for their life-size Mickey head-shaped candied apple and, like every quality parent, I’ll fib and tell them those are filled with sleepy-time drugs just like the witch’s in Snow White and they’ll be officially scarred for life thinking Disney will poison their guests.
I digress…
We went to the Magic Kingdom the other day and both girls were pretty much their normal selves (see: 60% happy, 20% tired, 20% whineypants). While waiting in line to see Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen (whom I can guarandamntee you was really looking for another Prince rather than a Princess ifyouknowwhatimean), my 5yo fell asleep on my lap.
At 4pm.
At Disney.
In line.
After she we woke her up and I bribed her to SMILEPRETTYFORTHEDAMNPICTURES, she asked to go home.
From Disney.
At 5pm.
For no (apparent) reason.
Mommy alarm bells should have been going off so loudly in my head that the woman next to me should have heard. But no. I had plans, and those plans were going to be followed through.
Don’t mess with my plan. I will cut you.
Also, I am anal. (The good kind.)
But no, we decided to soldier on and push the lethargic kid to get her happy on.
She was kind enough to retaliate our good parenting skills of ignoring the signs of our child and PUKE ALL OVER THE DISNEY CLOTHING STORE ON MAIN STREET.
Oh, yes she did.
Moral: When your kid suddenly falls asleep in line while waiting for a Princess and her gay husband, take her home before she pukes on the happiest place on earth.
- Highlights from My Week with a Pathetic, Sick Baby
- Recovering Do-It-All Mommy
- Falling from Grace. Again.
- The Evolution of Boy
- The Best Laid Plans
{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve had kids puke at Walt Disney World too! Lovely. Once…in the wave pool at Typhoon Lagoon!!!…and another time, same kid puked near the restrooms by the entrance to Tower of Terror. This second time, the vomit actually disappeared magically. By the time, I located a cast member to clean it up, it was already gone. Pixie dust at work!
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 11:27 am
@Lucinda,
oh my lords. did they shut down the pool?
and yes, the pixie dust is all over, even on the puke.
Is this why you missed my fucking birthday party? Fine, I forgive you.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 11:28 am
@Avitable,
i’ll make it up to you someday. or maybe i’ll bring over a sick kid.
Wow. I guess the good news is that you didn’t load her up on Mickey-head-shaped ice-cream bars before the puke happened. Nothing like the smell of digested dairy in reverse.
My husband and I had the brilliant idea once to drive with our toddler- and teenage-daughter from Iowa to Virgina. About 1,058 miles (give or take). In our brand-freaking still-smells-good new car. Little daughter did great the entire trip … not so much as a blown-out diaper or a spill of any kind. Older daughter tried to kill us with attitude, but the Dramamine helped with that. Our last pit stop before we reached our destination included a snack of … wait for it … string cheese and orange juice. (You know where this is going, don’t you?) So five FIVE miles from our relative’s house, the little one projectile vomits liquidy, cheesy orange-with-white-clumps acid-smelling puke all over my back seat. And all over my middle child. Who was not pleased. Ah, revenge. Let’s just say we drove the last few minutes of the trip with our windows down, kid sitting in a puddle of her own insides. We got to my uncle’s house, ran to the backyard and dumped the kid in the lake, and then went to work tearing apart the carseat — which I had installed quite well and had loads of fun trying to un-install without getting barf under my nails. Moral of the story? Leather seats. Best decision I ever made.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:21 am
@Mimi Ruse,
oh my holy puke HELL.
my 3yo (at the time) puked in her car seat. we got a whole new car seat. ain’t NO WAY you can get that mess out of all those car seat crevasses.
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
January 28, 2010 at 9:58 am
I can’t think of anything to saw about vomit other than, THANKS A LOT FOR MAKING ME READ A POST ABOUT VOMIT.
Also, I was coerced into leaving this comment.
THIS AREA IS TAINTED.
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
January 28, 2010 at 10:02 am
PS: Yes, I typo like a motherfucker. Live with it.
PPS: By “coerced” I’m sure we all know I was referring to the evil, demon sock puppets that live under my bed (they are your biggest fans, Aiming Low). Angie had nothing to do with it.
PPPS: Did I type that all correctly, Angie?
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:03 am
@Lotus,
you’re the biggest turd.
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
January 28, 2010 at 10:07 am
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], What can I say? I aspire to greatness.
Twitter: kidthingsnet
January 28, 2010 at 10:16 am
I’ve never been to Disney World, but I puked all over our State Fair a couple years back. Does that count?
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:23 am
@C @ Kid Things,
you don’t need a fake mouse to make it count.
Twitter: lotsOspermies
January 28, 2010 at 10:32 am
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], Fake mouse? I bet now you’re going to tell me I’m adopoted?!
Twitter: the5mccools
January 28, 2010 at 10:22 am
my oldest did puke at disney, but it was on the monorail…luckily anytime that my oldest has ever been sick, it’s been in the care of the grandparents, so, i’ve never had the pleasure of “taking care of it”…lucky me!
