You know, I may aim low in many parts of my life—okay, pretty much ALL of them—but one thing I aim NOT to do is take shortcuts that hurt other people. Or make their heads feel explode-y. I also aim to use less hyphens. And caps. And maybe ellipses, too.

Anyway, it would appear that despite MY personal values and convictions regarding others, SOME people do not feel the same. No. THEY think it’s perfectly fine to jump ahead of others to get where they want to go. Literally.

In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m talking about the, the…THE TRAVESTY that is the school car line. That’s right—the CAR LINE. If you have kids and aren’t lucky enough to have the walking option, you KNOW the car line.

But I’m guessing YOUR car line is less sucky than MY car line.

I need you fine people to be my Judge Judy for a moment and tell me..AM I RIGHT? Or am I, though highly unlikely, WRONG? (You know there’s only one correct answer to this, don’t you?)

Okay, here’s my bitch about car line… The car line goes from west to east into the circular drive and out the east exit. Simple enough, right?

BUT! Everyday you get these random assholes who think it’s okay to come from the east and make a left turn into the school and cut a zillion people. To be able to do this depends on putting extreme pressure on the person who is ABOUT to turn into the circular drive. And by pressure I mean that cars are piling up behind the ASSHOLE while they wait for some soft-headed MORON to allow them to GET IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE.

So of course, that MORON (this person is highly interchangeable) usually caves after about 15 seconds and lets the ASSHOLE (also  highly interchangeable) in front of them, even though there are more than twenty cars coming from the west that got there early and have been waiting, in some cases, 15+ minutes (which? is a long time to just be SITTING in your car)

VISUAL AID!

*I* have to get there early because I have another child with the SAME release time at another school. I don’t have TIME to eff around and let, like, ten of those ASSHOLES just mosey on up right as the line starts moving and get in front of me. And I hate anyone ELSE who lets them do it. And it makes my head want to explode. Because it’s wrong. And I literally have to talk myself down EVERY DAMN DAY.

So I say something about it to the guy who works the car line and he just shrugs and says “Oh well..what are ya gonna do?” He’s a a total weenie, Actually, no, he’s a wussy. Except with a P instead of a W.

So another day, while the Asst Principal is explaining some new car line rules, I mention that SOMEONE is going to beat someone else’s head in over this cutting nonsense (that someone being ME) and that while they’re making more (stupid) rules, they ought to add one that says you can only enter the car line from the west.

I get a patronizing nod of sympathy from her and then she goes on to explain that the car line works just like anywhere else in the world and we all need to alternate west, east, west, east for turning into the circular drive..

EXCEPT? THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS IN THE REAL WORLD, HONEY!

Trying to make a left turn in the face of oncoming cars means YOU WAIT until it’s clear because you DON’T have the right of way. This is a fact.

But I didn’t waste my time trying to edumacate an assistant principal because, you know, she’s an ASST PRINCIPAL and she KNOWS STUFF. Even if it’s wrong stuff.

But I did tell her if she wants traffic to alternate like that, she’s going to have to have someone out there facilitating that like they do at my other child’s school—where SMART people work. Okay, I didn’t really say that last part. But I was totally thinking it.

So, please study the visual aid I painstakingly created for you and tell me..WHO IS RIGHT? Me or the ASSHOLE(S)?