Things I never expected to have to say before I had kids.
WARNING: The following post is just like “Shit My Dad Says” but a little grosser and originates from the other end of the age spectrum.
“Just let her have a lick!”
This was exclaimed after one kid wasn’t letting the other kid taste her lollipop. Why anyone would let someone else lick their lollipop is beyond me. I guess at 5 & 3, it’s not really gross to offer lollipop tastes. That’s more of a Life Lesson learned rule.
“Can you PLEASE just get some panties on?“
After my husband caught my girls on video jumping naked into a massive pile of (clean) laundry, I had to plead with my 3yo to finally put on some panties. I don’t want to be those parents who get arrested for child porn with one of my kids’ naked butts as she jumps around the living room. That would totally ruin my week.
“She’s licking her butt.”
My dog licks her own ass. It’s some kind of a special talent dogs have. Not that I’d want to be hampered with the necessity to have to lick my own butt, but I’d like the ability to reach my head around that far. I bet some Yogis can totally do it.
I digress.
I had to get the dog’s attention to quit her fun-time butt licking, and when asked by my 5yo why I yelled at the dog, I told her, “She’s licking her butt.” To a 5yo and 3yo, this was something to be repeated over and over and over until I was afraid the internet could hear them.
“I’m licking my butt! It’s OK, Mama. It’s only pretend.”
After being told repeatedly to stop repeating what I told them about the dog, the girls started laughing to each other that they were licking their own butts. Thank GOD, it was only pretend, or I’d have had to hunt down the Yogi who’d taught them that skill.
********************************
(Hello, Google! You’re gonna have a FIELD DAY with this post.)
- My Son, the Dog
- Prophecy
- Snarkasm Generation Two
- Why Kendall might be sorry I work at her middle school...
- Change for a dollar




Comments
bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I have so completely said the “panties” thing to my kiddo before, too. Also, the lollipop thing. :-)
I have to admit, the “butt licking” pretty funny. But, that’s because they aren’t my kids :-)
rachel-asouthernfairytale´s last blog ..How One Race Opened My Eyes
Twitter: alotofnothing
@rachel-asouthernfairytale,
my kids bring the funny.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
At least they weren’t licking the dog’s butt, yes?
Shauna´s last blog ..Where DO pay phones go to die?
Twitter: alotofnothing
@Shauna,
leave it to you to focus on the positive.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
Twitter: thecaffeinatrix
We have naked kid shenanigans going on here all the time. My youngest just doesn’t like pants. Period. So…I find myself saying “Where are your underwear?”about 400 times a week.
Twitter: alotofnothing
@IzzyMom,
when my oldest was about 2, i caught her sitting by the window naked ‘exploring’ her lady bits. i just hope no one walked by.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
You’re not fooling me- I know you’re proud!
tena´s last blog ..Tena doesn’t live here anymore
Twitter: alotofnothing
@tena,
totally proud.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
Huh, I just googled “girl panties licks dog’s butt” and ended up here. Not exactly what I was looking for. But close.
Audrey´s last blog ..Aiming Low
Twitter: alotofnothing
@Audrey,
welcome! please come again.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
Look, I totally offered you a lick of my lollipop and you totally took me up on it. You ain’t fooling anyone!
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..Moms Rock Birmingham
Twitter: alotofnothing
@Secret Agent Mama,
shhhh… don’t tell my secrets.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
I love your family of butt-lickers!!
mommaruthsays´s last blog ..iHeart Faces – Week #40
Twitter: alotofnothing
@mommaruthsays,
you’re welcome to come over any time.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Allison´s last blog ..Our Menu – October 4-10
Twitter: alotofnothing
@Allison,
heeeeeeeheeeeeeeee
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
Come off it, I don’t believe a word.
These are not things you said to the kids, they are things your husband said to you.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Bubbles & the superhero
Twitter: alotofnothing
@Xbox4NappyRash,
you know from experience?
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
OH MY GOSH! Loooooooooove.
By the way, you’re looking very pretty this week, and this is my favorite post ever written in the history of the internet…so do I get to be your favorite person again THIS week? ;)
Heather´s last blog ..An Open Apology to the Television
Twitter: alotofnothing
@Heather,
ok, you win again.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
Twitter: alimartell
pretty much every single thing to come out of my mouth is one of those “did I really just say that? really?” type deals.
and I won’t tell you how many times a day I need to ask ISabella to put some pants on…
alimartell´s last blog ..why I should never be left alone to my own devices; a play in two parts.
Twitter: alotofnothing
@alimartell,
my kids apparently take after Brittany.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..My kids have caught the Aiming Low bug
Little sweetT was wearing a spiderman mask, cowboy boots, and underwear while I was out playing soccer. Also, the littlest sweetT was trying to eat the comics page of the newspaper.
Sweet__T´s last blog ..Black and Blue
Twitter: mommabird2345
Seriously, all the parents reading this are like “Yup, been there, done that”. I think we all have said some crazy stuff to our kids. That’s why its so funny, ‘cuz its true.
*snort*
Fun times. ;p
OMG. THAT is hilarious. The closest thing I’ve had to yell to
my kids was to “NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN ANY OF YOUR HOLES!”
(we’d had a week of someone shoving dried beans, dice, and
a marble in his nose and some other miniature toy into his
ear! And since 4 year olds can’t usually even SAY orifice
much less define it, I went with HOLES. I LOVE your blog.
Nikki´s last blog ..Today I’m 29 Years Old….for the 12th Time
3 Trackbacks
[...] Google will now send the icky people to Aiming Low and not [...]
[...] Google will now send the icky people to Aiming Low and not [...]
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Angie. Angie said: Do your kids sounds worse than mine? I think not: http://bit.ly/inz0u #aiminglow [...]