About two weeks ago I had a baby. How about that?
Nate was born on a Tuesday evening and after 15 hours of labour and two hours of pushing, we were so happy to have him finally here.
The care we received at the hospital was absolutely incredible, but the thing that no one tells you about staying in the hospital, is that ironically, it is not a place where you can actually get any rest. And a new mom with a new baby is someone who needs to get her rest wherever and whenever she can get it. Nurses come in whenever a shift changes. The cafeteria people come in to drop off “food” and come back an hour later to pick up their trays. Someone comes in to change the garbage. Then someone else comes to pick up the soiled linens. It goes on and on and on.
By Thursday morning I’d had, by my calculations, about seven hours of sleep since I got up Monday morning. I thought the snot running down my face and the tears slipping down my cheeks would be obvious enough, but when my nurse came in after shift change to take our vitals and see how we were doing with the breastfeeding, she asked me if I was crying. I nodded yes. Duh.
“I’m just exhausted,” I told her.
Of course she understood. After all, she sees new exhausted moms every day she comes to work.
It wasn’t even like I was thinking about the act of crying…the tears just came without my having had to make the decision to cry. Nate slept through the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade that was playing on the tiny television in our room as I sobbed through my hospital breakfast of cardboard pancakes.
I did manage to get in a nap that afternoon, but by the wee hours of Friday morning, things had taken a turn for the more challenging again. Nate was crying his little head off, and I didn’t know how to make him feel better. His diaper was dry and the temperature in the room was okay. I could nurse him, but because it was so early in the breastfeeding game, there wasn’t a whole lot for him to take in at the time. And he was so upset I couldn’t get him to latch.
Our nurse heard the baby wailing and when she came in she took one look at me and said, “Why don’t I take the baby out to the nurse’s station for awhile so you can get some sleep?” It was more of a statement than a suggestion. I nodded in agreement. I hadn’t known that was even an option.
As she wheeled my precious newborn baby boy out of the room and away from me, his crazy crying mother, I officially lost my shit. I felt horrible. My baby was only a few days old and already I couldn’t take care of him. I tried to tell myself that this was for him, too, that if I could only get a few hours of consecutive sleep then I would be much better equipped to look after him. That’s right, I tried to be logical. How silly of me. I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up and Nate was returned to me, things seemed better. Those three hours of sleep I got that night were like a gift. We were discharged later in the morning and home that afternoon. Our house had never before seemed like such a restful retreat. I knew as soon as we got in the door that even when things got really bad in the middle of the night, at least I would have my own bed and couch and regular sized television to comfort me through the nights as I nursed and rocked our boy.
Not as effectively as a nurse who’ll whisk the baby away for a few hours, of course, but it will do.
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: Anne54304
December 14, 2009 at 8:07 am
I think they purposely torture you in the hospital so it’s not as bad once you get home. When I had my youngest we were in the for 3 nights and I got 4 hours of sleep the entire time.
Congrats!
Thanks for sharing your story. I remember when my wife and I were in the hospital (two times over) with our kids. With the first one, we didn’t want to put her in the nursery because we felt it was rude, sorta. With the second one, we were like, “hell yea, cart her away and give his a few hours to knock some sleep out before we head home.”
The comforting thing is that the kids don’t have a clue as to what’s going on. They are being taken care of, fed, changed, swaddled, etc.
This is the easy part I think. Wait until the kid starts asking for the car keys.
Twitter: KarenChatters
December 14, 2009 at 9:36 am
Congratulations on baby Nate!! That’s so exciting!
What I “loved” about the hospital… At 4am they would come and change the piece of paper hanging inside the door. 4am. And they’d knock. At 4am. Really? You have to do that at 4am? I thought I was going to go crazy. Hospitals are NOT restful!
Twitter: shaunaglenn
December 14, 2009 at 9:51 am
Aww, Amy. We’ve all been there. Nate is very lucky to have you as his mommy.
Plus, I could listen to you say labour all day. I love you Canadians.
Twitter: LovinStilettos
December 14, 2009 at 9:53 am
Congratulations!
With my daughter I went home in 2 days and I was READY. With my son I had a c-section and they made me stay FIVE days. It sucked. I wanted nothing more than to be HOME. At that point, I didn’t even care that the nurses would take him so I could sleep. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my own home.
Congratulations on your baby.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. I know I said Joy. Some days you are going to think. Joy my a**.
Home is the best. I had my youngest son(who is 20 now) in a birthing room. I was there for 12 hours and then glorious home. It was awesome.
Just hang in there. Crying is good sometimes. It clears the head and the heart.
I didn’t sleep with either of my babies at the hospital and by the time I got home it was so bad I couldn’t sleep. Like my body didn’t know what to do. Thankfully my mom was there. She gave me hot soup and pain meds (c-sections over here) and made me take a shower and put on clean jammies and then she tucked me into bed and (stole) took care of the baby. It was AWESOME!!!!!! But then, Moms are like that. And guess what, now you are one too.
Twitter: kidthingsnet
December 14, 2009 at 11:09 am
This is why, when I had my last 2 kids, we were out of the hospital after a little more than 24 hours of birth. The whole idea sounds nice, but it’s just not conducive to rest whatsoever.
Oh, I hear you about all of your interuptions. I had my baby 3 weeks ago at 931am. I left the hospital the next morning because I COULD NOT GET A MOMENTS REST! I got up at 530am had a shower, packed my bags and took my baby home. I agree that my home had never felt more restful, like a blissful retreat even with a three year old and my one year old neice running around!
Enjoy every moment with your new bundle!
I was put in recovery at 5:30 am and left that night at 8:30 – I would have left sooner, but I think they stalled on something with the baby to keep my longer. Even the lactician (bitch) came by shooting daggers at my husband because she thought I was being pressured to leave early.
