There is a term for being a frequent sufferer of debilitating headaches – migraneur. It’s an awfully fancy word for the most common cause of unrelenting pain, after backaches. I’ve suffered from headaches since puberty and they weren’t such a big deal when I was younger. Sudden, severe pain, a little throwing up, then right back at it. I learned to live with it.
About three years ago, as I turned 40, I started waking up with horrible, nauseating headaches which didn’t abate with the inevitable vomiting. They lingered, sometimes for two days or more. Waking up with migraines as a mom of two little kids was inconvenient in the extreme, and it kicked me in the teeth.
My doctor ordered an MRI, which was reassuringly negative, but the quest for a cause and a cure had just begun. I became a star in my own annoying episode of House, without the dramatic and speedy resolution. I’ve tried courses of beta-blockers, anti-seizure meds, sleeping pills, and just about anything made for anxiety and depression – despite never feeling particularly afflicted by either of those conditions – and nothing has lessened the frequency of the beastly, throbbing monsters that rob me of my life a few times each month.
I have tried many things to break the cycle of headaches. I even tried acupuncture, but any soothing benefits of this procedure were hard to discern after freaking out from being left alone on the table for 45 minutes. Do you know how hard it is to get up and kick someone’s ass while covered in needles? It really can’t be done with any sort of efficiency.
I’ve tried to identify patterns and triggers, to no avail. I’ve gone months without a single cocktail for fear that alcohol was the problem, and still got headaches. I convinced my husband that the cat box produced an aroma that was ruining his life and was able to avoid that chore for a while. Headaches. I became convinced hormones were the culprit, but all the tests were normal and, apparently, I’ve still got a perfectly productive womb and many periods in my future.
I consider myself a strong person and I am otherwise rarely sick. I’ve never even had the flu. I’m not an addict and I don’t like attention, at least the medical kind, so that rules out my being a drug-seeking, Munchausen Syndrome-suffering, faker. I realize that sounds defensive, but I am uncomfortable with the diagnosis of person suffering from intractable pain.
At times I feel disabled and that’s as much about the blow to my self-esteem as it is the decline of my physical health. It bothers me to tell people I can’t do something because I have a headache. I sometimes wonder if they think I am exaggerating or plain making it up as an excuse, and it makes me mad that the overused lie, I have a headache, is my honest and frequent state of being.
Some people simply don’t get it. To those who have never experienced a migraine, it’s a hard thing to explain. Yes, I took something for it. It didn’t help. And, for the really bad ones, I will definitely take something in a few hours as soon as the vomiting stops and I won’t just be flushing a tiny $10 pill down the toilet.
I am almost positive my friends and family understand this condition I have. I do everything I can to keep this from affecting my kids, my marriage, and the work I can thankfully do from home, wearing the latest in headache-chic accessories. I don’t want my kids to look back and think that Mommy was always sick. I don’t want my husband to look at me and see something less than, when I fully counted on always being his more than.
Perhaps I’ll grow out of this soon. There are many things I want out of this life and I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out. And, despite my insecurities, I know my people love me and believe me even though, after all, it’s all in my head.
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{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }
Have you ever seen a psychiatrist? Not saying your crazy at all, but they have found a link between mental illness and migraines…its worth looking into if you have exhausted all your other options.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 8:43 am
I’m lucky to have a very proactive and compassionate doc who tried me on courses of meds that might alleviate any underlying problem, such as anxiety or depression, and there wasn’t enough of an improvement to keep taking those meds.
Laurin, you don’t know me from the man-in-the-moon, but I had to write this because your story struck an intense chord with me. I went through the EXACT SAME THING you are suffering from now for almost TEN LONG YEARS. I suffered for an average of twenty days out of every month. I tried everything. At one time, I was taking fifteen different pills a day and that didn’t include the pain meds.
For the last four years, I have gotten the headaches down to three or four a YEAR. the difference? Seasonale birth control pills. Hormones were causing my migraines. And yes, they had been tested in the past, and all the tests came back normal!
