I’m a huge fan of sleep. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. You know, after my husband, daughters, Doctor Who (I’m loving Capaldi’s outfit), rainbow sprinkles, and crispy bacon.
But some nights I can’t go to sleep. Actually, it’s more like my brain won’t LET me sleep. That’s right. It keeps talking. And talking. And talking. To itself.
Just like this:
I wonder who Skye’s parents really are. How important were they to have S.H.I.E.L.D. protect her all this time?
Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away
It’s crazy what they did to Agent Coulson. I totally thought … Read More
Even though she knows I hate Urgent Care, my daughter (let’s call her the Girl) has contracted poison oak again. She’s swelling, she’s itching, she’s oozing. The whole situation is downright miserable. For me. But before your eyes roll, let me explain.
I have a history of poor judgment regarding when a visit to Urgent Care is appropriate. Despite my best efforts, I tend to hit one of two categories:
“So, Mrs. Gardner. Was it your inherent cruelty that caused you to ignore the Typhoid?”
“Welcome back to Urgent Care, Mrs.Gardner! Would you prefer your usual … Read More
My hair is boring. It blends in and is unseen. It's the Janet of Three's Company, the Jan of The Brady Bunch, the Jennifer of Family Ties. Until I was twelve-years-old I had really long, all-the-way-down-to-my-butt hair. Then I cut it to the shoulder length, parted on the side, and developed the mushroom shaped hairstyle that I sport to this day.
That's it. No crazy colors, no perms, no gang signs shaved onto the side of my head, nothing.
The one time I did want to try something different, I was talked out of it by my hair stylist. I was in my early teens, and decided I was going to … Read More
I saw a group of children today,
And this is the only thing I can say:
I'm never EVER gonna have ANY.
This group of parents I was watching just had WAY too many.
They're all rude little fuckers with dirty little hands,
And listen to all those shitty kid bands.
They're loud, and they don’t know the meaning of “No,”
When you need them to hurry they always go slow.
And when you need them to be calm, it's like they took meth,
Instead of babysitting, I'm sure I'd much prefer death.
They're messy and leave their toys all around,
And YOU'RE the one … Read More
Valentine's Day insists on coming again this year and it vexes the non-romantic among us. For example, me.
I hate flowers. They die. I might as well take two twenty dollar bills out of my wallet … Read More
You may or may not know this, but I am a big fan of date nights. It's true, I absolutely love having a night alone with my beautiful lady.
What you might not know about me is that every two weeks, … Read More
Some are pretty bad, Dear Abby. And still you hope that we believe them. Dear Abby, I'm talking about your letters. You can't think you're pulling one over on us, that these pleas come from real … Read More
You know how kids sometimes don't do things when you ask them to?
Yeah, I know it's rare, but every once in a while they just seem to forget when you mentioned that the laundry needed to be put in … Read More
I slipped away after supper thinking I might grab a relaxing soak in the tub. The first 90 seconds of my bath? Sublime. Remember those “Calgon, Take Me Away” ads from the 1970s? For a minute and a … Read More