Balls in the ‘Hood
They come in many forms.
Plastic.
Flesh-coloured.
Tennis balls tucked inside a pair of old stockings, perhaps.
Or, you know, STEEL.
That’s right. Someone is driving their pick-up truck around my town with a very anatomically correct pair of steel BALLS hanging from the tow hitch.
Recently referred to by Jon Stewart as “truck nuts,” this pair of steel testicles is hanging mere yards from my very own home. It may not come as a surprise to you that the driver of this truck also often parks his douchemobile on the wrong side of the road. The balls are in plain view of loads and loads of kids who innocently stroll the sidewalk on their way home from the school that is right across the street.
“Mom, what’s that hanging from that truck?”
Can you imagine trying to explain truck nuts to a five-year-old? Because I can’t even figure them out.
What exactly are truck nuts about? I mean, no self-respecting woman would hang a pair of tits from the back of her SUV…
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Comments
Yeah I think they’re ridiculous. I’ve decided the men who put those on their vehicles have a masculinity issue. There’s a house on my paper route with a pair of blue rubber ones. Heh. Blue balls. ~Susan
Susan (woo222)´s last blog ..Weekend of Petty Crime
Do I lose my girl card b/c I think they’re hilarious? and if I still had my truck, which I put duel exhaust on, I would totally get a pair?
TOTAL overcompensation. You notice them almost solely on VERY large trucks, which I think is quite telling ;)
velocibadgergirl´s last blog ..
Twitter: alotofnothing
You’re growing a pair, you should know what they mean, right? Do you need an anatomy lesson? Or maybe a redneck, douchenozzle lesson.
Um, where can I get some? I don’t drive, but maybe I can just hang them around my neck, so people would just FUCK OFF already! Maybe. If they come in smaller versions, maybe I’ll hang some on the tree this year. You know, Jingle Balls. Niiiiice. Martha will be SO jealous.
grumble girl´s last blog ..How to Top the Barack-O-Lantern?
Do what I do: Explain to the kids that the owner of the vehicle is worried that his penis is too small.
Trust me, they’ll totally get it. And, if you’re lucky, they’ll mention it your truck-nut owning neighbor.
Finn´s last blog ..Silenced
Just tell the kids his trucks broken!
momcat´s last blog ..Seen on the streets – Plant Man
Wow. I’ve (thankfully) never seen those in real life. I try not to be judgmental but that’s just…stupid, really. And really stupid.
Kootnygirl´s last blog ..My name is not Earl, but it might as well be
I just…
Men are such asshats sometimes.
AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..Party Girl
Boys are so dumb.
Shauna´s last blog ..Why you shouldn’t take drugs
Very classy. I’d have to move. Or maybe you can sneak out at night and cut them off.
Karen Chatters´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday
You have got to be shitting me.
Wow.
And, ew.
Allison´s last blog ..Top Chef Week 8: Pigs and Pinot
I hate those damn things! I live in Oklahoma and it seems like we have a really high concentration of douchebags driving their douchemobiles. I’m buying bolt cutters and removing them from now on!
Twitter: SillyJaime
I’m posting a blog next week with the blue plastic ones I saw the other day. I’d never seen that before!
Jaime´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: My First Time
They’re everywhere in NC. My mom was down from PA and was all “WHAT IS THAT?!” I explained that the good ol’ Southern boys like to play the Ford vs. Chevy war about whose truck has bigger balls. Then she started laughing hysterically and has gone back and told all her friends and I’m expecting a full-on Ball Brigade when I go home next time. Lovely.
Liz´s last blog ..Ergodic
They are ALL OVER the place here, too. And for the record, my man-thing thinks they’re just as stupid as the rest of us do.
Chibi Jeebs´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday: Are you crafty, or do you just *think* so?
That’s just…WEIRD.
Secret Agent Mama´s last blog ..Swimming in the Sea of Darkness and Light
Dude I totally have a pair on the beater 1999 Mazda Protege that I drive. They are my husbands. I had them bronzed when he decided to drive a BMW.
Just kidding. Well sort of. Not really.
@StacieinAtlanta´s last blog ..Sitting, Eating Sleeping and Schlepping Baby Giveaway Ends 11/6
I totally want a pair. I’d drop them down real low, let them drag along the ground till sparks shot off them and put a big DONT MESS WITH ME – IM WOMAN sticker right above them…. I totally want a pair..
Tam´s last blog ..Guess Who’s Toilet Trained
UH yeah, definitely overcompensation. His poor wife.
I think it would be great if you hung a pair of tits off the back of your SUV! :-D
?d
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