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 11:26 am
@Ashley,
lucky bitch.
Twitter: lotsOspermies
January 28, 2010 at 10:36 am
One time my son had pasta with ricotta cheese in it, baked ziti. So, so yum! About an hour later, the kid spewed all. over. my. fucking. couch. When the smell hit I was surprised we didn’t all lose it! Thank God it was the kind of couch where I could unzip the cushions and wash the outer parts, etc….
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 11:25 am
@Pamela,
oh
my
EW
Twitter: Amy_Urquhart
January 28, 2010 at 11:21 am
I am so out of the Disney loop…who are Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen?
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 11:25 am
@Assertagirl,
from the new movie The Princess & The Frog. you need to read up on these things now, mama!
my neice once puked at the entrance to pottery barn, which is a magic fairy land for a lot of adults! the store employees just stood around and stared. i think the manager was calling corporate.
i took her to the restroom and when she felt better, we headed back to pottery barn. there was now a huge crowd standing around the puke pile which was surrounded a bunch of those yellow warning signs showing someone falling on their ass. the entire end of the mall stunk. we left, hiding our faces.
i think a nice throw rug over the pile would have been a better solution.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:13 pm
@lee,
they store should have the special powder to soak it all up. you gotta just BACK OFF and leave the puke sometimes. then RUN.
Twitter: mariamelee
January 28, 2010 at 11:53 am
I totally had an incident like this with S. And I was YELLING at him when he looked at me and puked. I felt like such an asshole.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:14 pm
@MommyMelee,
i’m pretty sure all moms do that once or twice or ten times.
My kids have never been to Disney. But when they come we’re crashing your place! LOL
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:15 pm
@Secret Agent Mama/Mishelle,
oh HAIL yes (do they mind sleeping on the floor?)
Twitter: SillyJaime
January 28, 2010 at 1:04 pm
How humiliating!
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:16 pm
@SillyJaime,
not for me… heh.
I’ve heard that Disney has been infiltrated by the Norovirus. Not sure if that is true or not, but I do know that a good friend of mine had a pukefest at Disney last year. They ALL got sick. Kind makes you think about it being the happiest place on Earth huh.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:18 pm
@Jennifer,
uhhhhh yeah. not heard that one. they were on that puke like, well… like puke on the floor. i’m sure they’ve had additional clean-up training since the swine flu deal cause they were all over it and had it cleaned up in less than a minute.
Twitter: alimartell
January 28, 2010 at 2:10 pm
gross.
I might have nightmares about going to Disney now.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:19 pm
@the alimartell,
it’s not ALL covered in puke. they quarantine those places for at least 5 minutes or so.
you’re totally safe to come down.
Twitter: EmmieJ
January 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm
OMG, my son totally puked at Disneyland. In! a! restaurant! Poor kid. Last night there too. We’re going back for spring break to try to make it up to the young chap. And to get some more plastic/phony/cheezy souveneirs for his already ridiculous collection.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:20 pm
@EmmieJ,
yeah for plastic/phony/cheezy!
Twitter: EmmieJ
January 28, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Oh, and BTW, he got sick from some grapes we got from the fruit vendor on mainstreet (I got sick too and it was the only thing both of us ate so…my investigation says it’s so). See, health food will make you sick. I knew it.
Twitter: Issascrazyworld
January 28, 2010 at 5:52 pm
@EmmieJ, Stick to churros next time Emmie. :)
Twitter: EmmieJ
January 28, 2010 at 7:10 pm
@Issa, Or funnel cakes. Those are awesome for breakfast.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:22 pm
@Issa,
donuts = churros = nom = breakfast
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:22 pm
@EmmieJ,
that’s the number one reason i don’t exercise – it’s dangerous for your health, just like fresh fruit.
Twitter: lpgill
January 28, 2010 at 3:21 pm
Here I am, sipping my latte while sitting by the fire, thinking that I am about to read a happy little story about my favorite place. Little did I know! And the comments, oh my hell! Now all I can think about is puke- what it looks like, smells like…. You should put a warning up next time!
:)
Twitter: lpgill
January 28, 2010 at 6:52 pm
@Lauren, Yeah… So you DID put a warning up. In the title. Missed that one. It was the lack of caffeine- I am useless without it.
Sorry!
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:23 pm
@Lauren,
yeah, that big sign up at the top that says “PUKE” could have been a warning. next time, i’ll include pictures for the early-morning simple minds.
;)
Twitter: lpgill
January 31, 2010 at 10:32 am
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], LOL, thanks.
My kid puked in the wave pool at an indoor water park. They had to shut it down. The employees gave us evil stares and threw us a towel to start cleaning. Dear lord.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:25 pm
@Andrea,
oh yeah. you win the embarrassing story of the day.
