Mothering reflections and gratitude of some sort with far too many strike-throughs

I thought I’d be sad. In the beginning planning stages, I was upset.

Am I a bad mother? Will they be scarred for life? Will they miss me too much?

Now, as I ship my kids off to their Gramma’s for a whole week, I’m dancing a little jig. OK, a HUMONGOID jig. Like Will Smith gettin’ jiggy wit it kinda jig.

Oh hell yes. No kids for a whole. Entire. Week.

I’ve written a letter of intent and appreciation to those in charge to express my gratitude:

Dear Sweet Baby Jeebus & Oprah,
Thank you for blessing me with the time to sleep reflect, watch Weeds clean, read a book catch up on laundry, and Twitter expand my store.

Sir and I will be going to movies without paying a babysitter. That’s gonna save us at least $120 in babysitter monies. We will go to dinner ALONE and save ourselves no less than $10 in kids’ meals that, in what they eat, are worth at most $.72. We can engage in Business Time heart-to-heart conversations about love, politics, and life goals without having to talk over the cries of a kid in time-out. I won’t have to wash a SINGLE SPOILED MILK SIPPY CUP.

I will now get to understand the true meaning of Staycation. Cause really, how can you call it a Staycation with kids at home? That’s just any other day in hell paradise.

There won’t be a single kid’s toy left in the living room to pick up. Not a lost shoe to find. No loud, “encouraging” commands to “pick this shit up!,” and that’s just from the 5 year old.

I will miss my girls for the seven GLORIOUS nights they will be driving my mother to drink spending at my mom’s. I will be spending my time drinking heavily b/c really, no one will need to go to the ER on a whim being productive and be on-call for any necessary Skype calls from my girls missing me.

Love and adult-time kisses,
Me

Tagged as: grandparents, kids, vacation