Please consider trying birth control pills. You have nothing to lose but the pain. good luck.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 8:46 am
That’s good info. Even though my tubes are tied and I don’t need birth control, I’ll ask my doctor about Seasonale. I knew I would get some fresh leads from you guys! See, it is like House.
I feel for you. I just crawled back from the dead after spending all day in bed with a migraine yesterday. Mine are mostly triggered by hormone fluctuations too. Gotta love those hormones.
One thing that has really helped me though is finding a TCM doctor (traditional chinese medicine) and using herbs he has prescribed.
Best wishes.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 10:08 am
That’s what I need – some herb! Wait, you didn’t mean pot, right? Actually, all kidding aside because I only smoked pot that one time at camp and hated it, if I lived in California I would be trying medicinal marijuana to stop the vomiting and pain.
I’ve been suffering from migraines since the age of 18. I’d get at least 2 or 3 a month. When I turned 30 and was getting married, I went to a new doctor for a blood workup and mentioned the migraie situation to him. I’d tried everything by then and so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try his advice:
Do your best to stay away from the following foods as they are triggers: Red Wine, Processed meats (bacon, ham, bologna, etc), yogurt, nuts, onions, dried fruit, cheeses. Make sure to be extra careful in the days leading up to your period and during your period.
It sounds like lot to stay away from (which is probably why I’ve also managed to stay a size 2 since the age of 30) but it really did do the trick for me.
Also remember to wear GOOD sunglasses even in the winter as the glare and reflections off other cars, windows and snow can be a trigger as well.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 10:11 am
I have done the food avoidance thing and I couldn’t nail anything down. I think it’s time to try again and be super-vigilant about it. Goodbye, bacon, my beloved! *sniff*
i, literally, feel your pain. and how annoying is it when people say they ‘have a migraine’ when they really have a headache!? mine were definitely hormone-triggered as well and I stopped having them when i got a uterine ablasion procedure (i’m 40, have 4 kids and was done) which stops your period but doesn’t make you stop ovulating, so you don’t go into menopause. can also only drink organic wine because the sulfites triggered migraines. lack of sleep was always my #1 trigger- thank God for Simply Sleep! hang in there and good luck!
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 10:16 am
That’s interesting and I’m going to look into what an ablasion is all about. Yeah, even the smell of wine can give me an instant headache, then other times I have a glass because it’s the only thing at a party, and nothing happens. My husband gave me all kinds of hell when I was buying organic wine!
The sleep thing? That’s why my doc tried me on sleeping pills for a bit. I still woke up every few hours due to kids, dog, cat, snoring husband. What to do?
Twitter: thecaffeinatrix
August 5, 2009 at 10:21 am
I get some pretty bad headaches, usually one side, light and noise sensitive, but I really don’t think their migraines. That said, I cannot imagine anything as bad as you have described. With so much advanced/modern medicine, you’d think they’d be able to do more for them :\
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 11:10 am
Right? It’s a hard thing to diagnose and treat for some reason.
I totally (well kinda) understand where you are coming from. I suffered from debilitating knee pain for years and went through countless doctors and medicines until it was finally properly diagnosed. Bi-lateral patella tendon disorder (sounds fancy no?). Hopefully you will find some doctor or some medicine in the near future that helps.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 11:12 am
I had a strange knee thing in college. I could barely walk to class for two years, then it just vanished. Knee pain is bad news, too.
Twitter: alotofnothing
August 5, 2009 at 10:33 am
I have no advice other than to cut your head off, and I’m sure you’ve already thought of that.
That said, feel better!
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 11:13 am
Thanks, man. Yeah, I’ve thought of that. :)
Twitter: alimartell
August 5, 2009 at 10:53 am
I haven’t ever had a migraine, but my boss got them at least once a week. I couldn’t believe how debilitating they were for her; how they must be for you. HUGS.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 11:15 am
I’m so glad you haven’t! I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Twitter: mariamelee
August 5, 2009 at 11:01 am
Aw lady.
…uh, that’s a cute picture at least.
Thank you for writing this. It’s beautiful.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 11:16 am
Thank you. I am the sexy.
Twitter: AMomTwoBoys
August 5, 2009 at 11:02 am
I can’t even imagine. I really, really, really, really hope something can be figured out to help you.
