They come in many forms.
Plastic.
Flesh-coloured.
Tennis balls tucked inside a pair of old stockings, perhaps.
Or, you know, STEEL.
That’s right. Someone is driving their pick-up truck around my town with a very anatomically correct pair of steel BALLS hanging from the tow hitch.
Recently referred to by Jon Stewart as “truck nuts,” this pair of steel testicles is hanging mere yards from my very own home. It may not come as a surprise to you that the driver of this truck also often parks his douchemobile on the wrong side of the road. The balls are in plain view of loads and loads of kids who innocently stroll the sidewalk on their way home from the school that is right across the street.
“Mom, what’s that hanging from that truck?”
Can you imagine trying to explain truck nuts to a five-year-old? Because I can’t even figure them out.
What exactly are truck nuts about? I mean, no self-respecting woman would hang a pair of tits from the back of her SUV…
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeah I think they’re ridiculous. I’ve decided the men who put those on their vehicles have a masculinity issue. There’s a house on my paper route with a pair of blue rubber ones. Heh. Blue balls. ~Susan
Do I lose my girl card b/c I think they’re hilarious? and if I still had my truck, which I put duel exhaust on, I would totally get a pair?
Twitter: velocibadgerGRL
October 15, 2009 at 9:29 am
TOTAL overcompensation. You notice them almost solely on VERY large trucks, which I think is quite telling ;)
Twitter: alotofnothing
October 15, 2009 at 9:48 am
You’re growing a pair, you should know what they mean, right? Do you need an anatomy lesson? Or maybe a redneck, douchenozzle lesson.
Um, where can I get some? I don’t drive, but maybe I can just hang them around my neck, so people would just FUCK OFF already! Maybe. If they come in smaller versions, maybe I’ll hang some on the tree this year. You know, Jingle Balls. Niiiiice. Martha will be SO jealous.
Twitter: msmegan
October 15, 2009 at 10:54 am
Do what I do: Explain to the kids that the owner of the vehicle is worried that his penis is too small.
Trust me, they’ll totally get it. And, if you’re lucky, they’ll mention it your truck-nut owning neighbor.
Just tell the kids his trucks broken!
Wow. I’ve (thankfully) never seen those in real life. I try not to be judgmental but that’s just…stupid, really. And really stupid.
Twitter: AMomTwoBoys
October 15, 2009 at 11:26 am
I just…
Men are such asshats sometimes.
Twitter: shaunaglenn
October 15, 2009 at 11:37 am
Boys are so dumb.
Twitter: KarenChatters
October 15, 2009 at 11:49 am
Very classy. I’d have to move. Or maybe you can sneak out at night and cut them off.
You have got to be shitting me.
Wow.
And, ew.
I hate those damn things! I live in Oklahoma and it seems like we have a really high concentration of douchebags driving their douchemobiles. I’m buying bolt cutters and removing them from now on!
Twitter: SillyJaime
October 15, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I’m posting a blog next week with the blue plastic ones I saw the other day. I’d never seen that before!
They’re everywhere in NC. My mom was down from PA and was all “WHAT IS THAT?!” I explained that the good ol’ Southern boys like to play the Ford vs. Chevy war about whose truck has bigger balls. Then she started laughing hysterically and has gone back and told all her friends and I’m expecting a full-on Ball Brigade when I go home next time. Lovely.
They are ALL OVER the place here, too. And for the record, my man-thing thinks they’re just as stupid as the rest of us do.
That’s just…WEIRD.
Twitter: StacieinAtlanta
October 16, 2009 at 12:27 am
Dude I totally have a pair on the beater 1999 Mazda Protege that I drive. They are my husbands. I had them bronzed when he decided to drive a BMW.
Just kidding. Well sort of. Not really.
I totally want a pair. I’d drop them down real low, let them drag along the ground till sparks shot off them and put a big DONT MESS WITH ME – IM WOMAN sticker right above them…. I totally want a pair..
Twitter: AndreaUpdyke
October 16, 2009 at 1:23 pm
UH yeah, definitely overcompensation. His poor wife.
I think it would be great if you hung a pair of tits off the back of your SUV! :-D
?d
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