I Should Write a Health and Beauty Column
There will be no pictures in this post. After you have read it, that may be disappointing. I am trying to hold onto the slightest bit of dignity that I can.
I have had a recurring pimple for the last six months. I always pick it (because if you’re the type that just lets a zit sit on your face without picking it, then you are some kind of freak of nature, like my husband “you’ll spread bacteria” bacteria- shmacteria- and I may sneak into your bed at night and pop them, like I do to him, because popping zits is one of life’s guilty pleasures and just good fun anxiety relieving human nature!)
Anyway… my zit… is on the tip of my nose. I wondered why it kept coming back and why it never really looked much like a zit.
With the help of some equally ignorant people and WebMD, the truth came out. My zit? Is a wart. And me? Apparently, I am a fucking witch. Who else gets WARTS on the tip of their nose?!
So, that night, in my distraught state of convergence into a Wiccan, I read up on home remedies. For fucking warts.
I read that duct tape gets rid of warts. Oh yes, I did. I went to sleep with my nose duct taped. Oh yes, I did. My son woke me up asking for lunch money and asked, “what the heck is on your nose?” I replied with the good old stand-by “none of your damn business.”
The wart, that I will deny to my death ever existed and insist that it was, indeed, a zit, has not returned. Long live duct tape. Now, I wonder if it will help with that pesky little hair that keeps sprouting from my boob?
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Comments
DUDE! Duct Tape really DOES fix everything! Awesome!
AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..Sure Signs It’s Fall
@AMomTwoBoys, duct tape and windex is really the answer to the world’s problems!
tena´s last blog ..Tena doesn’t live here anymore
But that would have been PERFECT for Halloween!
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..But I Still Love Halloween
Ack! Well, you’re ready for Halloween now.
I went to bed with a dot of toothpaste on my cheek once, for the same zit-removal purposes, and my son gave me the exact same query as your son did the next morning. I wish kids would just mind their bid-ness and shit. Gawd.
grumble girl´s last blog ..Mish-mash of Suck
@grumble girl, so apparently, I should have kept the wart and gone as a witch- um- no thanks. I, too, have done the toothpaste thing for zits!
tena´s last blog ..Tena doesn’t live here anymore
Yep, you beat me to it C @ Kid Things Was just going to say Halloween’s coming up! (And WD40 and hairspray gets rid of sticky from labels (and biro and permanent marker) not that that helps with the witchy wart thing!) *witchy cackle* ;) x
Sandy´s last blog ..Chemical Cosh
Twitter: alotofnothing
Holy nuts. At least you discovered the duct tape remedy so it didn’t get burned off b/c when warts are burned off, they get black and blistery. That would make for awesome pictures.
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], ew. They claimed that if the duct tape didn’t make it go away it was “the kind that would go away on its own”- I will not be burning off any warts.
tena´s last blog ..Tena doesn’t live here anymore
you test that ducktape vs boob hair and get back to us?
kyooty´s last blog ..HASAY, OK I’ve Procrastinated Enough
OMG, that is hysterical!! Duct tape is amazing. I may have to invest in some because you just never know…
Karen´s last blog ..And I thought we were done with this topic
Nicely done!
Now what’s the cure for chin hairs?
Heather´s last blog ..October 2
@Heather, That’s one of the few things I haven’t had to test yet… I’m sure I’ll get back to you.
tena´s last blog ..Tena doesn’t live here anymore
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Thank you for the great post