Twitter: Issascrazyworld
January 28, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Yeah….that mommy bell works really well, unless you are some place fun and then I don’t know, the smell of funnel cakes drowns it out? I’ve had one puke all over Disneyland and another puke at the LA zoo. All because I ignored the signs.
At the zoo, my kid was asleep in her little sisters stroller and I just kept pushing the stroller thinking, oh maybe it’s the sun. She was six. And it was cloudy.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:26 pm
@Issa,
we push the signs back (WAY back) when mama’s got a plan and that plan involves expensive days at a theme park.
We live in Orlando too..I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had a kid puke at the World. Plus, I used to work there, so I’ve SEEN way too many kids puking in the World. LOL
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:27 pm
@Kelly C,
i worked there too (100 years ago) and i never saw it happen. i even worked at Star Tours and never witnessed it.
it’s a good thing, too, cause then i’d have had to clean my own up after.
I didn’t puke but my parents had a “sick kid” incident with me at Disneyland. They took me to Disneyland for one of my birthdays when I was little. We stayed in a little hotel nearby so we could spend a couple of days. A day or two before the trip, I got an ear infection (which happened to me a lot) and some cold or flu-type symptoms so I was on ear infection meds and cough syrup but it didn’t slow me down really. As we were home to drive to the hotel, Mom gave me my dose of cough syrup. Well, once we got to the hotel, she kinda forgot that she’d already given me cough syrup and Dad hadn’t been in the room so he didn’t know. So we get checked in and Mom gives me another dose of cough syrup and we head out to Disneyland. Half an hour in, I got very weird and very whiny about being tired and wanting to go back to the hotel and generally not wanting to do or eat anything suggested. Mom got mad and scolded me…and then it hit her. She’d given me 2 doses of cough syrup in just a couple of hours. They took me back to the hotel, where I immediately passed out and slept for almost the entire day. We had a great time next day but my poor Mom still feels so guilty about OD-ing me and then yelling at me. She said the Mommy Warning Bell had gone off in her head but she sort of dismissed figuring I was just being a little kid.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 28, 2010 at 10:29 pm
@Pademelon,
we did that a few years ago at Easter. we pushed the almost 2yo until she couldn’t stand it anymore, then we found out it was double ear infections. that’s why i’m nominated for mother of the year.
Oh yes…our family was asked to be in the parade at Animal Kingdom…not only were we in the parade but on Mickey’s float..how lucky were we. 2 minutes before the parade starts, my daughter gets that look and pukes all over the float…husband couldn’t get her over the side fast enough. The Disney handlers about died!! Needless to say we rode the parade with puke towels at our feet..fun times.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 31, 2010 at 10:34 pm
@Amy,
you pretty much win every nasty award i can think of.
Twitter: Al_Pal
January 30, 2010 at 7:07 am
OH EM EFF GEE.
Gnarly, girlfriend. ;p
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 31, 2010 at 10:34 pm
@Al_Pal,
totally.
I’ve got a good one. Took my 3 boys to Subway during a busy lunch hour(had a gift card to use). My oldest (5 at the time) asks to go sit in the van alone. I’m all “You are five, you can’t be in the van alone” meanwhile ignoring all bells in my head. I get to the cashier with a loooong line behind us waiting and he says “mom” in THAT voice. He proceeded to puke all over the floor and down the counter where they had no stack of napkins. Humiliating. Those poor people in line behind us with their lunches. Yuck. Kind of killed the appetite. Mom of the year is mine!
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 31, 2010 at 10:35 pm
@Kendra,
i bet no one ordered the tuna salad sammich after that.
Worse than puke.
We were at the Magic Kingdom for the very first time. My son was 6 and every time we’d get near the front of a line we were jumping out because he “had to go potty.”
Well, we got as far as INTO the haunted Mansion, you know, out of the elevator, but there was some problem with the ride and there was a crowd in this dark hallway.
I felt a tug on my sleeve and a little voice say “I have to go potty”
So I said, “We’re like, on the ride, can you hold it 10 minutes.”
He said no. I eyeballed an “emergency exit” because he was starting to cry and dance.
Then I smelled it.
My son shit himself in a wall to wall room packed with people.
Do you KNOW how far it is to the hotel to shower?
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 31, 2010 at 10:35 pm
@Jill,
holy.
shit.
My 12 year old daughters are green with envy that your family goes to DW a couple times a month. We did Disneyland last year about this time and oh my GAWD they are obsessed!
Time to go again me thinks.. (Far away up in BC Canada, not so easy!)
My kids have never embarrassed me with barfing in public. However years ago I worked with a mentally disabled woman (Down syndrome) and if she did not get her way she would PROJECTILE vomit. And that was just lovely in the local donut shop let me tell you, sigh.
I can do a lot of things but cleaning up vomit that does not involve me or my kids is way beyond my capabilities. But that day I did it, with a smile to let dear Kate know that trick was past it’s prime :)
Again, my daughters would LOVE to go to DW as often as your family does :) Lucky you!
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