The Battle Against the Bane of my Existence

A couple years ago, over the Christmas holiday, the silent invasion began.   One turned into two, two turned into four, four turned six, then nine, twelve, and so on, and so forth.   Sure the invasion was innocent enough, at first, but soon we were taken over by the sheer magnitude of their forces.     What invasion do I speak of?  The Webkinz invasion, of course; the bane of my very existence.

Oh, sure, they’re so cute and cuddly and sweet.  Oh, sure, they come to life when you enter the magic code online.  Oh, sure, they provide the kids with a computer world full of fun.   Whatever!  They are kiddie crack.  The have a way of making the kids crave more, and more, and more.  One’s not enough. Hell, twenty’s not even enough.   Now, no matter what room I enter I am accosted by these delightful yet menacing stuffed creatures.   Seriously, there are no less than fifty in our 1700 square foot house.

I reiterate:  The bane of my existence!

Let’s do some math:

$12.50 (the cost of these suckers) x 50 (I’m rounding here for math purposes) = $625.00

Oh My God in Heaven Above!  That’s SIX HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS that have been spent on stuffed animals.   Seriously?  Seriously.

And now there’s a new addiction:  The Signature Webkinz (read: the slightly bigger, golden tagged, more expensive version of the regular ones)

My daughter?  Totally addicted, by-the-way.  If she could have her way, every single cent she got would go to Webkinz (and Bakugan, but that’s an entirely different post.)

Recently my mother sent the kids Halloween cards with $20.00 in each.

“Mama, Mama, can we please use our money from Baba on Webkinz!” Benny pleaded.

“Yeah, Mama, can we?  There’s a new Signature Calico Cat that I realllllllllllly, reallllllllllly want,” Olivia chimed in.

“Ugh, I guess,” I moaned.

“I’m saving my money,” Mikey proudly stated while his siblings ran off squealing about the new additions they’d soon be acquiring.

A couple days later I piled the little fiends into my van and drove them to the nearest dealer.

“Excuse me, sir,” Olivia politely asked the store keeper as she approached the counter, “can you tell me if you have a Signature Calico Cat?”

“Oh, yes we do, but someone stole the tag from it.  I’m sorry,” he said as he pointed to the stuffed animal on the shelf, that was so close, yet so far away.

She was crushed.

Not Benny, though.  He totally found the ones he wanted.  Littlekinz.  Yeah, apparently they have babies, too.

For the next two days all I heard was whining and crying about a Calico Cat that was right there but some stupid person had to go and steal the tag, and why did they have to steal the tag just because she wanted it, and why-oh-why is she being punished for someone else being greedy and selfish.   For. two. whole. days.  The bane of my existence, I swear!

Then it dawned on me!

“Livey, you only have $20.00.  The Signature Webkinz are $30.00.  You don’t even have enough money for one.” I gloated.

“But, Mama, Mama, please!  Can you give me the $10.00 I need?” she begged.

“I don’t think so, Liv.  Times are tough.  We need that money to buy saltine crackers and ramen noodles.” I lamented.

“Stop it, Mama.  Please, I’lllllll dooooooo annnnnnnyyyyyythiiiiiiing,” she cried, as I paused and put my finger to my chin with my gears cranking in over-time.

Meet Hazel.  She’s not a Calico Cat, she’s a Cocker Spaniel, but she’s still a Signature Webkinz.   Hazel is now the queen of all the Webkinz at Casa Lane.  She’s really cute and she’s a good queen, not a bad queen, and all the other lowly Webkinz and Littlekinz love and abide by her.

The only reason she’s here is because of Olivia’s plea.  And child labor.

She’s here because:

–>My van’s getting detailed, inside and out.

–>The changing of the closets will be a lot easier with a helper.

–>All the beds will be fixed for the next month by a ten year old girl.

If I say, “Jump!”  Olivia’s gonna say, “How high?”

Because that’s how this Mama rolls, yo!

Mwahahhahahahhahahahahha!

I think maybe—just-maybe—I have found a way to win this battle!

Tagged as: parenting, toys, webkinz, whining