“Soooo, you want to come up and learn how to change the temperature on the water heater?”
I gave him my patented Why-Are-You-Asking-Me-Stupid-Questions look….the one saved for offers like “Hey, want to go help me rake the yard?” and “You know what I love about the 1978 Superbowl?”
We’ve been married eleven years, does this man not know me yet?
“Pete, maybe not the only reason, but definitely ONE of the top reasons for why we all moved back together was so that you could take care of these things for me.”
“But what if I die?”
“Yeah? What of it?”
*sigh*
“You’ll need to know how to do these things.”
“Do you doubt I’d be able to learn how to change the temperature on the water heater?”
“Yes.”
“Do you doubt I’d be able to find someone to teach me how to do it?”
“Yes.”
“Do you doubt I’d be able to find someone to PAY to come in and do it?”
“But for how long? How looong could you pay for it?”
“DUDE! If you die? I am rolling in insurance money, I don’t need to know how to do crap.”
He digested that for a moment.
“What if *I* die, Pete?”
He smiled.
“Do you know how to do the girl’s hair?”
“No.”
“Do you know how to cook a pot roast?”
“No.”
“Do you know where I keep the muffin pan?”
“No.”
“Did you even know that we HAD a pan to make muffins?”
“No.”
“Do you know what a muffin is?”
“YES!!”
And we? Are done here.
I win.
I think?
About Anissa Mayhew
Pfft….men they are such hopeless creatures aren’t they? Such a shame we can’t return them. Bah ha ha.
ps. I am new around here but I feel so at home. Thanks heaps for providing such a safe and totally non-judgmental haven for slacker mummies like moi. Mwah.
Brenda,
My husband knows and acknowledges that if one of us has to go, it had better be him. As if there was any question, but I let him pretend.
And I am SO glad that you like it here, you’re welcome anytime…the martini fountains flow continuously.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Ha! I seriously think that most men would be more lost in that situation than women would be. Hey, I’m all new to being single and have figured lots of things out all by my little self. Now, if I just would actually *do* those things…hrm.
I think he forgets that I survived 18 months basically husband-free. We made it work.
Plus, my kids would totally grow up to LOOK like Chef Boyardee
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I’m with you. I could hire to do everything of value that HE does around the house, but my baby girl would have to wear a bob the rest of her life, and it would probably still be a tangled mess.
But really? How important is it to be able to change the AC filter? Maybe the AC guys has a family, and they need to eat too, right?
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Oh – you win, alright.
If I need to know how to do something my husband generally does, I google it. It amazes him. Hahaha!
that’s awesome…there’s nothing my husband can do for me that a good search engine can’t provide. And I do mean NOTHING.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I have to laugh at the ‘Do you know where I keep the muffin pan?’ because I don’t think my hubby even know where I keep normal pots and pans for cooking.
the man asked me where the knives were just before we moved. They’d been in the same spot for EIGHT years.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
My husband only knows where the pans are because they hang on the wall – LOL
SWEET! I usually use the “what if I get run over by a bus?” line…he rolls his eyes. We’re at 11 years too….I think it’s a sign…
Twitter Name: mommahopeful
I had to make my friends promise that if I die first to make sure he doesn’t pull the sympathy card to pick up at my funeral. For REAL.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
yes, you totally win.
*does a victory lap*
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
I’m banking on the insurance money to hire a nice young fella to do things for me. ALL things.
Twitter Name: alotofnothing
lol. yes, I’d say you win!
Anissa,
As you know since I told you via twitter, I just love this post. It cracked me up. I read it out-loud to some friends from iPhone once I received it via reader/email. One was a man and he even laughed.
Angie: Love your comment. Let me know where you find those fellas and how much they cost. I need one now. :)
HI-LARIOUS! Yesterday, I went out to our carport to get our laundry and the husband says “so you came out here to help me right?” I look at his mess in the carport and weighed that against the mess in our house. “Yeah, right” I said and went back inside to lay on top of laundry on our bed that had been there for a few days.
This shit? happens in our house all the time. My husband is just not equipped for these kinds of discussions.