WARNING: The following post is just like “Shit My Dad Says” but a little grosser and originates from the other end of the age spectrum.
“Just let her have a lick!”
This was exclaimed after one kid wasn’t letting the other kid taste her lollipop. Why anyone would let someone else lick their lollipop is beyond me. I guess at 5 & 3, it’s not really gross to offer lollipop tastes. That’s more of a Life Lesson learned rule.
“Can you PLEASE just get some panties on?“
After my husband caught my girls on video jumping naked into a massive pile of (clean) laundry, I had to plead with my 3yo to finally put on some panties. I don’t want to be those parents who get arrested for child porn with one of my kids’ naked butts as she jumps around the living room. That would totally ruin my week.
“She’s licking her butt.”
My dog licks her own ass. It’s some kind of a special talent dogs have. Not that I’d want to be hampered with the necessity to have to lick my own butt, but I’d like the ability to reach my head around that far. I bet some Yogis can totally do it.
I digress.
I had to get the dog’s attention to quit her fun-time butt licking, and when asked by my 5yo why I yelled at the dog, I told her, “She’s licking her butt.” To a 5yo and 3yo, this was something to be repeated over and over and over until I was afraid the internet could hear them.
“I’m licking my butt! It’s OK, Mama. It’s only pretend.”
After being told repeatedly to stop repeating what I told them about the dog, the girls started laughing to each other that they were licking their own butts. Thank GOD, it was only pretend, or I’d have had to hunt down the Yogi who’d taught them that skill.
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(Hello, Google! You’re gonna have a FIELD DAY with this post.)
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- Change for a dollar
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I have so completely said the “panties” thing to my kiddo before, too. Also, the lollipop thing. :-)
I have to admit, the “butt licking” pretty funny. But, that’s because they aren’t my kids :-)
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:29 pm
@rachel-asouthernfairytale,
my kids bring the funny.
Twitter: shaunaglenn
October 12, 2009 at 9:59 am
At least they weren’t licking the dog’s butt, yes?
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:30 pm
@Shauna,
leave it to you to focus on the positive.
Twitter: thecaffeinatrix
October 12, 2009 at 10:17 am
We have naked kid shenanigans going on here all the time. My youngest just doesn’t like pants. Period. So…I find myself saying “Where are your underwear?”about 400 times a week.
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:31 pm
@IzzyMom,
when my oldest was about 2, i caught her sitting by the window naked ‘exploring’ her lady bits. i just hope no one walked by.
Twitter: tenakim
October 12, 2009 at 10:29 am
You’re not fooling me- I know you’re proud!
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:31 pm
@tena,
totally proud.
Twitter: laughmom
October 12, 2009 at 10:34 am
Huh, I just googled “girl panties licks dog’s butt” and ended up here. Not exactly what I was looking for. But close.
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:31 pm
@Audrey,
welcome! please come again.
Look, I totally offered you a lick of my lollipop and you totally took me up on it. You ain’t fooling anyone!
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:32 pm
@Secret Agent Mama,
shhhh… don’t tell my secrets.
Twitter: mommaruthsays
October 12, 2009 at 11:47 am
I love your family of butt-lickers!!
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:35 pm
@mommaruthsays,
you’re welcome to come over any time.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:35 pm
@Allison,
heeeeeeeheeeeeeeee
Come off it, I don’t believe a word.
These are not things you said to the kids, they are things your husband said to you.
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:36 pm
@Xbox4NappyRash,
you know from experience?
Twitter: MommaIncredible
October 12, 2009 at 4:19 pm
OH MY GOSH! Loooooooooove.
By the way, you’re looking very pretty this week, and this is my favorite post ever written in the history of the internet…so do I get to be your favorite person again THIS week? ;)
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:38 pm
@Heather,
ok, you win again.
Twitter: alimartell
October 12, 2009 at 9:01 pm
pretty much every single thing to come out of my mouth is one of those “did I really just say that? really?” type deals.
and I won’t tell you how many times a day I need to ask ISabella to put some pants on…
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 12, 2009 at 9:38 pm
@alimartell,
my kids apparently take after Brittany.
Little sweetT was wearing a spiderman mask, cowboy boots, and underwear while I was out playing soccer. Also, the littlest sweetT was trying to eat the comics page of the newspaper.
Twitter: mommabird2345
October 13, 2009 at 10:29 am
Seriously, all the parents reading this are like “Yup, been there, done that”. I think we all have said some crazy stuff to our kids. That’s why its so funny, ‘cuz its true.
Twitter: Al_Pal
October 14, 2009 at 12:30 am
*snort*
Fun times. ;p
OMG. THAT is hilarious. The closest thing I’ve had to yell to
my kids was to “NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN ANY OF YOUR HOLES!”
(we’d had a week of someone shoving dried beans, dice, and
a marble in his nose and some other miniature toy into his
ear! And since 4 year olds can’t usually even SAY orifice
much less define it, I went with HOLES. I LOVE your blog.
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