I love to eat me some McDonald’s. Sorry, but it’s true. I could (and often do) eat there about three times a week. Especially when pregnant. Delicious. Ba-da ba-ba-baaaaah, I’m lovin’ it.
I’m semi-embarrassed to admit that our local McDonald’s offers me a 10% discount whenever I order, only because I’m such a familiar face. I’ve seen students with cards for this purpose, but I’ve never been given one. They just make the adjustment when I’m at the cash. Even while being served by a newbie, another, more senior staff member will see me at the register, and slide in behind the said newbie, do some kind of magic trick on the machine, and voila! my total is deducted by a tithe amount. I love McDonald’s.
What I do not love is the problem many of the cashiers seem to have with actually listening to my order. I’m not asking for anything fancy or complicated – this is McDonald’s after all. With the exception of being at the register with a seasoned “friend” employee who knows my order before I approach the counter, the exchange invariably goes like this:
“BonjourhellowelcometoMcDonald’scanItakeyourorderplease?”
I clear my throat and smile. “Yes, I’d like a six-piece chicken nugget combo with barbeque sauce and a coke, and a double cheeseburger sandwich, just the sandwich, to go, please.” My order is almost always the same. I always say it in the exact same way. I assure you I do not stutter or stammer, and my tone is friendly and even, and completely audible, even in a busy lunchtime lineup.
“What kind of sauce for the nuggets?”
“Barbecue, please.”
“And your drink today?”
“A coke, please.”
“Diet Coke?”
Fuck, no I think to myself… This is offensive because I really hate Diet Coke. Really. Really, really.
I say, “No, just regular coke.”
“And is that to stay or to go?”
Seriously? Are you listening at all? “To go, please.”
Every time. Every. Single. Time.
It only takes a few minutes (not even enough time to be annoyed by the cashier) before I’m handed my steaming bagful of yum-yums. I dig into the fries and offer a few to the baby, but the nuggets need to cool down a bit before I hand her one for the stroller ride home.
Sometimes the nice McDonald’s ladies give my baby a teeny-tiny ice cream cone for free, (for being so terribly cute, as she is) which is lovely of them to do, but exactly what I DON’T need to give her before lunch. Besides which, Ava Scarlett will only make a sticky sweet disaster of the pram and herself, and I am almost never in the mood to deal with that kind of mess. I’ll offer her a taste or two, and then eat the rest myself. I will not have problems finishing my lunch by having dessert first. She will eat two nuggets and a few fries, and I will devour the rest. I will also walk off every calorie before the end of the day because I do not drive, and I need to get stuff done around town on foot. Win-win.
I don’t give a damn about calories anyway. Deliciously wonderful, fattening, bad-for-you, so-tasty-it’s-gross McDonald’s. I think all those wonderful preservatives are doing amazing Botox-like things for my face, too. I highly recommend having lunch there soon. You deserve a break today. I know I do did.
Mmmm…botox. Thank you to Tracey, for this calorie ridden piece of awesome! You can find Tracey at her fabulous blog, Grumble Girl, and on twitter!
I haven’t been to a McDonald’s in ages, but I know this shit happens at every establishment you go to. It’s as if there is a script to do the job and they are docked pay if they don’t hit certain parts of the speech. And I do know that this is a condition from years of trauma doled out crap customers. I get it. But if one more person walks me through the ATM process as I check out, I will lose it. Seriously – do you see the fading black magnetic stripe? I know how the work that card hard. No instructions necessary.
Twitter Name: hotmess75
@Another Hot Mess, I KNOW! Like it’s your first time in McDonalds or something. Like it’s your first time using your CARD or something. Please. So annoyed.
You get a discount at McDonald’s???? I’m so jealous. McDonald’s fries. Mmmmmmm. And yes, coke is the only way to go.
Twitter Name: LaurinEvans
@Laurin (@LaurinEvans), It’s nuts how they like me for no reason… but sometime, we’ll have lunch in my neck of the woods, and I’ll spring for McLunch. I’m all generous like that, you know.
I hate when I say “coke” and they ask “diet coke?” No, motherfucker. Worse still is when I say “coke” and they just GIVE ME DIET COKE INSTEAD.
@Royal Jewels, I like to do the taste-test right at the counter, so if I’ve got diet my mistake, I can accidentally spit it out my nose onto the counter. I only do this at the “forgeign” McDonald’s outlets mind you, lest I shold gross anyone out and lose my discount for uncoolness. Diet coke is fucking terrible.
Touche! I love love love me some Mickey D’s – I’ve been going there since I was a kid (back when they had the best pizza!) and I’ll keep going there until I’m old and gray.
Twitter Name: mommaruthsays
@mommaruthsays, Oh, me too! We’ve all gotta die of something, so I fugure I might as well be greasy and happy. Yum!! Thanks for reading, lady.
Hilarious!!!!
@sarah, Thanks, lady!
You are so funny…love this. And now I’m craving fries and a chocolate shake….dammit!
