A few months ago, I read a feature article on Jennifer Aniston in a magazine when she was promoting “He’s Just Not That Into You” with a few of the other cast members.
It was one of those articles where the author describes the entire fucking scene in the first paragraph so that we all know that this was not some Q&A over the phone. The author was there, yo. In a cafe in New York with Jennifer Aniston, who was wearing dark-washed jeans and a white tank top that accentuated her toned arms and luminous blue eyes.
At one point the author mentioned that Aniston ordered a martini but removed the olives. She said that under no circumstances could she ingest that much sodium because it would show on her face the next day.
I really, really wish I hadn’t read that.
Because now, when I eat my morning Cup O’ Noodles, I can’t help but wonder if it shows on my face.
Yes, I would really have liked to have sexy times with Brad Pitt.
But, I am not sure I’d trade my salty pleasures (this excludes my husbands balls because, frankly, the pleasure is all his) to be some kind of actress or whatever.
I mean, what the hell does she do when she is hungover? How does she avoid Top Ramen?
Whatever. She can be pretty and rich.
I’ve got a man. With salty nuts.
About Anissa Mayhew
You are hilarious! I just found your blog through Modern Mom. I’m following. :)
That’s a lot of information for one post. Uh. Lot.
Twitter Name: alotofnothing
I used to live on Ramen Noodles and Orange Juice when I was in college. I love that stuff!!! Needless to say I was a bloated acidic excuse for a human being.
Gotta run out and get me some!
Um, sodium shows in your face… Fuuuuuuuuck.
So sodium shows in your face, sugar shows on my ass…whatever!
And FYI, I just read this post to my husband so he can appreciate the things I’m giving up choosing him over fame & fortune…bloated face & all!
If I could stop laughing I would leave a more intelligent comment. This was a lot to take in first thing in the morning.
Cup O’ Noodles is severely underrated in modern society. And, uh, my face is always puffy. So bring on the salt.
His sodium shows on your face and it makes a great marriage…. That’s why hollywood marriages dont last…… Keep it real.. You go girl.
So you mean this bowl of Cheeze-Its Party Mix I’m currently inhaling isn’t going to make me look better after all?
This was hilarious.
Wendi
PS–Go Ducks! Class of ’90.
Twitter Name: wendiaarons
Now I’m thinking about Laef’s balls. Just so you know:)
So THAT’s the reason my face is all puffy lately? I’m going to do some experimenting and see if MY Brad Pitt notices :)
I realize this post might have been a bit much. I didn’t realize it would post at 7 a.m. PST or whatever.
I am glad to know that AJ is now thinking of Laef’s balls. :) Hilarious!!!
Wendi: GO DUCKS!! Yay!!
Honey your face looks a little skinny…You don’t want people thinking you have a thyroid problem do you?
Does this mean my balls taste like olives? God bless you, cause I haTe olives.
I too, read that poser of an article about Jen Aniston. And as I type this I’m eating a bag of potato chips – that’s gonna do more than just show up on my already bloated face.
As for salty balls – I’ll drink to that ;0
Didn’t it suck when Ramen went up from 7 cents a package? I mean, it fucked up my whole budget.
Twitter Name: Sweet_Life
Love Laef’s input!
Life without salt is a life I don’t want to live. I stand with you in puffy-handed solidarity!
Twitter Name: izzymom
wait- it thought we were supposed to ADD olives to martinis that are already dirty with their extra olive juice?
OMG, Laef’s comment is hilarious, and so something my husband would have said. How do guys have the ability to inerject those requests absolutely everywhere?
I’m way more of a salt person than a sweet person. Having said that, this post made me gaggy. I’m think you just ensured my husband will NOT be getting any tonight.
:0)
Twitter Name: AMomTwoBoys
i’m not giving up top ramen. or salty balls. hollywood be damned!
Twitter Name: hellohahanarf
Hell YES.
Too funny! I have a jar of martini olives in my fridge and I eat like 6 or 7 every night – sans vodka! I finally understand why my face is swollen in the mornings.
Thanks Jennifer Aniston for solving that riddle!
I am a sweet person- unfortunately (for him) my husband’s balls are not sugary! But sugar makes you fat and fat is harder to get rid of than “puffy”- at least that’s what Angelina says.
Twitter Name: tenakim