Real Men Must Smell Like Urine

So… I inadvertently sparked an interesting debate yesterday over at thebhj.com.  First, allow me to say the guy is a truly gifted writer.  Anyone who reads anything there can ascertain this within the first three sentences of any post. His last one focused on his inability to get his son to change his underwear.  It was very funny.

One of the reasons he gave his son was that after men pee, a little dribble comes out into our underwear, so naturally, you’ll want to change them daily.  And guess what?  He’s right. That does happen and it is advisable to change your underwear daily.

Several years ago I read an article written by some woman about blow jobs, and the women commenters went off on a tangent about how their men might get more blow jobs if their crotches didn’t stink of urine.  A fair request, to say the least. Well, given my love for blow jobs and my hate for blow job deterrents, I began a new habit:  Wiping things down after I pee.

Here was my comment to his post:

Ok, I’ll admit it. I wipe after I pee. Like a girl, but I don’t giggle when I’m doing it (that’s how I picture them doing it, anyway.) The dribble thing. It’s true. And no amount of tapping does the trick. And now that I’ve admitted that, it was nice meeting everyone here and good luck with everything.

BHJ: Excuse me, Mayo Pie.  But… you wipe your dick?

Me: Yes… I wipe my dick. And I’ll admit that it sounds… feminine? But upon hearing my explanation I’m sure you’ll agree that my reasoning is sound. Several years ago, I read some comments from women complaining that they’d go down on their men more often if their manbushes didn’t smell like piss. They attributed this stench to incomplete or half-assed tapping throughout the day. Since getting a blowjob is one of my absolute favorite things and considering their inherent rarity, I decided that any deterrent was one too many. So, yes, I wipe my dick, but only as a courtesy to those licking it.

Well, several women commenters applauded my efforts, while BHJ and a couple of other guys gave me a little heat. No problem.  BHJ even made it an issue on Twitter, going so far as to say that “Real men don’t wipe after they pee.”  So… I guess I can conclude that he’s insinuating (or flat out stating) that I’m not a real man and while I’d be well within my rights to take offense and attack, I’m going to let it slide because I don’t think he meant it as a personal attack and I can understand how it seemingly violates a man rule, hence my initial embarrassment.  Anyway, here was my last comment on the thread:

Um, guys? The women have spoken. Though if it’s your consensus that taking steps to secure more blow jobs for yourself somehow makes you less of a man, then I’m not sure you got the updated list of man objectives at the last meeting. We got together and decided we really like those. We also did away with the definition of a man being “one that marinates penis in urine soaked cotton.” But hey, I’m not here to start a fight and I admit that it’s not the norm, but fuck dudes, MORE BLOW JOBS. Hello? Jesus, (other jesus) you’d think I said I wear panties and sing show tunes. Yes, there’s a certain amount of courtesy involved but make no mistake about my selfish motivation.

And that’s that (so far.)  I imagine the debate will die, at least over there. But not here. I’m curious to find out where my readers fall on this issue. Every once in awhile I find myself in a Twilight Zone argument and this is one of those times. I mean, here I am having my manhood challenged because I don’t let my junk bask in my own waste.  And the irony is, my reasons for doing so (outside of the obvious hygiene issues) are aggressively heterosexual.

As we evolve as a species, we learn how to solve age-old problems, many of which we didn’t even realize were problems until someone said, “Hey, everyone, we’ve been doing this wrong forever.” It happens every day.  And while some don’t view their underwear performing the same function as… let’s say… a diaper a problem, I do and have chosen to solve it. If that makes me less of a man, then call me Shirley.

This amazing post comes to Three Day Weekend courtesy of Mayo Pie.   Are you reading him?  You should be.