Teenyboppers, I do not heart you.

When I was a young girl I had all the latest issues of Tiger/Teen Beat. I carefully cut out all the hot bodies and pretty faces so I could look at them all day long. Most of them adorned my walls while the really special ones got taped to my notebooks. For the record I didn’t screw around with scotch tape either, I laminated those boys with strips of packing tape. Don’t judge me, you know you’re just jealous you didn’t think of it.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Devon Sawa, Jonathan Jackson, New Kids on the Block all these and more littered the days of my youth.

That was then.

I don’t still harbor crushes on teenage actors and I do not understand the women who do. I just can’t get on board with this recent trend. This is a short list of celeb crushes that I just don’t get.

1. Zac Efron – What the hell! Admittedly he is looking a little bit better these days but good lord can we say high maintenance. I’m pretty sure he uses more hair product in one day than I do in a whole friggin year. Seriously this is the best we can do for the remake of Footloose?

2. The Jonas Brothers – Jaysus I shudder just looking at this picture. It is wrong on SO many levels. I appreciate a quirky musician as much as the next girl but BOYS SHOULDN’T WEAR SKINNY JEANS! Personally I don’t even think skinny jeans look good on skinny girls but to each their own.

3. Edward…I mean R Patz – First of all let me apologize to the die hard sparkle fans including my fellow Aiming Low girls. First of all, for the love of everything holy, man, CUT.YOUR.HAIR. After that perhaps a shower, or two, or five would be in order. I can see the makings of a cute guy in there but he needs to put on a few pounds for me, I don’t like my boy to weigh less than me.

I’m not saying that these boys are ugly ducklings but they are boys…just boys. I prefer my men aged. Now I’m off to go ogle my true loves Dennis Quaid and Kevin Costner.

Tagged as: cute guys, jonas brothers, twilight, zac efron