Twitter Name: claritychaos
@Boy Crazy, GO GET SOME!! Why, oh WHY are you waiting, my darling?! Mmmmm… chocolate shake…
Finally someone else is admitting to their McDonald’s addiction. I adore that place. Yes, I saw Super Size Me, I even own it. Turned me off for a few months, but then I was back on the wagon. And yes, when I am preggo, fuggedaboudit.
I go for the 2 cheeseburger meal, but I don’t like the pickle or onion. Usually before I can get that request out they are asking what kind of drink I want. Not a huge deal. And it’s like a game. Can I manage to get out the phrase “2 cheeseburger meal no pickle no onion” without being interrupted?
And I love me some fricken Diet Coke. Often, I get regular instead. So, it goes both ways LOL.
Twitter Name: verybloggybeth
@Beth in SF, Yes, Morgan’s movie made me feel a bit sick for a week or so… and then ever so slowly… I found myself back in McHeart-Attack Land. It’s just that yummy. In a gross kind of way, but still good. No pickles? I have a friend who orders EXTRA pickles all the time, and I wonder how she can eat a burger without pulling her face into a sour grimace all the time. I like to save my grimace-faces for kissing the children.
This happens to me every time I’m in McD’s as well, which is often. I would love to get a discount or free ice cream, tho’. Maybe I need to switch locations??
@Jodi, YES! Come to Montreal, babe. And bring a baby with you – that seems to be a key to the discount. They wanna try and trap the next generation as early as possible. Oy.
You wanna know another McD’s secret. And this is a BIG one. You can ask them to re-fry your fries so they are super crispy. You say “Can you please Double fry my ?” And they do. And they are doubly delicious. And that is my PSA today. For I, too, might have a small addiction…for the sake of my poor, starving children of course!
Twitter Name: mommahopeful
@Heather, Ooooooh! Really?! I’ve never even though of such a thing! But do they come out all molten-pig-iron hot?! The baby would pitch a fit if she couldn’t eat her fries until we got all the way home, due to hotness. Maybe I’ll ask when I’m alone sometime… thanks for the tip!!
A girl after my own heart. We usually have it for dinner once a week and breakfast once a week on our dance nights and speech class mornings.
I usually order the exact same thing – but have sometimes ordered the burger to go just because I’m so embarrassed that I plan to eat it all myself.
I have the same ordering problem with my pizza place. I call every time and say I have an order for delivery. Make my order and them am ALWAYS asked – is that for pickup or delivery?
@JulieBouf, Oh honey! Don’t even get me started about pizza… my sister and I ordered SO many from a local place once, they sent us a free set of beer mugs AND a pair of (fake) pearl earrings. I should write a post about that. Kinda embarrassing. And kinda rad too.
And now I want pizza…
My McD’s addiction? BREAKFAST!! Nothing makes my morning happier than a sausage, egg and cheese McMuffin. There. I said it.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
@Anissa Mayhew, Um… YUM! I take mine without the egg, but soooo scrumptious- and three hashbrowns. Always three. Yes. Oh god, that’s freaking delish.
I haven’t eaten at McDonald’s since watching that God-damned Supersize Me documentary. Scared me, but good!
However, I do have a craving now. Fries, tomorrow, it’s on!
@Secret Agent Mama, I know – it was an EXCELLENT documentary, and I loved him for making the film. And yet. The pull… it’s just… so… strong. I just can’t live without it. Not yet. (Okay, maybe not ever.) Ruined, am I.
I loveeee me some McDonalds!! My husband goes there for 1. CHEAP 2. Monopoly. I go there because I have the pallet of a child… I love Spaghetti O’s too. I’m not proud! I get #1 with a large sweet tea, light ice (almost always) unless we are being “cheap” then it’s 2 double cheeseburgers and a large sweet tea, light ice. LOL
Twitter Name: maryjors
@Mary Jo, Yes, cheap is often the reigning reason, as well as accessibility. I mean, IT’S RIGHT THERE! And it smells so divine… and I can have something I know I will absolutely love for less than $6, and I won’t even need to reapply vaseline to my lips for the rest of the day. It’s all just so… HANDY!!
What is with giving the icecream with the meal? That absolutely makes no sense on every level, yet they do that at so many fast food places. And then you don’t know if you PAY for the icecream with the other food and go pick it up later if they will remember you already paid or if you should get back into line and pay after the meal. Really, it should all be standardized.
Twitter Name: Texasholly
Mmmm. McDonald’s french fries. And my favorite thing on Mickey D’s menu? The Filet O Fish. Oh yeah. You heard me.
I love me some square fish sandwich with extra tartar sauce.
Twitter Name: shaunaglenn
That sounds really gross! McDonalds? Really?! And giving McDonalds to your kids several times a week is pretty lazy and messed up – you have heard how bad it is for you? Our health care system would be much better if fewer people ate like you and your family. DUDE! PLEASE stop eating that crap. PLEEEEEEZZZZZ.
Large caramel ice coffee. Its so perfect in the morning. So Perfect. My sister did a national history day project on fast food, which left me unable to each anything there except diet coke, coffee, and french fries of course. Which I guess is better for me. But I used to love those chicken nuggets.
Twitter Name: 1111111111