I’m a mom. One of three mothers my daughter will claim. And no, it’s not a Big Love situation; we are not polygamists.
I overheard this while she was on the swings with another little 7 year old, “I’ve got three moms. I know I probably confused you, people get confused. My moms used to be married, but then the separated from each other when I was one and my one mom now has a girlfriend who I also call ‘mom’. I don’t have a dad. That one,” pointing to me, “isn’t the one with the girlfriend, it’s the other one, but she’s not here. Who’s your dad or mom?”
Ahem. I don’t stumble over my words when I come out to people. And I come out often because well, you just have to. Particularly, when you have a chatty kid who will tell your business, coming out is standard.
I do filter however, I calculate my word choice and scrutinize any subtle cues, like the clutching close the neck of a shirt, as if I’m on the prowl. Or the immediate blank, ‘I must look neutral’ slack-jawed expression, heaven forbid the news is surprising. Or even, most disturbing, the huge, too merry grin with added twinkle in the eye, as if I’ve just been pictured having sex. And it’s not all men, by the way, who sport that one.
I can’t tell the kid to hush it, implying that I’m ashamed, because I’m not. I just let it roll.
Frankly I wish I had the candor my daughter has. One day I’m sure someone will call her/us weird and wrong in a hateful way and she’ll become more cautious. However, now if you don’t easily understand a family dynamic different than your own she will take the time to explain it to you in a patient way. She’ll break it down on a second grader’s level, regardless of your age. And actually it is older people who require the longest explanations.
This Three Day Weekend post was submitted by Juli, who writes at Egg Day and Lunch Lady to MBA: I’m a lesbian mom. I co-parent with my baby momma and her girlfriend. We live in two houses and share family memberships to the local zoo and the community pool. The chances of a 4th mom in the picture rests solely on closing the space in the long distance relationship I’m in currently.
About Guest Writer
that’s so great how your daughter explains it, it’s cute :) and I love how she points you out as the one without a girlfriend because that *has* to be said lol
This is so funny and sweet but *sigh* I wish we lived in a world where she won’t have to have that innocent and perfect joy taken away from her, even the tiniest bit.
You’re a lucky mama. She’s a lucky girl.
Twitter Name: Anissa Mayhew
Love your daughter’s totally innappropriate maturity level! My 7 year old only does things like loudly proclaim that he’s standing “next to the fat woman” when I can’t find him in a clothing store.
I too wish the world would not eventually try to subvert her innocence on the subject, but I think it says a lot (about you as a mother, her character, and hopefully the progress of society) that it hasn’t been soiled thus far.
Oh, I get many innappropriate moments too. “Mom, pick up your shirt and show them your scars! She had surgery!” While we play tug-o-war with the hem of my blouse.
I do hope that she remains innocent unsoiled for time to come. Mind you I’ve mediated a few discussions, “Tell, Tommy that two boys can get married if they love each other!”
“They can” I say.
To which Tommy says, “Okay.” then continues, “My mom isn’t going to marry her boyfriend because he yells too much. She kicked him out of the house.”
I heart Tommy
I can just picture her chatting away on that swing. Don’t you wish you could bottle up that kind of confident, self-awareness and give it back to her when she is 12?
Thinking of her at 12 gives me cold sweats. I’m blocking all those thoughts.
My father came out of the closet when I was 17, 6 months after my parents split. He has yet to meet a long time partner (which I SO wish for him). I often tell people that I’m hoping my kids one day have 2 grandmas and 4 grandpa’s… they proceed to look confused until I explain…which always leads to more questions. I like to joke with my dad that he will have to make sure that the man he ends up with is ok being called “Nana” because my dad is “Papa” to my kids and Nana & Papa just naturally go together ~laugh~
It is fantastic your daughter is so open about it and that you are too!
Sarah
The one thing that I teach my boys (mixed race) that I hope they will hold onto is that “other people’s ignorance is their own problem, not yours”. It sounds like your daughter is very well adjusted and proud of her family. Kudos to all of her moms for instilling that.
I love that you have such a loving relationship with your daughter and all of her mommies.
And, no, it’s not bad to want to mute your child every now and then, right? RIGHT?
Twitter Name: alotofnothing
Oh, I also heart Tommy. And his mom.
Tommy’s Mom has got it goin’ on…
She is way more clear than I am when I explain anything that involves my two ex-step-daughters, their mom, my ex-husband and his current (third) wife. Not to mention the pairings and permutations of the rest of the family!