You’ve started drinking again, right? I mean, you shouldn’t have to COMPLETELY suffer. :0)
xoxo
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 11:20 am
Thanks. And yeah, I drink, but I have to be careful because I get wicked hangovers. (surprise, surprise) I’m a cheap date!
Awful. There is nothing worse than that pain.
I hope you find a remedy soon so you can be free from this.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Me too. I got some great tips today.
I have headaches, not as bad as yours, migraines and tension headaches. I woke up with a migraine this morning, which is unusual for me, they usually start at night. Took something for that and I felt it “loosen” up and now a tension headache as set in and I can’t take anything for it, which really doesn’t seem fair. I also feel like people think it is some kind of excuse, especially my family, and I really hate that. I can’t help it that I have this pain that makes me not want to do anything.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 4:04 pm
As if feeling sick isn’t enough, we worry what people think. Double suckage.
Twitter: missycj03
August 5, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I am right there with you. I have been getting migraines since my early teen years. Mine seem to be primarily stress related, but also linked to my hormones. There was a point at my last job that I was getting upwards of 3 migraines in a month. That could not be gotten rid of for 1-2 days and sometimes not for a week. I have been though tons of different medicines to relieve the pain. My optometrist sent me to a neurologist who ordered a TON of blood tests (no good for the girl who gets lightheaded at the sight of her own blood) and a sleep study. He thinks that my lack of sleep at night is the reason my body does not combat the pain. He also said I have basal migraines and wants me to contemplate getting some kind of shots in the back of my head to numb that nerve and see if I get any kind of reprieve from the pain. For now, I take Maxalt once the migraine sets in. And Phenergan for the nausea. I have a cold pack very similar to yours which is my absolute best friend during a migraine. It is definitely hard to explain to a non-migraine getter what a migraine feels like and why I can not do anything other than lie perfectly still in a cold dark QUIET room. And vomit.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I tried Maxalt, but Relpax is what works the best for me. It is very expensive. Even on our prescription plan. Can everyone ask for samples of Relpax at their appointments and mail them to me? :) That would be awesome!
I totally feel your pain (unfortunately) there are a few things that are new…even if your hormones are ‘balanced’, they do fluctuate monthly etc so they still could be a trigger. Also, the Mayo clinic has done research on Botox…yes, the same botox! and it has had excellent results because it blocks the nerves …and cures wrinkles. How much better can you get right? Good luck and here’s to a little sleep in a cold, dark room.
You KNOW that I sympathize and empathize with you.
Hope you can find some relief honey and great tips from the other ladies!
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I do, and thanks. I’m amazed I didn’t get one at BlogHer.
I’ve SO been there. Shades drawn, fan on for white noise to block sound, cool cloth on the head. It’s like the worst hangover ever, except you can’t fix it with hydration and aspirin. My luck is none of the migrane meds work for me.
So yeah. I know your pain. It sucks ass. Mine do get worse with my cycle, cashews, MSG (OMG MSG will trigger one within hours), sulfites in wine (I buy sulfite free now), and dark chocolate. But I’ll get them for no reason too.
Commiserating over here.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 4:10 pm
That’s what is so annoying. There’s no pattern that I can figure out. Nothing helps you at all??
Twitter: somebodyhealme
August 5, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Boy do I hear you, Laurie. On all this. I, too, have chronic migraines. I’ve been on disability since October 2007, and it has drastically changed my marriage. My husband is wonderfully patient and supportive, but I never wanted all the pressure to be on him. And I hate never being intimate. It really sucks.
Twitter: somebodyhealme
August 5, 2009 at 3:58 pm
So sorry! Laurin, not Laurie! Doh.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 4:13 pm
If I didn’t work from home I might very well be on disability, too. I worked as a lawyer for 11 years and this only really started after I had kids and stopped working in an office.
