Things Not to Say to Pregnant Women

When I got pregnant, my friends who are already moms warned me that people would say stupid things to me. When it first started to become obvious to others that I was pregnant, I felt like maybe my friends had been wrong. Nobody was being weird around me. No strangers were touching my baby belly. Even my friends were asking first if it was okay to touch me before approaching the bump.

But lately it seems like I’ve reached the tipping point and all bets are off. Not only is the belly open for business, but the comments, the advice, the thoughtless blurting of unwanted opinions? It’s begun.

The first thoughtless comment came from a co-worker when I first began to show. She looked at me and said,

You’re starting to look a little chubby.

Now, of all the words she could have chosen to indicate that she noticed I was beginning to show, the one word I was most loathe to hear was chubby. I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, not at my belly, but, of course, at my face and my ass. I didn’t mind looking pregnant, but chubby? Come on.

The next couple of months went along without many stupid things being said to me until Graham and I were at Lowe’s about a month ago. As we waited for our debit card authorization at the checkout, the overly cheerful, young cashier asked me when I’m due. “November 20,” I told her.

Wow, really? You’re so small for being due so soon.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. The crazy pregnant lady doesn’t want to be called chubby, but she also doesn’t want to be called small. So what does she want to be called? The answer, quite simply, is nothing. I know the cashier meant to be complimentary, and I’m mostly secure about my pregnant body, but she didn’t know that. Another pregnant woman might have been weirded out by that comment, might have worried that the baby wasn’t growing fast enough…who knows? The point is, it’s not anyone’s place, especially a stranger’s, to verbally judge any pregnant woman’s shape or size.

Then last week when we were at Home Depot (I know, we spend a lot of time at home renovation stores), as we left the store the greeter at the door told me,

Sign the form that gets you the drugs.

Um, thanks, lady. I was just wondering what your opinion about medications in labour and delivery are, when it comes to the impending birth of my child, seeing as I’ve never seen you before in my life. Sheesh.

And last but not least, two days ago my neighbour’s sister-in-law was chatting with me a little as I puttered in the front garden, asking if we had any names picked out and when the baby is due. Then came the kicker. With a smile, as she got into her car, she said,

Nice belly button.

My belly button popped out months ago. I’m pretty much used to it by now. But when I get dressed in the morning I turn sideways in the mirror to see how much it’s protruding in the clothes I’ve chosen for that day. How do she manage to zone in on the one thing that I’m still self-conscious about?!

Pregnant women are a little bit nuts. We know this. We reserve the right to be easily offended, quickly overwhelmed, extremely self-conscious and quick to react. So please, I urge you, the next time you feel the need to provide a pregnant woman with some advice or comment on her appearance, bite your tongue until you remember the one phrase that is acceptable:

You look beautiful!

Tagged as: Babies, pregnancy, stupid things people say