To The Max(i)

Way back in the early Nineties, I lived with a group of friends in a duplex house that we called “The House of Skate” because most of the occupants were hard core skateboarders. It was a mix of ladies and gentlemen living in this duplex that sported a total of five bedrooms, but had only two (really groddy) bathrooms.

Four girls and six guys needed more bathroom space than these two had to offer.

Since both sides of the duplex were mixed gender, both bathrooms sported a large supply of *ahem* feminine products. Tampons galore, maxis, minis, lightdays, you name it, there was a box of it on every shelf.

Living with so many unrelated people, regardless of gender, can breed unspoken suspicions when things start disappearing. So when the maxi pads in both bathrooms started disappearing at a lightening speed rate, accusations began to rumble around the homestead.

My roomie and I were convinced that one of the least popular girl (among the ladies) was the source of this “theft”. It was a hard call since we had all synced-up* and were using the supplies at the same time.
* for any readers who haven’t lived with pre-menopausal females en masse, the visit from Aunt Flo tends to get syncronized rather quickly. It’s always fun to figure out who is the true alpha-female in the group and who has the most pull with the lunar calendar. TMI? Too bad, consider that your biology lesson for the day.

That unpopular girl was the primary target because she was a tight-wad when it came to everything. She had been caught on more than one occasion begging for smokes when she was down to her last deck and then she would not share when the favour was asked in return. She never contributed to the McD’s run yet always ordered and ate. You get the picture. She was not a loyal friend and couldn’t be trusted at all – but that is a whole other bag of kittens and stories that are not for this post.

Anyhoooo… as with all rumbles of rumour, the whispers came to a head and a confrontation mature discussion was required. We ganged up on asked her if she had been pilfering the mattresses pads and let’s just say she was uber-offended and ran off to cry to her boyfriend.

As the fates would have it we, the accusers, were soon to eat crow to the max.

It was a Sunday when the “discussion” with accused girl happened and that was the day favoured by the skaters for getting together and hitting the streets.

Near dark, the younger crew would head back to our house to relax and discuss the accomplishments and accidents of the day.

That particular Sunday, we (the accusers) were sitting around the living room, post confrontation, when the boys tumbled in, dropping their decks, stripping their elbow and knee protection, and stinky runners everywhere.

That’s when we saw it.

We all noticed it pretty much at the same time.

There, in the pile of crap the boys had just dumped on the floor was the missing stash.

The boys had been lining their knee pads with our maxi pads.

Apparently, they are really good at soaking up the sweat.

After that we bought the guys their own stash (we did the shopping, they did the paying) and all was well.

I don’t think anyone formally apologized to that girl – pride is a bitch.

Oh yes, we also discovered that the tampons were being used as firecracker mufflers.

I never said anyone living in that house was particularly mature.

This post originally appeared on motherbumper August 2007.