One of my last memories of manually washing my dishes, ended up with me in an ER. No shit.
We lived in a quaint Gingerbread 1920′s Tudor style home. Quaint is the word used to describe something that seems fun at first, but upon further inspection, is just a pain in the ass. The hardwood floors were crickety, we had a mice problem, the boiler was like the one that Freddy Krueger lives in, and there was no dishwasher.
This day, I had 2 babies napping and it was time to do one of my wifely (giggle) duties (giggle, giggle)- washing the dishes- by hand. Like any good mom in the mid 90′s, I had Jerry Springer on the TV (back when he had entertaining train-wrecks, not the oh, now you’re just making this shit up train-wrecks.) I was in my own little world bouncing to “Go Jerry, Go Jerry, Go Jerry” chants when I noticed the dishwater was red.
I had swooshed the dishrag into a glass and it shattered, cutting deep into my right hand.
The ambulance siren woke the kids from their nap and my dad came to babysit because he was squeamish about me getting blood on the babies or something.
It took 2 hot Emergency Medical Technicians to bandage it up so I could split the butterflies and bleed through their handy work while I drove my 5- speed car to the Urgent Care to get 6 stitches.
Moral of the story- washing dishes may kill you.
So, we’ve pretty much had a dishwasher ever since- guilt is a beautifully powerful thing.
Tonight, I had no detergent for the dishwasher. It’s 2 degrees out. And the kids need clean bowls and spoons for cereal in the morning. I don’t want to almost die again from doing dishes!
I was in a quandary.
I did have liquid dish soap. What could it hurt?
Side note: I have doubted the realistic possibility of a washing machine overflowing with suds from using too much soap powder like Bobby did on The Brady Bunch where he saved the kitten and got his good suit dirty- since I was 7. I no longer doubt that.
And now, I have dish pan hands, I’m wondering if Jerry Springer is still on, and can’t get It’s a Sunshine Day out of my head… next time, the kids can just skip breakfast.
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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: Amy_Urquhart
January 26, 2010 at 8:32 am
That’s why god invented granola bars! Oatmeal minus the bowl.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:18 am
@Assertagirl, granola bars are reserved for the days when we oversleep and need to eat in the car on the way to school. There’s a limit to shortcuts in my house. My kids are major high maintenance.
I did the exact same thing to my hand the afternoon of my daughters 4th birthday party…some 30+ family members on the way to our house and me on the the way to the hospital. Oh, and btw, my dishwaher is broke now too…since before thanksgiving…
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:19 am
@Charlie Emery, it’s like we were separated at birth.
Twitter: seemamarun
January 26, 2010 at 9:32 am
Now I remember why I don’t wash dishes by hand. Although 2 hot emergency dudes might make it *totally* worth it. ;)
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:19 am
@audrey, I gotta say, it didn’t completely suck- except my dad was there, too.
Twitter: lpgill
January 26, 2010 at 9:40 am
I did the exact same thing once- used dish soap when out of detergent. Seriously? Dish soap in the dishwasher made perfect sense! Until my dishwasher spewed sudsy bubbles for the next 5 cycles. As a bonus though, my kitchen floor was cleaner than it had ever been or ever will be again.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:21 am
@Lauren, YES, come to think of it, my floor was clean- but only the 4 foot radius around the dishwasher. Which made it REALLY obvious how dirty the rest of the floor was. Boo.
Twitter: lotsOspermies
January 26, 2010 at 9:42 am
I never totally understood why regular dish soap makes the dishwasher so angry? You know those little tablets they sell now, part cascade – part Dawn? Well, why the hell doesn’t this do the same thing? Damn rocket Science….
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:22 am
@Pamela, I have no idea- it should have totally worked- I hate science.
I empathize with you completely. I’m one of those nuts that washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher and have cut myself on numerous occasions by sticking my hand, while holding a sponge, down inside a glass to wash it, only to have it break and cut me. I’ve been lucky so far and didn’t do the damage you did, but hopefully your story will cure me forever.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:25 am
@Solon, OMG- I fear people like you…cleaning dishes before putting them in the dishwasher is a travesty… granted, my dished COULD get cleaner, but WHY have a dishwasher? I often hear “this bowl is still dirty”… I guess you don’t have that problem.
OMG I did that to my grandmother’s dishwasher once–put some liquid dish detergent in. I *thought* I was being helpful. Heh.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:25 am
@Poppy Buxom, lesson learned- never be helpful… see the dishwasher is sending a wrong message.
Twitter: LovinStilettos
January 26, 2010 at 10:08 am
I’m with the first person who commented.GRANOLA BARS!! :) Or Go-Gurt – or whatever it’s called. It looks nasty as hell – yogurt in a tube!! My kids love that shit.
Screw washing dishes!
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:41 am
@Michelle, yes, they are gross, but my kids love them, too.
I did this with one of those Cascade gel packs. My old dishwasher didn’t like them at all. My repair guy told me to run an emply load with some vinegar in the bottom to get rid of the suds.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 10:40 am
@Jennifer, ah, good tip. Thanks!
BTDT!! LOLOLOL Both of them!!
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:51 pm
@Secret Agent Mama/Mishelle, for those asses out there (like me)… Mishi tells me that BTDT means “been there done that”- you’re way too cool for me, Mish.
Twitter: motherbumper
January 26, 2010 at 10:56 am
Now I’m scared to do my dishes (no dishwasher – *sob*). I’m printing this out and using it as an excuse: TOO DANGEROUS. Thank you!
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:50 pm
@katie, indeed- perfect excuse- it’s in writing- everything on the interwebz is TRUE!
