Procrastination

There is a rare art form that many people practice but not many people truly understand and have mastered. Everyone does it, whether they think they do or not. Some do it better than others, that is, they have mastered the art of procrastination. That’s right, it’s an art form. Sure, for some people it’s just a lousy way of getting things done but for other people such as myself it’s a way of life and a motivational tool that incorporates the ability to shirk responsibility with actually getting things done.

In fact, I procrastinated about writing this piece about procrastination. So if that’s not a statement, I don’t know what else is. Yet, here you are – reading it. So I must have gotten it done on time right? So here are six handy dandy tips for proper procrastination.

1. Always get the job done. If you procrastinate to the point of not getting the work done, then you aren’t a procrastinator. You are a lazy son of a bitch that deserves every punishment that comes with not getting the job done. Be it a write up, a chewing out by your boss or personal failure in missing a deadline.

2. Don’t half-ass the job. Don’t turn in some lazy article or analysis (I’m an analyst by trade, first comparison I reach for.) Know what needs to be done and how long it will take you to do it. Procrastination works best in eleven hour mode but only when you have twelve hours.

3. Overestimate due dates for maximum procrastination. Hell, I hope my boss isn’t reading this. If your boss asks you how long something will take, always give an estimate that gives you a good cushion of time. For instance, for something that should take a day – now it takes two days. A week? Two weeks. You get the gist of it. That will leave you plenty of time to screw around, or more importantly in my job – put out fires. When it comes to the journalism aspect of my life, it’s reversed. If I know I need to have something done by a certain date, I tell myself it has to be done immediately fully knowing that it won’t be. Somehow that motivates me to do it right when it needs to be done.

4. Look busy. For gods sake, if you are procrastinating to your hearts content don’t be sitting around at your desk with solitaire up on the screen. Are you a moron? Just so you know, video games and leveling up in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 are perfectly viable excuses for pushing off writing an article. Even four articles. They can wait until Sunday.

5. Know your personal limitations. Procrastinating is not just about time management. It’s also about knowing and staying in touch with your abilities as they relate to the work. This means that you damn well better know what needs to be done before you avoid doing it. If you have a report due or an article, do your research, then sit back and let time fly while you check Twitter on your Blackberry 30 thousand times a day. The last thing you want is to wait until the last minute then get caught unaware with some sort of quirk in the project. Remember, staying late is counterproductive to proper procrastinating.

6. Celebrate quietly. When you pull off a successful procrastination and complete the project on time, but with plenty of time gone by the wayside, don’t brag about it. Kind of like what I’m doing now. Don’t do this. Because eventually an editor or boss will read this and I’ll catch some heat. Which rounds it right back to tip number one – get the job done. Do that, and they won’t care if you procrastinated. If they find out.

When all is said and done, you will live a life that is devoid of stress and emotional turmoil caused by those pesky things regular people call deadlines. In that, procrastination is not just an art form, but a zen way of life. So sit back, relax and don’t worry – it’ll get done eventually. Just not right now. Maybe later.

Curtis Silver is a freelance journalist who can be found haunting the virtual halls of Wired.com on several of the blogs, most prominently GeekDad as well as one of the founders and occasional contributor at the ultra famous and hip Dad blog Every Other Thursday. You can follow him on Twitter @ cebsilver. Don’t procrastinate about that. Do it now.