Miss Unlimited


Lorde: The Thinking Girl’s Pop Star

photo: the guardian This past weekend, something unexpected happened. In the midst of a music industry rife … Read More...

Aiming Low Family

If you have to get old, you might as well do it with pizzazz.

Early Retirement?

Winter seems to be going on forever around here. The dog is dragging his wiener every time he goes out for a pee, and I seem to be … Read More

Special Blend

A portion of the 50 vehicle accident a few miles from our place.

Snowed In

You may or may not know this, but I am a big fan of date nights. It's true, I absolutely love having a night alone with my beautiful … Read More

Latest Posts


My Brain Won’t Let Me Sleep

I’m a huge fan of sleep. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. You know, after my husband, daughters, Doctor Who (I’m loving Capaldi’s outfit), rainbow sprinkles, and crispy bacon. But some nights I can’t go to sleep. Actually, it’s more like my brain won’t LET me sleep. That’s right. It keeps talking. And talking. And talking. To itself. Just like this: I wonder who Skye’s parents really are. How important were they to have S.H.I.E.L.D. protect her all this time? Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away It’s crazy what they did to Agent Coulson. I totally thought … Read More


Foreigner Was Right: Love is Urgent

Even though she knows I hate Urgent Care, my daughter (let’s call her the Girl) has contracted poison oak again.  She’s swelling, she’s itching, she’s oozing.  The whole situation is downright miserable. For me.  But before your eyes roll, let me explain. I have a history of poor judgment regarding when a visit to Urgent Care is appropriate. Despite my best efforts, I tend to hit one of two categories: “So, Mrs. Gardner. Was it your inherent cruelty that caused you to ignore the Typhoid?” or “Welcome back to Urgent Care, Mrs.Gardner! Would you prefer your usual … Read More

"Hey girls. Anyone up for Ladies Night?"

My hair is the Janet of Three’s Company.

My hair is boring. It blends in and is unseen. It's the Janet of Three's Company, the Jan of The Brady Bunch, the Jennifer of Family Ties. Until I was twelve-years-old I had really long, all-the-way-down-to-my-butt hair. Then I cut it to the shoulder length, parted on the side, and developed the mushroom shaped hairstyle that I sport to this day. That's it. No crazy colors, no perms, no gang signs shaved onto the side of my head, nothing. The one time I did want to try something different, I was talked out of it by my hair stylist. I was in my early teens, and decided I was going to … Read More

The Horrors of Toddlery

I saw a group of children today, And this is the only thing I can say: I'm never EVER gonna have ANY. This group of parents I was watching just had WAY too many.   They're all rude little fuckers with dirty little hands, And listen to all those shitty kid bands. They're loud, and they don’t know the meaning of “No,” When you need them to hurry they always go slow. And when you need them to be calm, it's like they took meth, Instead of babysitting, I'm sure I'd much prefer death. They're messy and leave their toys all around, And YOU'RE the one … Read More


Norovirus, exciting and new.

It’s time. To the cast of “The Love Boat,” I’m looking at you. It’s time to get the gang back together for made-for-teevee movie magic. You’re the only ones who can save us, the only … Read More

Valentine’s Gift Guide for the Non-Romantic.

Valentine's Day insists on coming again this year and it vexes the non-romantic among us. For example, me. I hate flowers. They die. I might as well take two twenty dollar bills out of my wallet … Read More

Snowed In

You may or may not know this, but I am a big fan of date nights. It's true, I absolutely love having a night alone with my beautiful lady. What you might not know about me is that every two weeks, … Read More

Word To the Gamers In Your Life From Your Mama Del Roy: Video Games

http://youtu.be/WNf3wLjBk9E Video Games music by Lana DelRey lyrics by Linda Roy Lyrics by Mama Del Roy Music by Lana Del Rey You haven’t seen our backyard Don’t make me stop this … Read More

How We Know Those Dear Abby Letters Are Fake

Some are pretty bad, Dear Abby. And still you hope that we believe them. Dear Abby, I'm talking about your letters. You can't think you're pulling one over on us, that these pleas come from real … Read More

Gird your loins: V-Day is coming!

Valentine’s Day is coming up faster than you’d like to believe. Although I have a general distaste for Hallmark holidays, I’m gonna tell it to you straight: if you’re in any kind of … Read More

Urine Luck

What you are about to hear is an interesting story, But it’s not about goals, feats, or glory. It’s simply about a man named Ray, Who discovered quite an unusual talent one … Read More

Walk The Walk

You know how kids sometimes don't do things when you ask them to? Yeah, I know it's rare, but every once in a while they just seem to forget when you mentioned that the laundry needed to be put in … Read More

Calgon refuses to take me away.

I slipped away after supper thinking I might grab a relaxing soak in the tub. The first 90 seconds of my bath? Sublime. Remember those “Calgon, Take Me Away” ads from the 1970s? For a minute and a … Read More

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