So I don’t have to hang out at gay bars…

There’s a euphoric place I go to escape my boring hetero reality of football on the television and men’s dirty socks lying on the floor.  A place where men can get away with skinny jeans, have a fabulous fashion sense and rainbow flags proudly wave.

Bravo TV.

Bravo is God’s gift to straight women that can’t find a gay husband.

They talk in cliche, gossip, and make fun of  people behind their back.

They are my people. 

My husband worried that I would turn into a lesbian when I watched The L Word.  If I could become a gay man, he’d have something to worry about.  I am a gay man stuck in a woman’s body.  Bravo is my reprieve. Then I go to bed with a man, snoring like a bear, that wears acid wash jeans still with matching jean jackets and insists that the U-Men craze was a good look for him and still mourns the closing of The Chess King.  My husband thinks Ashton Kutcher’s name is Justin Pinchow and that “he’s on some show about the 80′s.”

I need Bravo TV.  I need the culture.  I need the sharp wit.  I need to have lunch with them once in a while, but since I guess that’s not happening, I need Andy Cohen to keep creating deliciously sensational shows for other women that are married to the equivalent of Homer Simpson.

(I bet all the KY jelly in the world that HE knows who Ashton Kutcher is!)

They love show tunes.

They have OCD and love things being clean!

I’m not gonna lie, I still feel like a woman scorned over Project Runway going to its lesbian lover, Lifetime.  Who knew they were bi-curious?  Each to their own.

Tagged as: andy cohen, gay, gay/lesbian, Project Runway