Wow thanks for posting this – I have the same thing going on with me, and I’m so glad to know I am not some kind of mutant or a hypochondriac. I get the weird auras, then the lights and sounds start stabbing me directly in the brain, then it goes full on “I want to try self- trephining” mode. Even a slight movement of my head causes debilitating, intense, tear jerking pain. Speaking hurts. Breathing hurts! Imitrex has always worked in the past for me, but now that I have turned 30 the migraines last for days, are much more frequent, and the meds aren’t really helping. The idea of this happening to me while being in charge of small children is absolutely terrifying! I too fear that my husband thinks I am faking or seeking attention. I see you utilizing ice packs – good move. Hot shower = bad! I have found some relief by placing some icepacks on the back of my neck (on the brain stem area) and by making an “ice pillow” out of a 10 pound bag of ice to sleep on. I FEEL YOUR PAIN!
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Megan, my goodness. You’ve got some seriously bad migraines. The ice on the brain stem idea is excellent. I’ll be trying that.
Give Relpax a try. Imitrex made me WIGGY. Perhaps you should consider the Botox treatment. I have been reading up on that and Molly (above) mentioned it. Trephining was a new word for me – had to look it up.
I hope you feel better soon. I’m sure your husband does not think that. I’m pretty sure these fears of ours just come from this shitty affliction.
Twitter: motherbumper
August 5, 2009 at 10:03 pm
As someone who has had severe but infrequent migraines (though they are increasing in frequency), I really do hope you find relief soon. It’s unbelievable how strong the pain and nausea can get. Also – I’m glad you have good, supportive people around you.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 5, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Katie, that sucks. I’m sorry yours are increasing. My people are the best. So are our commenters! I’ve got a lot of new things to try.
Laurin,
PLEASE tell me you’ve tried Chiropractic!!! I’ve seen it work wonders with migraine sufferers—myself included!
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 6, 2009 at 7:51 am
Ashley, I did, but you’re not going to like it. It caused me to develop neck pain which I had never had before. I would be willing to try it again if I can find one who specializes in migraines. I’m so glad it helped you. I think this is why migraines are so maddening for sufferers and puzzling to the medical community. Different things work for different people.
As the mother of Laurin, I can vouch for her migraines. I rarely have one but have the “auras” quite often. I can stop the headache coming on at that point by taking my meds and waiting to do anything until the auras have opened up enough vision for me to see through. Those of you who have auras will understand what I’m talking about. Fortunately vomiting has never been part of my headaches. Much success to all of you with your migraines.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 6, 2009 at 5:53 pm
It’s my mama, y’all! I guess it’s genetic, huh?
I’ve only had aura a handful of times. Thank goodness, because it freaks me out.
Hey Laurin! It’s been a LONG time! I definitely feel your pain. I’ve had headaches since 3rd grade. Do you remember me having to leave class in 3rd grade because my head was hurting? I wasn’t just trying to get out of class at that age. :-) I’ve had them ever since. I’ve had to deal with some level of head pain almost every day for the last 25 years. I’ve been to countless doctors and some of the supposed best headache clinics in the country. I have tried most of the meds you mentioned previously. Nothing helped. I had just about decided that this was going to be a part of my everyday life…dealing and managing the head pain of the day.
A few months ago, a friend of my dad’s had gotten relief from headaches from a doctor in Jackson. After hearing the story, I didn’t give it much thought, knowing I had tried everything there was to try. After much persuasion, I decided to give it a shot. Long story short, she put me on Neurontin. I was already taking a beta blocker which she had me continue. I didn’t think it would work because I had already tried Topomax, which is in the same family of drugs and it didn’t work. It has only been about a month, and I’m almost scared to say it for fear that it’s too early, but, for the first time in my life, I can say my migraines are better. I actually have days that I don’t have ANY head pain! I can’t tell you how good that feels! I still have migraines, but at least I get some days that are headache free. The only side-effect so far is it makes me tired and sluggish. But, hopefully, with some adjusting of the dosage that won’t be too much of a problem.
Sorry to write a book, but I just wanted you and anybody else with migraines to know that just because you’ve tried a drug in a certain family with no success, it’s possible that other drugs in that family may help.
Kerry
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 6, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Kerry, I had no idea you have struggled with this all these years. Every DAY? That’s intense. I tried Topomax as well for about three months and it made very little difference. I have an appt. coming up and I will ask my doc about Neurontin. You’re right, I would have said been there, done that, to another drug in that family.
