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Mon, Nov 16 2009 | Published in Playing House

It’s what’s for dinner

By: Tena  

tena2I have to admit, I know my way around a kitchen.

I didn’t just gain 40 lbs since high school eating California Chicken sandwiches and unlimited steak fries with extra seasoning from Red Robin- although that certainly could have had something to do with it- that shit gets expensive and I like food, so I had to figure out how to cook.

I used to cook a lot.

Then I got lazy and my kids got picky and it became the lesser of two evils just to make a frozen pizza. 

Now, I’m trying to… wait for it… eat right and budget- fuckity fuck, right?

So, last week at the grocery store, there was a good deal on a whole chicken.

This morning, I decided to make that chicken- still frozen, because thawing that chicken would have taken some thought and effort and pre-planning.

The frozen bag of gizzards was still inside.

Why? Why the gizzards?  Gnarly guts, testicles, intestines, belly buttons, taints- who knows what’s in that bag?    Fair warning- if you tell me you eat them or ‘use them in a soup’ or bury it under a tree for good luck next to your placenta, I haven’t had a carb in 8 days and cannot be held responsible for what I might do.

Now I bet you’re thinking I forgot to take the bag out and cooked it in, you would be wrong- I know better and made that mistake about 15 years ago- fool me once- fucking chicken!

If you’re keeping score that’s    Tena- 1     Chicken- 2

I spent the last hour wrestling that hunk of slippery salmonella to get that frozen bag of gnads out.  Seriously broke a sweat.   And a spoon.  And a couple of nails.

But who’s laughing now?  For the win!DSCN0395_054


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About Tena

You can find Tena from My Therapy in her journey to discovering what’s next. Recovering “do-it-all” mommy finally realizing that this thankless, breakneck, under paid job of stay at home mom may not be for her after all – just 11 years, 4 kids, loss of youth and firmness and many an identity crisis too late. I’ve served my time keeping up the image of doting soccer mom, chauffeur, room mother, cop’s trophy wife and have come to the realization that perfection is tiring. My kids are all toilet trained, fed, and semi-literate, essentially, my job here is done. I now spend my time watching reality TV and trying to compose a theory for how long it is acceptable in society to go without a shower.
View all articles by Tena
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