They wouldn’t let me put this on the whole Public Broadcast Service thingy. You know, the “This is a test. This is only a test. If this was a real emergency I already would have trampled on my secretary’s spleen in an attempt to save my own ass. This is only a test” people.
So I will have to use this space here to warn you of the dangers that await you!!!
Moving furniture will break your boobs.
There. I said it. They didn’t want you to know!! CURSE YOU, ROOMS TO GO!!!!
No one had ever shared this bit of information with me. It’s only whispered about in the most secretive circles…like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and that freakfest that was “Eyes Wide Shut”….but with less creepy Voldemort-style sex.
I am here to blow the lid wide off this bitch!!!
Don’t do it. Moving furniture is bad for your health.
Plus? If it’s been sitting there a really long time you won’t realize that the carpet under there is a totally different color than the carpet everywhere else until too late. DAMMIT!
But, today? In a burst of uncharacteristic domestic enthusiasm, I got my husband to agree to move some shit around and mid-lift. I felt something give.
And I mean GIVE.
In my chest.
I was scared to look down. I was pretty sure that my boob was going to be somewhere around my ankle…I swear I could feel my nipple brushing the carpet.
I gently persuaded my husband to set down the item in question with my sweetly whispered, “OH SHIT I BROKE MY BOOB!!!!!”
THERE.YOU.GO. Proof that no good can come out of playing switcheroo with your couch. That shit’s heavy. Leave it alone! I should have listened to Amy Lo. She tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen.
Thankfully enough, said boob was NOT damaged enough to require medical attention.
There has, however, been some swelling.
About Anissa Mayhew
OMG, Anissa, you kill me!
I could go for an instant boob lift myself … if only it were that easy.
Hope the boob healed okay :).
I have a feeling that if the swelling doesn’t go down soon I may smother to death.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
thank God for photoshop- I will forever be able to giggle with that picture in my mind now!
Twitter Name: tenakim
I’ll have you know I giggled my ass off making that picture…I wanted to share it with you, but nothing’s more fun than the element of surprise!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
By the way- I’m loving the fact that the blonde ponytail is still there- it’s very “Sheniqua”!
Twitter Name: tenakim
I thought about fixing it, but thought that it added “flaaavor”
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Dude, I could hear you saying that. Like perfectly.
Your poor boob.
Twitter Name: mariamelee
I know, it would have been the boob injury heard around the world.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Ha ha. That’s really funny…and sounds slightly painful. Hope the swelling goes down quickly. ha ha.
I think we can count on a full recovery.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I was TOTALLY gonna go home and move some things around tonight. Thank GOD for this announcement, because now I’m pretty sure I owe you my life and possibly my boobs. Thanks Anissa, from now on I’m not moving anything!!! Does laundry fall under the too heavy to move category? Just checkin’…
Twitter Name: AmazingGreis
I will expect to be added to the top of your christmas list..and to receive a really kickass gift for protecting your boobage
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
The blonde ponytail is the best part.
Hope your boob is better soon.
Twitter Name: AMomTwoBoys
I may just have to get one of those for real, I think it adds something special to my new look.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Dear god- damn girl. 1 month in Georgia and look at you? Damnit Janit… Broken boob, swelling, smexy new hairstyle, and obviously you traded in your ride for the General Lee. Nice… soon you will be in perfect shape to come visit me in Mississippi. It’s good your goign thru Ch Ch Ch changes….
I KNOW!! I’m so ashamed. Next thing you know my teeth are going to start falling out
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Dear god- damn girl. 1 month in Georgia and look at you? Damnit Janit… Broken boob, swelling, smexy new hairstyle, and obviously you traded in your ride for the General Lee. Nice… soon you will be in perfect shape to come visit me in Mississippi. It’s good your going thru Ch Ch Ch changes….
You crack me up!! Nice rack… and when did you sprout a blond pony tail? Klassee!!
Twitter Name: charmedimsure
I am amazed that with the size of that cleavage anyone noticed the ponytail at ALL!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
The photo is HYSTERICAL.
Are you mocking my pain?
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Does it need massaging? I need to check it myself.
Twitter Name: alotofnothing
Vdog already promised me a mammogram, so hopefully it won’t be lumpy as well as swollen
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
TOO, TOO Funny. Nothing like a good graphic to get your point across :)
There’s swelling and then there’s SWELLING!
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
You are hilarious! Reading this made my boobs hurt. I had sympathy nipple pains. I won’t be moving furniture anytime soon. Thanks.
Really? I’m like Mother Theresa over here, making the world a better place. one unmoved couch at a time.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
ROFL.. I hope your boop has returned to it normal size soon. :) So you think you can sue RTG? :)
Dude, you’re such a frickin hottie. And that hot cheerleader pony tail you have? SOOO JEALOUS!
PS. I hope yer boobies heal soon!
Twitter Name: barefootfoodie
That was fantastic. I was crying.
Broke Boob Mountain sucks! But you’re one stylish chica with the ponytail and orange car. Because the blond ponytail and orange care just screams adjusted and normal. Hope the boobies are better.
I just wanted to let you know I laughed so hard last night I was in tears. I love this site! No matter how down in the dumps I get, Aiming Low picks me up!
BTW just added your button to the Sites I Love page on my blog, b/c I love ya!
It’s odd? The boobs in that picture do not bug me. The ponytail, however, bugs the FA-NUCK outta me!
P.S. I can come massage the boobie for you?
Yes?
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Gr