I’m not sure if I remember that happening in third grade. I was probably busy staring at Clay. You, however, were my crush in first grade. Do you remember the short story I wrote about you and your brother, Kem? I read it to the class. You must have wanted to kill me. There’s a point to this, and that is that ever since that story I have wanted to be a writer. All these years being a lawyer and yet I would think often of that story and wish I was a writer. And I finally am. So you coming here to leave a comment is blowing my mind, in the best possible way. Thanks, Kerry.
Have you tried a deep tissue massage? I have had headaches since I was 12 and massage has been the only thing that has worked for me. I very rarely get headaches now. Maybe 1 a month.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 6, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Not enough of them, Jen. I should try to get at least two a month, right?
At least. In the beginning I was getting one every week. Now I go every 2 weeks. I have a physical job (Massage Therapy) so that’s what keeps me going. Give it a try…you should be pleasantly surprised!
Twitter: tenakim
August 6, 2009 at 11:58 pm
oh honey- I get the same ones. My mom brought over this pillow-that she uses-during my bout last week. When I was finally able to lay my head down after about 3 pills and the vomiting stopped, this pillow felt wonderful- it has a notch for your head and inserts for ice packs that surround your head.
There definitely might be something to the hormonal thing- my mom and I have been dealing with these since our early 30′s (and an early onset of peri-menopause!)
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 7, 2009 at 9:17 am
My mother has a pillow called the Chillow, or something like that, but it’s flat. I’m going to google more ice pillows because I could really use something like you describe.
Wow. Soooo good to find I’m not alone. I’m not 30 yet, but had suffered from headaches since I was five… they stopped until my teens, then got bad again through my early 20′s. I once had an ambulance to the hospital, b/c the EMTs thought I was having an aneurysm. I came to loathe Imitrex, which all the Drs were pushing at that time, because it made me feel like I was choking- and wiggy, as you said Laurin. Then the migraines stopped again (and I can trace it to hormones, since I’ve had problems in that area) until this year.
I was at work on a very important event day, got aura so bad I couldn’t see, nausea, and had to go lie down- on a day when I was supposed to be ‘on’. And I had not had a headache in years. I was so angry/frustrated/in pain.
They’re terrible. Thanks for writing this- can you keep us updated on the saga? I’d appreciate it.
Twitter: LaurinEvans
August 12, 2009 at 9:45 am
Mary, I will keep you updated. I have lots of great new suggestions to try from the commenters.
My first aura migraine happened in law school 5 minutes before it was my turn to give a presentation to the class. Fortunately, my professor was very understanding. I went straight to the ER where the doc spent an hour trying to figure out if I was pregnant, on drugs, suffering from an eating disorder, or just a drama queen. Perhaps that’s where my shame began – a doctor who didn’t take me seriously.
I hope your headaches stay away forever. And, I had forgotten about the Imitrex choking feeling. That was another reason I couldn’t take it.
Laurin,
I just came across this post – hopefully you are still reading the comments.
I too suffer from the worst headaches known to man – I completely understand the ‘it’s so awful, I can’t move feeling’.
The only thing that’s worked for me is chiropractic. I know you said you’ve tried it, but you need to find one that offers Electrical Stimulation in addition to adjustments (also, there are adjustments that can be made that don’t actually sound like your bones are made of peanut brittle). It sounds scary, but it really isn’t that bad.
Four electrode pads (about the size of a half-dollar) are placed strategically on your neck and shoulder area while a low electric current is passed through them for about 15 minutes. Your muscles tense up a little as each current goes through. After this is complete, the chiropractor adjusts you and you go about your day as normal. The theory is that this stimulation ceases the pattern of constant muscle contractions that you don’t even know are happening.
After a few sessions of this my headaches went away for years. I’m thinking of starting the sessions up again since my headaches are coming back.
Thanks for listening!
Swiggy
Twitter: LaurinEvans
November 23, 2009 at 9:09 am
@Swiggy, I’m really glad you found something that works for you. I am set to do some craniosacral massage sessions. I will also look into electric stim. I did that for back pain years ago.
Have a nice holiday!