We got home so late and I was exhausted, but didn’t care because I was home in my bed at my house.
One of the many reasons I had my babies at home. My midwives left both times within hours of the birth, and I was able to nurse and snooze unmolested until they came to check me the next day. And I had all the comforts of home, because I was. Home. Bliss!
Twitter: thecaffeinatrix
December 14, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Oh Ames…your post-birth experience sounds an awful lot like a combo of both of mine. Add some hormones to that noisy, sleepless mix and it’s a real tearjerker. But now you’re all home. YAY!!!!
I feel as though this is fairly normal. It sounds so great to have him there in your room, but, especially depending on the length of your labor, you are so exhausted before he’s even there. Due to complications I didn’t have a choice – he had to stay in the nursery the whole time I was in the hospital, but after being up for almost 30 hours before he was born, I dont know how I would have made it if he wasn’t. I still think I only got a few 3 or 4 hour naps after he was born, which considering the sleep-debt from the whole labor process, wasn’t enough – but it helped.
The nurses at my hospital were really good about not waking me up though.
aww I remember how bad it was in the hospital. With Blake and Nate i had csections. I was uncomfy. It took an act of congress to get the nurses to leave me alone to sleep. At home it is easier. Make hubby share the responsiblities and you guys will be ok.
when i had number 1, one of the nurses did exactly that. Took her off and let me sleep. I was sooooo grateful!
What other situation is there, where you spend an average of 12 hours labouring (usually in the middle of the night), and at the end of it – exhausted and totally spent – you can’t rest, but instead are on duty taking care of a new baby.
You NEED some rest in order to stay sane!
Twitter: alimartell
December 14, 2009 at 10:16 pm
this is the very reason why I left the hospital 7 hours after I gave birth!
Twitter: alotofnothing
December 14, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone getting rest in a hospital. It’s never quiet. EVER.
Your house never sounds so quiet as when you arrive home from the hospital.
Also, SO happy for you!!!!!!
Twitter: RandomBlogette
December 16, 2009 at 9:34 am
I was given the choice of having my daughter taken to the nursery at night or staying with me at night. I let them take her. I felt like the worst mom ever but I need my sleep. I had been induced for almost 3 days (no sleep)and finally ended up having an emergency c-section. Best bet is to let the nurses take the baby overnight. They won’t know any different!
I’m glad you are home and enjoying the peace :-) One of the biggest mistakes I made even after coming home was not resting. Everybody and their brother was there and I felt like I had to be host.
In retrospect I should have given one of them the baby and went to sleep for a few hours, because a few days later the sobbing uncontrollably on the couch with my husband wondering if it was safe to leave me alone would have never happened.
Yay sleep!
I always let them take the baby to the nursery b/c i needed the sleep. Because you are right, a hospital is one of the worst places to get good rest.
Congratulations on your new boy. By the third child, you will be begging them to let you stay in the hospital just one more day so you can get some sleep. By that time, banging food trays and visiting nurses will sound like lullabies. Hell, I fell asleep during a root canal. The endodontist said that had never happened before. I told him that when he put a mom of four in a reclining chair in a quiet room with good drugs for two hours, what did he expect. It was the best nap I had had in years.
Twitter: Amy_Urquhart
January 12, 2010 at 12:22 pm
@Susan @ 2KoP, that’s funny…I was just at the dentist yesterday for a cleaning and I told the hygienist that if she could just leave me in that reclining chair for awhile I’d totally have a nap there.
Twitter: mom2aroo
January 21, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Oh the things they dont prepare you for..
With my first (bad birth experience,etc) I was a slobbering mess that bawled until they released me. ONE nurse helped me, but they didnt even have a place to take babies away from moms, even if I had wanted it, which I didnt.
Boy #2- I was so cracked out it took me an hour to realize it was more than 5 minutes since I’d been wheeled into my room that they had kept my son in the nursery. We both had some complications so I let them take him to the nursery for sleep time,considering I had a 2 year old at home I was thankful for the sleep! But ugh, getting out of there was at the top of my list!!
Wow, I thought I was alone! I got about 4 hours of sleep in four days (labor + hospital stay). I was sobbing uncontrollably by the time I checked out of the hospital – and we drove straight to my psychiatrist’s office for medicine to help me sleep! My son was taken to the NICU when we checked out and stayed there for three days while they checked his heart/breathing/hydration levels (which were questionable at the time but turned out perfectly fine). Looking back now, it was a blessing in disguise. I felt so guilty leaving him at the hospital and going home to bed. (I’m leaving him with strangers!!!) And even more guilty that I wanted to be home in bed instead of with my newborn. But I really needed the rest between the labor/delivery/freakout and being a new Mom. That’s the thing about motherhood – you never have the feelings you are supposed to have when you’re supposed to have them!!!
Good luck with your little one. My guy is 16 months old and I am finally at a place where I am grateful for everything I went through to get him!
Yes, first stay in hospital with son was awful as my roomate always had 4 billion people visiting and when she didn’t she was watching TV with the sound BLARING. Son was in the special care nursery and frankly the nurses in there were bitches.
Second time around I got my own room and it was bliss! These people gave me menu plans!! I got lovely meals 3x a day and snacks! I didn’t have to clean anything but two little girls bums! Hubby would come and stay in the afternoons so I could nap. Stayed 5 nights. Going home was a huge adjustment with a 4 year old son and my anal (then) tendencies of making sure the house was in order. The hospital was a holiday! ;)
(Besides day 2 which completely exhausted and starving I was handed my babies which took about half hour to feed each at which time I burst into tears and freaked the heck out of the nurse :) Oh I cried!
Motherhood.. Kids are 17 and 12. Great kids :)
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