WARNING: The following post is just like “Shit My Dad Says” but a little grosser and originates from the other end of the age spectrum.

“Just let her have a lick!”
This was exclaimed after one kid wasn’t letting the other kid taste her lollipop. Why anyone would let someone else lick their lollipop is beyond me. I guess at 5 & 3, it’s not really gross to offer lollipop tastes. That’s more of a Life Lesson learned rule.

“Can you PLEASE just get some panties on?“
After my husband caught my girls on video jumping naked into a massive pile of (clean) laundry, I had to plead with my 3yo to finally put on some panties. I don’t want to be those parents who get arrested for child porn with one of my kids’ naked butts as she jumps around the living room. That would totally ruin my week.

“She’s licking her butt.”
My dog licks her own ass. It’s some kind of a special talent dogs have. Not that I’d want to be hampered with the necessity to have to lick my own butt, but I’d like the ability to reach my head around that far. I bet some Yogis can totally do it.
I digress.
I had to get the dog’s attention to quit her fun-time butt licking, and when asked by my 5yo why I yelled at the dog, I told her, “She’s licking her butt.” To a 5yo and 3yo, this was something to be repeated over and over and over until I was afraid the internet could hear them.

“I’m licking my butt! It’s OK, Mama. It’s only pretend.”
After being told repeatedly to stop repeating what I told them about the dog, the girls started laughing to each other that they were licking their own butts. Thank GOD, it was only pretend, or I’d have had to hunt down the Yogi who’d taught them that skill.

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(Hello, Google! You’re gonna have a FIELD DAY with this post.)