Why You Should Always Monitor the Books Your Kid Checks Out at the Library!
I can’t quite remember where we were going, but I remember that Davey was napping and the kids were having some reading time. I think we were going to co-op. Yeah, that’s it; we were going to co-op, but I digress.
The kids were all on the couches, reading, and I was upstairs getting ready. All of a sudden I heard someone running up the stairs. I peeked out of my bathroom and it was Mikey.
“Mama! This is the most disgusting book in the whole wide world!”
“What is it, Mikey?”
“I don’t know? Some book that BENNY took out from the library. It’s disgusting and you should take it back and tell them to never let anyone rent it again!”
“Mikey. It can’t be that bad. What’s the title?”
“My Mom’s Having a Baby and it’s disgusting. Come and see!” {puking sounds}
At this point I was a little worried about what I was going to find in this “My Mom’s Having a Baby” book. I followed Mikey to the living room.
“Mama,” Livey said, “Benny got this book out and it’s kinda gross. Here. Read it!”
Benny innocently said, “I just took it out because you had a baby and I thought I’d like it!”
I took the book and started flipping through the pages. The book was about a girl named Elizabeth and how you couldn’t tell by looking at her mom, but inside her was a little tiny baby growing. How her mom ate good food for the baby. How she took care of their health by going to a doctor every month. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Then one night Elizabeth wonders, “how did that baby get in Mom’s tummy?”
Enter gross. Enter disgusting. Enter Mishelle’s gonna have some explaining to do.
My face grew red hot. I closed the book carefully, went to the table, picked up my cell phone, said I’ll be right back, and went out the front door to call Michael.
“Dude. Our kids just found out how babies are made?”
“How?”
“A book!”
“A book?”
“Yes, a freakin’ book! Benny took out a book from the library called “My Mom’s Having a Baby” and IT. SHOWS. EVERYTHING.”
“Everything?”
“Yes, everything! Like, my mom and dad love each other so much that, at night, they cuddle and kiss, under the covers, naked, and then my dad’s penis goes into my mom’s vagina and a GOOEY liquid comes out and that’s how he knocks her up. Yes. Totally explicit. What do I do?”
“They told it like that?”
“Well, not exactly, but you know?! They even had hearts coming up from the mom and dad. THE DAD WAS ON TOP, YO! Seriously. They so know.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to go in there and tell them about it now.”
“I know, I know.”
I hung up with the guy who put his penis into my vagina on more than one night and trudged back into the house.
I sat down. And sighed, “Guys. I wanna talk to you about that book.”
“What book?” Mikey asked.
“The book you thought was disgusting. Look, that book talks about the way babies are made. I just want to talk to you about it to see if you have any questions. Because, that’s how a baby IS made.”
“REALLY?”
“Are you sure?”
“Mama, tell the truth!”
“No guys, really,” and I continued to tell them about the love mamas and papas have for each other, and the love they make, and the biology of it all, and the penis and the vagina, and how you have to be much, much, MUCH older to have [sex].
“Do you guys have any questions?”
Mikey and Livey shook their heads no.
Benny however looked at me, cocked his head to the side, and said, “Mama, are you really telling the truth? Is that how a baby gets inside of a mom?”
“Yes, Benny, it’s true! All true.”
“Ugh. Mama. Couldn’t you just lie to us? That’s just SO disgusting.”
This was originally posted at Secret Agent Mama on January 15th, 2009.
I have since had another–more in depth–talk with my children, all because of the movie “17 Again”. It just goes to show that not only should you* monitor the books your kids check out at the library, but you should also preview the movies they watch first, too. Or simply watch the movie with them. That way when questions come up you can answer them. So what if you are red faced and sweating a little? I mean, your daughter’s got underarm hair and your son is wearing deodorant and thinking girls are cute instead of gross and all cutie-ridden. They’re growing up, you old woman you!
*you = me but might also be YOU!
- Recovering Do-It-All Mommy
- Falling from Grace. Again.
- Things I learned from my mom
- Change for a dollar
- Not a bad mom... Just Aiming Low
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Comments
We are also quite familiar with that book. My daughter checked it out from the kids sections at our public library and we were just as floored as you when we saw what it entailed. When I returned it to the library I mentioned to the librarian that it certainly DID NOT belong on a shelf in the children’s section of the library!
Anne Y´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
@Anne Y,
I returned it and told our children’s section librarian about it. She was kinda appalled, too. Then we laughed.
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..“I’d like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly…”
Twitter: alimartell
oh my god.
my kids watched Look Who’s Talking recently. I still have nightmares about all their damn questions. MY GOD.
alimartell´s last blog ..I Believe Miss Shauna Glenn calls it Downer Wednesday. I apologize in advance
@alimartell,
It’s nucking futs, eh?
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
We’ve been having an issue with library books lately. At first my 4yo kept picking books about divorce. Then my husband told me last night’s story was about a coyote trying to eat a wolf and her 3 babies. The mom begged, can’t you just eat me and not the babies. The coyote replied, it won’t matter anyway since they’ll die without you. They finally tricked the coyote and went home and discussed how they had to be more careful in the future. Who writes these books for kids?!?!
JulieBouf´s last blog ..Thanks Aiming Low
@JulieBouf,
I wonder that thing, too!
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
Twitter: SillyJaime
Agreed.
My 5 year old nephew brought home a book last month that was about a little boy elephant that got spanked every time he asked a question, like he was being punished for being curious. That’s not the kind of message you send children!
Jaime´s last blog ..Google Wave
@Jaime,
What the eff? HORRIBLE!
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
Don’t you understand that lies are FOOD to a parent-child relationship??? It’ll die without them.
Anissa´s last blog ..If we’d had one more day there probably would’ve been a boar’s head on a stick somewhere
@Anissa,
Best. Answer. Ever.
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
Thank God, I will be done having kids by the time my kids are in school. I think Would serious die from a panic attack.
@Lesslie,
Yes, I know the panic attacks well!
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
I love that they asked if you were sure that this was how babies were made.
Jill´s last blog ..Sleep talking.
@Jill,
The look on his face was even better. LOL
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
OMG I would die. DIE! This is never going to come up with my kids, right? RIGHT?
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..Sakura Bloom Triathlon: Round Two
@Adventures In Babywearing,
Oh No, it’s gonna happen. I thought the time would never come and LOOK! Look what I’m dealing with.
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
I’m not sure you were really Aiming Low here. If you wanted to be really low, you could have told them the book was fiction. Or, better yet, don’t allow them to go to the library. Let them know the library is full of BAD THINGS and reading isn’t good for them. Not sure what that’s going to do for their education though.
Karen Chatters´s last blog ..H1N1 and Healthcare
@Karen Chatters,
The aiming low bit was when I just let them pick all willy-nilly, without a glance. The final outcome, though, was my alter ego totally aiming high!
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..On Old Pain
My son was certain the baby came out through the mother’s head. Like, she needed to cut her head off to get it out. Giggle… I’ve been honest about the process so far, but on an “as-asked” basis. I feel a new round of questions about to emerge though. Shudder! Balls.
Grumble Girl´s last blog ..Taming the Goddamned Dreaded Fitted Sheet
Sweating for no reason at all sucks.