This past weekend, Dave and I started a process which I am referring to as the DeWhiteTrashification of our home. It’s probably going to take all summer. I’m taking before-and-after photos, but I am not posting the “before” pictures up here until we have made substantial progress, because it is seriously embarrassing.
True story: Back when Dave and I first started dating, he had a broken washer and dryer in the driveway. You’re supposed to call the waste management people to do a special “appliance pick-up” for things like that, rather than putting them in the regular trash. A little Sanford & Son-ish to leave it in the driveway, sure, but no big deal, right? I didn’t think it was a deal-breaker or anything, I just figured he was getting around to it.
A year later, when we were about to get married, the broken washer and dryer were still in the driveway. Since we were having the rehearsal dinner at our house, I sort of freaked out about it. Steve, my ever-helpful brother-in-law, moved the washer and dryer around to the side of the house, and lay them on their sides, so they wouldn’t be visible to people coming into the house.
A year after that, which brings us to current day: we have a completely rusted-out broken washer and dryer with grass growing up through them in our yard. Can you get more white trash than that? I think not.
And that is but one of oh-so-many things that we’ll be correcting over the next few months. I’m only admitting to the washer and dryer because that part is already resolved – they’re now sitting in our driveway, tucked safely inside a dumpster that we rented, which will soon be hauled away to someplace unknown where I never have to see or think about them ever again. I can’t wait.
I also went a little crazy with the weed-whacker yesterday. (And apparently I am 12 years old, because the term “weed-whacker” totally makes me giggle. Like hee hee, I said “whack”. Which isn’t funny if you think about it in the Sopranos sense of the word. But “whacker”? Y’all, I am not made of stone. That is a funny word.) Dave mowed the lawn while I weed-whacked. (Hee!) (Okay, I’ll stop.) I really had no idea what a workout that thing is – I noticed after I stopped that my arms were shaking, but I just assumed it was from the vibration of the motor. Sort of like if you spend a lot of time on a boat, it feels really weird to walk on land afterward? I thought it was something like that.
Later that night I went to dinner with Kris, and I had to use two hands to lift a glass of water from the table to my mouth. I would try to lift it with one hand, but I would shake so badly that I thought I was going to drop the glass. Hmm. Maybe it’s just me, but something seemed sort of wrong about that.
Today, my arms are so sore that I can barely lift anything. I went to get a carton of milk out of the fridge this morning and promptly dropped it on the floor. I was using both hands, and it was only a two-quart container, not a gallon. (And do you know how far milk can splatter? It’s insane.)
Of course, I keep giggling at the thought that my arms are sore from the vibration of whacking for three hours yesterday. Which really makes it all worthwhile. Except, ouch.
WHACK! He he. Thanks Cindy, for your Three Day Weekend Submission, we are all still snickering about it! You can find Cindy at her amazing blog, PooBou, and on twitter!
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I totally had like an 8 foot weed on the side of my house that I completely ignored for like 6 months. Until my lawn guy asked if he could cut it down. I figured if my neighbors could have a statue of the David right by their front door (oh yeah, they put a Merry Christmas sign around his neck with balls that hung…well, over his balls) I could have that weed.
And the reason you couldn’t lift the water glass, was because you should have chosen something yummier and lighter, like wine! lol!
@The Bare Essentials Today, Wine instead of the water… totally agree…. beverage fail! x
@The Bare Essentials Today, @Sandy, of course y’all are right. But I wrote this post 3 years ago when we were trying to get pregnant, and I was being very careful about not drinking when I was in that two-week window in the 2nd half of my cycle.
But I don’t drink wine. It should’ve been vodka.
Twitter Name: poobou
@cindy w, Oops.. sorry! But coincidentally, I was going to write “vodka” instead of “wine”…. cheers sista! x
“De-WhiteTrashification” is now my favorite term! I need to do that to a few people I know!
Twitter Name: mommaruthsays
@mommaruthsays, Hee. Glad I could help. :-)
Twitter Name: poobou
Nice! HOpe the De-White Trashification process is a fast one.
On a side note, if you’re called “trash” in Jamaica it means you’re looking HOT! Just in case you were wondering…
Twitter Name: AmazingGreis
@AmazingGreis, Oh yeah, this post is from 3 years ago at our old house in Washington. This house has no white trashiness about it. Yet. At least not until we have a major appliance break and my husband puts it out on the front porch.
Twitter Name: poobou
I dunno, but I like when people have a little W.T. in them. LOL
@Secret Agent Mama, Oh honey, I was born and raised in Mississippi. I have enough W.T. in me for a whole major metropolitan area, trust me.
Twitter Name: poobou
Three hours of whacking? You got to ease into it girl! Like up your whacking by 10 minutes per week. But think about how awesome you will be at whacking once you recover…
De-whitetrashification…I feel like I’ve been working at that for YEARS. And if it makes you feel better, I have stuff on the side of my house that doesn’t belong there, too. Not a washer and dryer with grass growing through it, but close.
Twitter Name: izzymom
Please tell me your secret. How did you get your husband to actually do something like throw away a washer and dryer? I am still trying to get my hubbie to plant my daughter’s placenta that has been sitting in our freezer for three years.
Twitter Name: Melissa Siig