Twitter: kidthingsnet
January 26, 2010 at 11:06 am
I just can’t stay inside all day, gotta get out get me some of those rays!, everybody’s smilin’, Sunshine day! Oh yes, I love me some Brady Bunch.
I still wash dishes by hand. Bastards.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:51 pm
@C @ Kid Things, my condolences- on the song being stuck in your head AND the dishes.
My kitchen floor needs mopping….maybe I will use liquid detergent in my dishwasher….just to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, lol
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm
@Denise, It sounds ideal, but it’s actually quite messy- I don’t recommend it- especially of you have a basement that you don’t want flooded.
I cut myself so damn much my husband won’t let me use knives anymore. I also come at people with knives…like I don’t realize I am holding a giant sharp object and I just start walking around and waving it. On more than one occassion, my husband has come up behind me and said “put DOWN the knife”. Same with glass, I’m always breaking it and cutting myself. And I am HORRIBLE at cleaning it up. Like I just don’t get that if I don’t clean it up correctly, someone else could get hurt. Come to think of it, it’s pretty amazing my child survives in the kitchen with me unscathed. So even if I didn’t have a dishwasher, I’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t trust me to do the dishes without killing myself or someone else.
And go-gurt…yesssss! One time I was in a similar situation and the tot had go-gurt, an apple and a hard boiled egg for breakfast. It was my proudest mom moment.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:54 pm
@Tina, I think I am afraid of you now… sharp objects and hard boiled eggs.
Twitter: thismamaworksit
January 26, 2010 at 12:20 pm
OMG that is freakin hilarious! I remember doing that with my parents dishwasher when I was wonder. When the bubbles started coming out I was so terrified because I had no odea how to stop it and they just kept pouring out. I finally just opened the dishwasher door and tried to clean it up. I thought my mom was going to kill me!
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:55 pm
@This Mama Works It!, I’m glad my husband wasn’t home when I did it… when he found out, he laughed at me… I hate when he has ammo against me to make fun of me (no one needs more of that!)
I don’t have a dishwasher. *sad puppy eyes* BUT since hubby is no longer working, he is now MY new dishwasher. That’s right no more dishes for me. I bring home the bacon and that’s just how this shit is gonna be. PERIOD
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:56 pm
@Tiffany, well, duh… if you have to touch a dish- that would be grounds for divorce.
That is too funny! For when we’re fresh out of dishwasher detergent, I have perfected just how much liquid stuff to put in it. It did take me a couple times of having bubbles on the floor, though. Try cleaning it up, and drying out carpet in the kitchen! It was there when we moved in.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 1:58 pm
@LaTonya, hmmm, so if I ever get really lazy again and don’t have detergent, use less. I will remember that. It’s really worth the risk- I hate doing dishes.
Twitter: alotofnothing
January 26, 2010 at 4:25 pm
TENA!
TENA!
TENA!
TENA!
Please don’t put regular dish soap in the dishwasher. Before you do things like that, you need to consult Ms. Twitter or Ms. Skype, k?
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 7:47 pm
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], I hang my head in shame… I’m sorry for not consulting you and the interweb gods… I’m still trying to catch on, ya know.
Holy shit — I wish you had consulted me first about liquid dishsoap in the dishwasher! My dad lived with me while he had beginning stages of Alzheimers but felt the need to do our dishes all the time. With liquid dishsoap. I’d come home to a scene from I Love Lucy pretty regularly. Coulda warned ya.
Twitter: tenakim
January 26, 2010 at 7:49 pm
@Andrea, OK, is it wrong that it’s kind of a cute scene with your dad and the sudzy dishwasher… much cuter than my step mom’s grandma (who also had Alzheimers) eating dog food.
hehehe this is alesson I learned when I was 11? and we had our first dishwasher at my parents house. totally made a mess like this and more. oops! I may have also broke the dishwasher eventually from my lack of “scraping”
Twitter: maryjors
January 27, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I totally loaded up the dishwasher in our 1st apartment with dish soap. WOW, that was scary! LOL
I do NOT wash dishes first. If the plates are full of gunk I might rinse them, but no sponges or rags are involved.
Twitter: erinjones
January 28, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I once had a little demon that I babysat offer to start the dishwasher for me. I *thought* he was being sweet, he acted all kinds of excited, telling me how his mom had showed him how to put the soap in and start it. I was 14, figured “aww, cute. less work for me. why not?” why not? Because the little turd knew exactly what he was doing, putting about a HALF A CUP of liquid dish soap in the dishwasher approximately an hour before his mom was due home.
I was feeling quite proud of myself, having gotten aforementioned demon and his brother quieted down with a movie. Just in time for mom to get home and see that I’d wrangled the crazy right out of her boys.
The younger brother got up and went into the kitchen for some water, and yelled “awesome!” while his brother snickered from his perch on the couch.
I walked in, not even kidding you, to a two-foot foam wall coming at me.
ARGH.
Sadly, their poor mother wasn’t even phased by the crazy. I had gotten most of it cleaned up by the time she got home, and she paid me extra for my troubles. Those boys are in their mid-twenties now, and she STILL looks tired!
I heard a little laundry detergent + a little salt works.
I had a fight with a corningware casserole in my sink and lost. It severed a nerve in my left pinky that hasn’t come back even after surgery. This despite the fact that we have a working dishwasher. The moral is that I clearly need a full-time housekeeper (and masseur and gardener and chauffeur …)
With thanks! Still a typical notable picture, this can be the reason why I return to your blog usually.
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